3/30 day. A complicated day. This morning I have been walking almost 3 hours with a good friend. He is straight and very supportive. A great guy! I can talk about everything with him. A week ago we chated about straight Spanish porn and today I've confessed that I have enrolled this challenge. He was surprised. He likes porn too and we usually talk about it or we share with each other funny porn pictures or videos. Now I feel a bit anxious and I'd like to watch some pics. I used to visit several Tumblrs and scrolling through nudes or porn images. I really miss that, but I need to be sober. I've already unfollow some porn Tumblrs that I had in my profile. I will do that little by little. On the other hand, I have not tell anything about the challenge to my boyfriend. I will wait some days more. We go on holidays on Saturday so I'll try to disconnect... Let's see, guys!
I'm on day 7 Counter says day1. Has not been that hard so far, no morning wood (that's fine) so I think I'm in a Flatline. I also think I'm still grieving over my breakup with GF. Definitely feel better (sense of accomplishment). The thing that is tricky about this good feeling is it could trigger one back into PMO I would think? The more I think about what the Porn has done 1. Made me lose my relationship cause intimacy was gone. 2. All the time wasted on Porn. 3. Losing self esteem. 4. PIED. 5. Shame associated with PMO. 6.The depression I think it has caused me to sink into. FUCKING NO MORE I want a respectable Loving, Intimate Relationship WITHOUT PORN FOREVER!!!!!
Checking in. Today is Day 10. This is the point when I have relapsed many times in the past. The milestone gets to me and I get dizzy from the success and give in. But in reality Day 10 feels much the same as Day 9, Day 8 and every other day. The challenge is the always the same - just make it through the day.
Ok, but how do i participate in the challenges? Do i need to relapse so i can start at a legit 0 count?
Day 0, i´ll just start it from there and hope i´m doing it right. December will be my month! Usually it exhausts me with all the plans and stuff, and then in the befinning of the next year i´m to tired for anything. Maybe nofap will help me preserve some energy, thats the goal. I´m in a bad mood and don´t feel very friendly. Will rather be unfriendly than use PMO. Maybe it´s ok to hate life for a while?