Does Porn Get Anything Right About Sex? - Might Contain Triggers

Every woman is different dude, sometimes you just have to get know her and see what's she's into. Some girls do not like being called a slit, while others do.

 

Everyone has different kinks, what one woman loves another might hate. So it depends on the person.

 

I am female and as said we are all different. I think the biggest thing that porn gets wrong is that women are sex objects with no feelings or wants or needs of our own. That we always want sex, and it's all about your pleasure not ours. That all women want the same types of sex acts done in the porn because we are all the same and if your partner does not something is wrong. I think that's the hardest thing that addicts have coming to terms with. The second is that all women look like porn stars and you as a man should not settle for less. Real life sex is about two people making an intimate connection. It is rarely perfect and often involves laughing and getting to know each other's bodies. My personal opinion on the lies porn talks as a 40 year old woman with lots of female friends is as follows. 1. Women love huge penises. No most women are fine with any penis so long as she can feel it. Too big or too small both cause problems! Too big hurts. 2. Women want you to last for hours. No most women in long term relationships are good with 15 minutes. 3. All women want threesomes, anal, rough sex and for you to ejaculate on their face, most don't. Once you move away from porn and onto sex you will see.

 

There isn't a 'one size fits all' approach to sex with another person since it's essentially a very personal experience between two people, the best kind is where both partners respect each other and are in love, that's where passion comes in. With porn it's someone elses idea of what sex is, mostly it's born out of the need for shock value, entertainment or just a hatred of women or men or lack of respect. I think the common mistake people make when they view porn is thinking 'so that's what women like' No it's what the producer has told the woman to do because if she doesn't do it she wont get paid. Then us males think we wont be accepted amongst women unless we have six packs and a penis that is so big we have to tuck it into our socks. Whilst visual attractiveness plays a part in relationships, i believe the majority of women respond to the personality and the emotional side of partners since they value things like trust, status and ability to provide ie: is this person a real man who will be there for me and do what it takes to make a good life. Sometimes it's enough for two people to just lie in bed together and make foreplay then go to sleep. Porn takes out the passion and the romance from relationships because it doesn't sell, people want to be shocked and perverts want to see the next level of depravity, which the porn industry is all to happy to accommodate.

 

The producers are convinced that they certainly got something right. They are making bundles in a booming business.
They are not into making true documentaries, but into creating visual representations of the fetishes and dreams of those who will be consuming their product. They are very successful at what they do,but there are only vague tenuous connections between their product and actual sexual reality. Who would buy a video full of all the insecurities and fumblings that we demonstrate in our own activities. Porn gets it right like CSI, Friends, and Mission Impossible do. Not in our reality, but we can dream.

 

I agree especially with the part about women valuing things other than physical characteristics in men, trust and an emotional connection being two of the biggies. Pmo addicts struggle with giving women those things. For most women sex is 90% in their heads. So a really hot guy with a huge penis can become less attractive or repulsive if he's a jerk or vice versa. Honestly the only bad sex partner is one who refuses to listen to what his partner needs and/or is unwilling to change. There is no special skill other than those two things. Honey do you like when I do x? Does that feel good? What can I do better? Men that are good at sex listen. They don't have some bag of tricks they pull out of their hat because that trick your ex loved your current partner likely hates. And by listen I also mean don't get offended if she offers you sex tips or suggestions.

 

One thing porn gets wrong is that woman like seks as much as man. Porn is usally made for man "hot girls" not hot guys.

 

I love the CSI reference. I'm a lawyer and shows like that can really cause problems in a real life courtroom. The juries don't understand why we don't have all the forsenic techy things they saw on CSI or why we can't do X (likely not admissible in real court) or why can't we solve the case in five minutes with a secret witness that appears out of nowhere to testify in court. The real life practice of law bears very little resemblance to tv!

 

No women like sex just as much as men, some more it's just that for years women were raised to suppress that now we do not. I agree that most porn is made for men though.

 

Well thats what i mean there isn't "female porn". However i noticed that my ex who was adicted to porn watched "male porn" i guess she likes seeing people fuck.

Its something we thinx only guys can get adicted to girls to..

 

I think there is it's just not in the format most men prefer, ie: movies or pictures. There are plenty of raunchy novels out there with very graphic descriptions of sex, take 50 shades of Grey for example? that was a best seller and what it lacks in creative literacy it makes up for in it's portrayal of sadism in a way that brings it more to the mainstream. the fact it's all described in a book rather than graphic pictures somehow makes it more 'acceptable' yet really it's just porn described in words rather than pictures. Although I have to confess i've not read it and now probably wouldn't be a good time to start! but i've read reviews from different sources to get a good idea of what it's about.

 

If you want to see female porn check out a good romance movie, maybe on the Hallmark Channel or lifetime! Women are more about the build up than the act for the most part. But Hallmark movies are just about as accurate as porn is about relationships. There are some companies starting to make female based porn so it's out there but I suspect most men would not want to watch it. I could enjoy watching porn and have in past relationships with partners but it was never something I had to watch I could take or leave it.

 

I watched the 50 shades films but have not read the books. My mom did and said they were better a lot cheesy. I do think women like to use their imagination more but that's not the biggest difference. It's that 50 shades focuses on the relationship and the build up to the sex act. There's lots of passionate kissing, there's courting, etc whereas men's porn just focuses on the act of sex or the sex organs. Women are visual just in different ways. I like a mans muscles or his hair or how he smells or talks. I don't want to go from hey how are you to being sent a dick pic and that's what porn is like. Which explains why so many men send them!!

 

CSI never solves it in 5 minutes. They take almost an entire hour. They only leave time for a couple of feel good lines at the end to wrap it up.

 

I imagine that the producers are learning and will be doing a better job of producing what women want. Maybe it will have a bit more romance.

 

I did not mean literally 5 minutes it was an exaggeration designed to emphasize my point. The crime is solved in an hour or less and the trial takes a small portion of that hour.

 

I think that's doubtful unfortunately because it's not as profitable for them. Men are the largest consumers of porn on a regular basis. They are also significantly more likely to become addicted than women. So it does not make financial sense. I do agree that porn shapes some men's fantasies and sexuality but it also plays to a mans primal instincts of being in control, dominating a woman, being selfish, getting all that he wants and being desired as a sex God. I would be interested in a study that looked at if the rise of feminism had any impact on increased porn use and addiction in men. Using my own experience as an example I am highly educated in a job that screams "power" to men. I run into so men in dating and at work that try in some way to dominate me. It's like they feel like they have lost their traditional role in society and that makes them insecure and they are trying to get it back. They will cat call me in business situations for example or make sexual comments almost trying to remind me that I'm still here to look pretty for them and as a sex object making me somehow less than them. Many people think sexual harassment is about sex but it so rarely is it's an act of dominance and an attempt to put a woman back in her place. Likewise women can now express their own sexual wants and needs and don't have sex just for the man. Up until the 70s even 80s women were taught to be ladies, not go after sex as it would make them sluts and that sex was nothing but a wifely duty. That has totally changed and as a result not only are men no longer in control in the workplace they have lost control in the bedroom as well and have partners who are asking them to change up their technique or telling them they are not sexually satisfied something virtually unheard of 30 years ago, causing insecurities and anxiety in men. So men turn to porn which is reminiscent of a pastime that they will never see in real life. I mean even my Mothers generation (she's 60) played this role. It's been my experience that surprisingly men tend to be the insecurer gender. They are always looking for some way to feel in control in relationships so they can quash that insecurity. So she makes more money, she's better educated, she's more attractive, she's better in bed, instead of running to that woman they run away. And since so many women fall into the category above these days men just say a relationship is too risky let me just stick with porn. In the past men took confidence in their role of provider and knew that most women were pretty much stuck and reliant on them for basic survival as they could not go out and work or gain the same education as men. As long as the man felt he was a good provider then he was confident he was doing a good job in his relationship and for the most part women did not question them. Now we women need so much more and don't need the man to provide. Often the women are providing as the primary wage earners. It's just my little theory about another reason porn use is such an issue for men. I would love to hear thoughts on this. Sorry to hijack the thread. But I do think this plays into pmo use and addiction.