Worst day of my life: payed for sex

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Mixtec, Mar 15, 2019.

  1. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

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    Greetings to all

    I am a latino guy who was celibate for 10 years. Late 2008 through the early part of this year 2019. I had struggled frequently to be involved in any relationship with a female.

    I became addicted to porn immediately while being celibate thinking it was harmless. My logic was since I am not harming no one and also maintaining my sexual purity that maybe I was doing my future mate a favor? Well in 2017 and up until January 2019 I became addicted to webcam porn girls. I started spending lots of money to masturbate to some of these girls.

    Then in February of 2019 I meant a lovely and beautiful girl. She was single mom and was divorced. We were getting to know each other each night on the phone. One Saturday afternoon I got off of work. I was missing this girl so much. So I was searching through the internet out of boredom when I stumbled across a female escort website. I called a girl up and setup an appointment to see her.

    I meant her in her hotel room. I "donated" her requested donation. We proceeded to do the act. I told her I hadn't been with a women in such a long time. She hopped on me and started getting real sexual. Long story short guys I gave up my 10 year celibacy to her.

    I regret it because I was intending to save this up for a special girl now it's gone and taken. I was so foolish and so stupid to think that this would fill my void up. Not only that but my mouth and lips has been itchy ever since the sexual encounter with the escort. I am scared shitless guys because I don't know if this escort gave me some disease. I am also scared because the girl I am talking to has now told me she wants to be more than friends. I feel like I have fucked up my life.
     
    Homelander likes this.
  2. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    Well, one thing at a time, and try not to worry about everything at once.
    First things first I guess is to get yourself checked out, and make sure you're fine, safe and healthy.
    Afterwards, you can concentrate on forgiving yourself for breaking your commitment to yourself.
    You haven't hurt anybody - emotionally, spiritually or otherwise.
    So the emotions you are feeling are entirely personal.

    You can still devote yourself to one special girl when she comes along.
    I wouldn't think that special girl would expect you to be celibate for ten years, any more than you would expect that from her.
    Love is love - and commitment isn't necessarily based on somebody's history.

    Most of us have a past with other people, so please try to be a bit kinder to yourself, and don't feel so bad about this.
    You haven't fucked up your life, but it sounds like you've upset yourself deeply.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. Unfortunately things like porn and webcam girls do a lot of harm to us, as you probably know by now. And of course the industry does a load of harm in other ways etc. etc.

    It's not all our fault. The TRUTH that porn is harmful bullshit should be widely known. Porn shouldn't be so easy to access at the very least.

    In my opinion it's not really celibacy if you're still doing PMO. Proper semen retention and avoiding lust as much as possible - that's what you want to be doing if you're trying to be celibate (again, in my opinion).

    As for the escort, well we all make mistakes. You should probably talk to a doctor or pharmacist or someone like that.
     
  4. You made a one time mistake , big deal welcome to being human as for the other thing go get it checked out and stop worrying yourself to death there are many free clinics that do that look them up and make an appt
     
    Homelander and GeorgeJetson like this.

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