I remember when I first started nofap, I was counting the days. Then when I would relapse, I would feel really low and think whether I would ever be able to stop. This was a cycle that happened for over a year, and with every relapse, I would feel even worse and borderline suicidal. The only way to ever stop Watching porn and to get rid of this addiction for good is to control the addiction. You need to really dig deep into your life, and know how negatively porn has affected it and why you need to stop. Counting days will only make you even more depressed. You have to remember that addiction is a mind vs body type of thing, and when you’re stressing yourself over benefits etc and how long your abstained, you’re basically torturing your mind, which in affect will cause stress for your body, which could lead to health problems long term. Quitting porn is easy once you know how bad it is. You can still go over 200 days and be in the mindset that you just need to go another 50 days or whatever to be healed. You need to come to the decision that you won’t ever watch porn again. Think of it as the devil. Think about the relationships it had caused to suffer, and think about other things such as PIED, if you’ve ever had it. I’m telling you from experience, don’t think about porn and do other stimulating activities whilst your body is recovering, and slowly but surely your BRAIN will not rationalise how important PORN is. Don’t fight the addiction, Control it. If you relapse, don’t be in the mindset that you’ve relapsed. I don’t even like the word relapse. Think of this journey as a journey of self discipline. If you watched porn, prioritise and tell your mind that it is ok. You don’t need to binge but you can if you want to, because at the end of the day, you know how bad it affects your body and mind. But all I am saying is that, you need to make Porn the least important thing in your life. Once you do this, i’m Telling you, you won’t even think about it. I’m still going through a flatline, but it’s fine. I know my body’s healing. I don’t have a sex drive yet, but I know through perseverance, that it will come back. Even if you aren’t going through a flatline, if urges do come, why don’t you just try and replace the urge by talking to a female? Through Instagram. At least use the time to try and have sex instead. Rationally, that would be the better option. In terms of benefits, I have received many, and I know more will come. Just don’t think about it, take care of your mental health and try to become the best version of yourself!
I also never liked the word relapse. It just sounds like Restart, start over from scratch, which is the WORST, most destructive way to look at it. Every single effort we give matters, and builds on itself. I view it more as a rest. I went on a 10 day climb, and then I got tired, and rested on my journey. Just like a mountain climber won't climb the whole mountain in one day. Then you get up again to climb even more.
I like the idea about quiting porn for good. Why want to do it again if you already know what it can cause.
PIED is Porn Induced Erection Dysfunction. I've also quit counting the days. Not saying everyone should stop counting, but for me it's no longer about the days. It's about a whole new lifestyle.
THanks. I also just stop the day counting today. Its not about a number its about a life! Stay strong!
I totally agree. If you relapse don't binge. And I don't like the word of "relapse" but in this kind of a forum we use something like this terminology. And the same time it is about how individuals exposed to pornographic content. Think about a person in 5 years he have watched every person and he made a counter what it started 0 day. And think about his alternative twin brother and he have watched a few times, not everyday in his life. And after 5 years he decide to make a counter for himself and he starts at "0" day. Do you think which one is affects more from pornography? It was my greatest mistake, I was counting te days always and if I relapsed, I got despair and I was binging. I can't understand my teenage years. And please be careful this! Stay away from porn as you can!
I used to beat myself up every time I relapsed, I would overthink and ask myself countless questions about the relapse, but what I have learned now through experience is that if you don't forgive yourself you just going to have a hard time, you will be stressed, anxious and find it very difficult to quit. The word relapsed sounds depressing and I don't like hearing it.
Totally agree about focusing on growth and a lifestyle change. I have had a couple episodes where I have chased p-subs down the rabbit hole, but I have made tremendous strides since beginning nofap and I do not see myself every reverting to my old ways. Being free and having additional space in my life feels to good. I have also come to the conclusion that I will never reach a number on the day counter where the addiction or attraction no longer exists. I see the redeeming value of the day counter as way to see what you have personally built through your discipline. I think it does give some individuals pause before acting out as they wish to maintain that momentum and continue to grow the number on their day counter.
I agree. But don't see harm in counting days for at least a month or so. There needs to be a point were you naturally stop counting.
it happens naturally. I was so exited to reach 60-70-90 days. After a while your life starts changing and you stop counting. If you relapse every 20 days obviously you'll count the days forever!
Except the fact that you slide all the way down when you take a 'rest', but you do strengthen your muscles for next time.
There are pros and cons, IMHO, to counting days. For those of us early on in reboot, day counts are a goal; one day, two days, 20, 30 and so on. Each one sober seems like a huge achievement and motivation to keep up the progress. On the other hand, and I've experienced this feeling, a relapse and counter-restart hurts and can contribute to added shaming we don't need. When I relapsed 28 days ago, it sucked. But I learned from the experience to let go of the shame and embrace myself for the effort and achievement (I'd made it to 20 days, my previous record). Then I picked myself up and rebooted. I envision a day and time when counting days will be meaningless and unnecessary, and I look forward to that time. Meanwhile, each time the counter ticks over, I quietly thank myself and appreciate the sobriety I've achieved. Count or not to count isn't the issue. It's staying clean and working a reboot that matters!
In terms of the day counter you do slide down, but in terms of the actual journey of NoFap, you are right where you left off. The day counter, and the actual graph chart of a persons NoFap progress are different things.