Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Vixen, Dec 18, 2018.

  1. Vixen

    Vixen Fapstronaut

    So it has almost been three months since discovery. Three months of him abstaining from PMO. He felt the last couple of months were superfluous. Expectations/suspense was mounting for an upcoming getaway. The climate of intimacy was good tonight so we engaged fully in sex for the first time since September.

    It was very enjoyable up until the end. After conclusion I asked how he was. “I’m fine.” He left the room and upon his return he scoffed a bit and said I looked “creepy” laying in the red lighting. (Prior to engaging I had thrown the first (pink) article of clothing I found over the lamp.)

    So now I’m deeply unsatisfied, hurt and lonely. Not sure if he’s a moron or trying to be an asshole or both. I conveyed my disappointment/hurt and he offered a couple “I’m sorry” s but the damage is done and my brain is spinning.

    So much for enjoying afterglow or igniting momentum to encourage more sexuality between us. It’s like he can’t help but sabotage intimacy.
  2. Trappist

    Trappist Fapstronaut


    I’ve heard a lot of PA men admit saying and regret some really dumb stuff; as I have too.

    There is a foot in mouth thing.

    A lifting fog and P thoughts still swirl, I saw things through that filter.

    I think our filters are broken, too.
    We’ve gone past and seen things that
    can’t be unseen.

    Wonder if he saw you through that old filter. Says far more about him.

    Than your casual,
    present playfulness.

    Call him on it and he can begin to be aware that not all spontaneous comments are wise.

    I’m still learning to be present
    and am much better after a year.

    Creating vanilla newness with my SO.
    My new favorite flavor.
    Pity, Nugget9, Tannhauser and 3 others like this.
  3. Pity

    Pity Fapstronaut

    I wish I could trade 11,000 Pmo for a girlfriend. Sorry, life's a struggle but it gets way better! Don't worry vixen.
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2019
    Bogo Biggins likes this.
  4. Bogo Biggins

    Bogo Biggins Fapstronaut

    Oh boy. That must have felt like the most painful thing ever.

    I think he is still addicted to pmo, so sex with you was still 'so what, my brain isn't getting the same fix as it does with hard core porn, even with sleeping with hookers'.

    There are many men on NoFap who recover a healthy love life with their wives, however - from what I can see - the best strategy is initially total reprogramming of the brain through a period of complete abstinence from pmo (e.g. 90 days no pmo, For your husband may not be enough - the fact he was 'so what' over the last two months suggests this for me) then, and only then, restoring healthy sexual relations. The thing is if your husband dosnt see this then you have a very difficult struggle. He is a sex addict. He needs to heal properly before normal marital relations can be restored.

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