I've only just found time to catch up on your journal, @Faithe, thank you for sharing with us. Something to consider if you find yourself only managing short streaks: you are still so much further along than those who refuse to turn away from PMO, or from lust in any form. Choosing to fight this is one step. Choosing to open up in a support network like this is another. So many don't even make that first step. It was years before I admitted to anybody I was struggling with M, and even more years before I brought myself to join this community knowing I needed more help. Christ is working in your heart to change your attitude to reject lust, this is clear to me. The change in heart cannot be measured by any counter, but it is key to recovery. There are so many verses I want to quote on this right now that it's easier I point you to a topic where I already did this : https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/searching-and-transforming-the-heart.315108/. Recently I find it helpful to confess not only that I PMO, but that I still want to, or rather my sinful nature does. It's one thing to stop PMO, but another to change our hearts so that we do not want to. Since I have accepted Jesus, He has been transforming my heart to want to give in to my urges less and less. I confess that my sinful heart wants evil so that I can address those evil desires and hand them over to Jesus. I'd also like to comment on something else you said a few posts back: I don't know what specific areas you refer to, but I would say pursue these areas anyway, especially if they involve strides towards fruitfulness. With the exception of Jesus, all the heroes of the Bible are sinners. Perhaps you will improve in alignment with one of your goals so much that your heart will be filled with gratitude to God, and your grateful heart simply will not want to give in to lust. It may not even lust at all! Read the Bible. Pray. Enjoy fellowship with Christians. Again, I'm not saying you aren't doing these things, but these things will transform you as a whole and because your whole will be transformed, so will your attitude towards lust and other sinful behaviours. Keep fighting the good fight. You are in my prayers, sister!
Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means a lot to me that you took the time to see my older posts and address what I've said before. I think you make a good point about pursuing other areas of growth anyway. We are multi-faceted beings and there's obviously always more to grow in than one thing. I could work on managing my anxiety, my temper, my wavering motivations, etc (and how they affect my family, friends, and my workplace). But then all those things feel like they pile up and the next thing I know, I've turned to PMO to clear my head. Which leads me to focus on fixing it... because it seems to have become a sort of pacifier whenever I'm worked up over all the other frustrations life can throw my way. My struggle with PMO has given me the tendency to get tunnel vision and perhaps attempt to believe that lust is the only thing I need to fix right now. The idea that if I could just get this nasty thing figured out and done with, I'd feel prepared to take on just about anything else. Like thinking I could finish a meal just fine if I could finally kill the fly buzzing around and get it out of my way. But I know it's not that simple. I know I need the Lord's guidance to help me grow without hitting the same roadblock each time. I am definitely getting better. I used to engage in PMO or MO pretty much daily, even when I was still a child. It was awful. I didn't even know what I was doing to myself, but I was addicted. Now, I think doing it daily would be out of character for me. Though my streaks are shorter than some other people's, they are something I could not have imagined accomplishing even five years ago. And I know with enough practice, I can make it further. Thank you for your encouragement in this area. Those verses you shared in the link are very helpful, and I am grateful for your prayers. I have prayed for you recently as well, along for the many others I've have the privilege of connecting with on these forums. Reflecting on His goodness and what kind of beautiful life I can lead when I am walking His ways give me encouragement to keep going. Please continue to work in my life, Lord. Help me develop better habits and fix my eyes on You.
It's been a while since I've been on here and posted anything. To briefly recap, I was overcome with a period of stress and busy-ness. To cope, I reset very badly, and wound up binging for a while. I can only describe it as outright regression, not a mere slip-up. I felt so pathetic. My shame prevented me from coming here to document it. I just want to move on from that brief period. I am back on track. Six days now, it will go on a week soon! I'll be back where I was. Keeping my two-week minimum goal in mind again. God gives us strength to recover. All I can do is dust myself off and resume the fight.
Made it a few more days before a reset. Almost nine days total, I think. It’s so embarrassing how hard it is to make it to two weeks. But I am working my way up there. I was five days away. I can do it. I’ve done two weeks before. I can do it again. Still recovering from that binge period during the latter half of January and early February. Eight to nine days is good recovery from daily. Getting better habits and mindsets which have helped push me out a little further than I thought I could make. I need to stay positive so that I don’t lose focus!
This reply wound up longer than I anticipated and maybe got slightly off topic. I guess I have a lot on my mind (But I can get away with it because it’s my journal, lol) My streaks have consistently been about 4-5 days long for the most part, and I had reset almost daily or every other day for years before I ever thought about quitting (I was a child when I started PMO and had no idea what I was really doing). If I remember correctly, I did PMO without trying to quit for about 8-ish years and have been trying to quit for about 5? Maybe more. At least 13 years of this mess! I have had times where I consistently reached 2 weeks before, but that isn’t terribly common. That’s why I’m making it my first goalpost so I can inch my way towards longer streaks and eventually have resets be more rare than not. My brain’s chemistry is all botched from years of near daily PMO during developmental years, basically. I’m glad I have these forums to connect with people and stay accountable, and there’s been lots of great advice that has changed my life. As sad as it is to say, week-long streaks are quite literally twice or even 3x as good as I used to be. This growth is frustratingly hard to solidify after so many years. I think aside from PMO being so much harder to quit than other addictions (from what I’ve heard), there’s so much shame and mockery associated with it that it’s easy to get demoralized. You’re addicted to PMO and you are told you are filthy and a pervert. And maybe that’s true; you do need to be sanctified, after all. You try to quit PMO and you are told you’re being overly restrictive and denying yourself something “natural”. There’s this idea that masturbation is just something everyone does and you’re more than weird if you have a problem with it. On the other hand, alcoholism and some other drug addictions are generally agreed upon to be something you need to recover from, except from a few oddballs. I haven’t seen too many people get mocked for declaring that they’re sober. They get lots of support. But it seems like PMO has this weird twisted thing to it where people will have volatile knee-jerk insults ready for you no matter what you do. It’s more difficult to find real life support without feeling like you’re risking social suicide. Especially for women and the rampant “purity culture” in some Christian circles where women carry a burden to have more self-control and modesty than men, or oversimplify gender differences and say, “Women want romance, men want sex, and that’s the way God made us.” (I have no clue where in the Bible people are getting that weird idea, it’s nowhere to be found… yes we generally seem to have preferences, but it’s not that black-and-white). I’ve even heard some “Christian” speakers say that wives shouldn’t expect sex to be pleasurable, or that they’re not allowed to say “no” to sex for any reason, even if they’re still recovering from childbirth! Because they don’t have the same “needs” as men… It’s as if female sexuality is a category of evil we need to be hush-hush about… it makes me want to crawl in a hole sometimes. I know not every Christian thinks this way, but that particular crowd is very vocal. I know I let it get under my skin all too often, but it makes me afraid of dating. What if I end up marrying a guy who thinks like that? And of course there’s me needing to get this addiction sorted so I don’t bring issues into a marriage, either… Anyways, I’m rambling. There’s just a lot of difficulty and insecurity to sort through. I know God is helping me through it. I know I need to take things one step at a time and not worry so much about all the craziness in the world. First daily resets, now weekly, and now I will continue to improve. Hopefully I will build momentum. I see people’s streaks in the hundreds and I know it’s possible.
When you date, make sure his view of women is something you discuss early on. If he shows any signs of regarding you as anything other than his exact equal in God's eyes, and if the two of you do not see eye-to-eye on your role in leadership (of any kind: in the home, in the workplace, in the church), then RUN!!!
Agree with Tao here. It reminds me of a Matthew Henry quotation, which I find both true and beautiful: "Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him." Wish you well, @Faithe. Christ will see you through.
In the area where I live porn is so normalized that people bully and ridicule you if u don't watch it . That's how I first got into it as a kid , I did try to avoid it at start but when people start showing it in your face on school computers then what can be done. Almost everyone I talk to calls u a fool if u say porn is bad . A lot of the times even the education system claims it is a normal and healthy . Also waiting to fix your addiction before getting married is the best thing you can do . Some people tend to assume that getting married will magically fix their brain, when the only thing that cand fix it is time and a lot of effort. Good luck on your journey
I’ve only heard the first half of that quote, which was lovely enough, but not the second half. That’s a very beautiful and encouraging quote. Thank you both for the encouragement and comfort on this subject.
That’s horrible; I’m sorry you had it shoved in your face so much. PMO is probably one of the most socially acceptable addictions, aside from being a workaholic. And the myth that it’s healthy, natural, and good for you is leading so many people into misery. Praying for you to get out of such an environment if possible, but if not, may you be a light in that dark place. I do really hope that I am able to get into a good spot of recovery before getting married, for sure. I used to actually think getting married would fix it, but hearing so many stories of the opposite convinced me that I cannot rely on it. I have to kill the addiction, not merely bury it or keep it somewhat satisfied but still present. It would just bubble up to the surface eventually. I wouldn’t want my future husband to have a PMO addiction, so I should afford him the same courtesy and not be a hypocrite. There will always be temptation, but I know I will eventually get to a spot where I won’t even be thinking about it. God is helping me make those baby steps.
I think we have to be careful with respect to the extent marriage or the pursuit of a relationship drives our motivation to quit. For me relapses have correlated with failed relationship prospects (whether a breakup, rejection, whatever) and to be honest I still struggle to this extent. If a potential relationship doesn't work out, I fall into the trap of thinking "well I might as well let myself go and PMO, because I won't have to worry about telling a future spouse about it any time soon". Our motivation should be holiness to live a life that pleases God and to become like Christ. I pray for this transformation to take place in my heart, because I know I have distance to go here.
We quit to please God #1. To please others or future spouses should be a lower goal, but still a good goal.
Agreed! My mind just drifts onto the topic of marriage and relationships from time to time Main objective: getting right with God and growing closer to Him Approval of a spouse or other loved ones can’t replace the relationship we have with Him (but I still want to be a good wife!)
Faced temptation today pretty strongly. But I overcame it by stopping and praying. My flesh fought against that response and wanted to go back to fantasy, but I kept my ground. It wasn’t easy, but I feel so much better that I didn’t succumb today. Your flesh will try to convince you that you must have it now, now, now, or you’ll go crazy. After it passes you realize you didn’t need it at all. Nor did you really even want it in the grand sense of things. I pray I can keep that thought pattern consistent for a while. I will get back on track!
Hit the day 4 benchmark, which is when I typically reset (if not on day 5). No reset! Hooray! But moving even a few days past it is where things get more difficult, so I’m going to prepare my heart and mind.
One week down! Hasn’t been too bad. I’ve been keeping busy and doing a lot of cleaning/organizing. Hard to be in the mood for PMO when you’re feeling productive and don’t want to tarnish it. I’m hoping I can ride that wave a bit longer now.
Happily into the double digits now! I had a moment of temptation today. It is amazing how trigger happy I seem to be; even running across a sexual joke or innuendo on the internet (unintentionally) can set me off into spiral mode. I’ve had to be so careful about my internet use recently and discipline myself to stay away from things I know cause me to stumble, and it’s been difficult. I’m trying to get in the habit of working with my hands more often instead of scrolling on social media or whatnot. Doing chores, running errands, drawing, journaling, etc. Just the other day I was working on a Bible study worksheet for a women’s group in my church, and I had the blinds open and listened to the birds. It’s nice to not listen to music or podcasts or YouTube videos all the time in the background. I need to quiet the noise in my head and just take in the world.
