Going well so far. Only had a couple of intrusive thoughts but feeling positive on the whole. Throughout I have had an internal debate about the full hardcore PMO approach and would be interested to hear experiences from fellow fapstronauts. For me, the devil is the porn itself, so that is what I am cutting out. I have been intimate with my wife during the week but figure that's healthy. She is aware of my addiction and we remain close for a couple nearly 17 years in to marriage. Am I fooling myself?
I think most people would agree that intimacy with your partner is ok. In fact, it's the healthy way to be, and what most guys in relationships are aiming for. I think you're fine.
I believe sex during a reboot is very important for couples. I think Hard Mode is better for single people, maybe people who's addiction led them to some bizarre fetishes, if there's been infidelity, or if there is a deep rift between husband and wife. I think a common scenario for some married couples go like this.... Something has been wrong in the marriage for a long time. The wife doesn't know what it is. She discovers his addiction and is deeply hurt. The man confesses it all and then goes into recovery. He feels great because he's feeling better. She's feeling crappy because she feels she's been lied to and betrayed for years. The husband seeks out sex and is rejected. He feels hurt and rejected and is vulnerable to a relapse. Hard mode, for married couples, takes sex off the table for 90 days and allows them to focus on their relationship without the risk of sexual rejection. Even embarrassing sexual situations like PIED become less embarrassing because they're totally honest about it's cause. If your wife is supportive of your recovery and you are working on your relationship then one of the goals is go have a healthy sex life. As you work on your relationship, you will naturally feel closer together. You will probably feel a level of closeness you haven't felt in years because the secret is now gone and invisible walls are coming down. Just beware of the Chaser Effect, where you feel good after sex but still seek out porn to continue feeling that way. But if you've already re-established a healthy sex life then there's no need to take sex off the table.
Worsel, I WANNA GET BETTER hits the nail on the head. The goal is real sex. If you are lucky to have the wife supporting you KEEP GOING! Just heal yourself, forget the porn! Enjoy the wife and the fact that she sticks around for you. You'll be a better man in the end. Better for yourself and also for her. I get more sex now that my wife knows I'm "sick" but healing and that she is now the only game in town! REAL SEX rules for couples. That is the end state. No fantasies in your head, not being unsatisfied because there is no "extras" as seen on the internet.
