Will this ever be over?

BrokenHeart 2 · Dec 29, 2020

Psalm27:1my light said: ↑

The truth is it will( in my opinion)never be over. If he is an addict, he will have to face that, admit it, then work recovery. I was 23 when I married my husband. He had de on our honeymoon. I didn’t know that’s what it was because I was a virgin and had literally no experience. I thought it was strange that it took so long and had an “ off” feeling. Knew something wasn’t right and by 6 months of marriage I was so miserable and unhappy I was begging him for counseling. I didn’t “ believe” in divorce. I thought I was needy, unreasonable and had unrealistic expectations because I was comparing him to my dad and my parents marriage. I thought it was crazy to want to divorce because of a lack of sex, which was really what drove me crazy. Being rejected when I initiated and him not initiating. Truthfully I’m not needy at all, lol.I wasn’t demanding or unrealistic in my expectations. I was pretty healthy and normal. I was comparing my dysfunctional relationship to my parents healthy one. I didn’t discover the true problem until 5 years in. Then, because I absolutely viewed porn as cheating
by this point and told him I wanted a divorce. He begged me to go to counseling. I got pregnant on the pill while we were going to weekly counseling. Things were really good for about 2 years, then he went right back to it. Only now, I felt trapped. Fast forward 18 years, we discover it’s an addiction, he gets into group, counseling, etc. he is working very hard at recovery and is a different man completely. Unfortunately, I’m a different person as well. The betrayal and trauma has forever changed me, and not in a good way. I’ve been in counseling for 2 years. At least now I know what’s going on. My husband and I have a surprisingly good relationship. But, I do not believe it will ever be what it could have been without betrayal and lies. It is definitely way better than when we first married. Way better than 3 years ago. If at 23 your boyfriend has de, then he’s most likely a hard core addict. I know mine was. If he doesn’t want to quit with every fiber of his being, then he won’t. He will just get better at hiding it. They are really good at hiding and lying.
Click to expand...

I'm so sorry to hear you went through that. They don't know how they make us feel. I've never felt so hurt about something. And you're right betrayal trauma is real and its terrible. Even if he were to change I don't know if I can trust him or get over the trauma myself. I feel our relationship would have been amazing if it weren't for porn.

Log in

Will this ever be over?

BrokenHeart 2 Fapstronaut

Share This Page