Seems you are in caught up in an emotional hamster wheel of sorts. Have you tried a recovery curriculum? I am currently following the curriculum on Recovery Nation (recoverynation.com). It is very intensive and requires a lot of sincere work especially to grow emotionally cause our problems are rooted in a negative emotional core. You are very young. I am 33 now. I wish I had nofap, YBOP and Recovery Nation when I was your age. I regret having lost so much time. Keep going!
Shortly after posting i went to a casual sexsite looking to hookup and it all led back to porn and masturbation. I need to surrender lust in all forms if i want to be free. Im too old for this crap. No pmo or sex outside of a committed loving relationship is the ideal i need to embrace . I hope i can accept that though im not feeling very optimistic rite now. Ill never attract real love or develop real srlf love and respect as long as im a slave to this addiction. One day at a time. I say that for mysrlf.
Beside even if i did have sex with some anonymous hookup the moment after i orgasmed i would feel disgust and want to be as far from the person as possible. Anytime i engage in meaningless ananymous sex i always feel crappy afterward. The few minutes are no where worth all the trouble before the event and self disgust after. One day at a time