Should I forgive an abusive father?

Of course, it is impossible to forget, but you need to forgive. I think if you call him at least once every six months, this will be enough for him.

 

As practice shows all our problems from childhood. The way our parents treated us at the age of 2-7 years forms our psyche for the future life. Maybe it'll be rude. But. Forget the tyrant father. or at least for a while. consult a psychologist and start building your life

 

Always forgive people for making mistakes, their ego made them do this behavior. This also helps to peace your own mind, if you make peace with the past you can focus on the present.
Rather you want to get back in contact depends on yourself. If you forgive his ego, you can be more open for contact and maybe just call him once? See if he has improved his way of life. After that, you can decide if you want to keep having this relationship active or not. When in doubt, just make the call i advise.

 

This was something I was asking myself few years back.

I think the best way for you to move forward in life and be at peace with yourself is if you do forgive him or this question is going to be forever lingering in your mind. That's my opinion.

Personally speaking, my relationship with my father was as worse as anything could get and our family is torn apart because of him. Childhood was really hard and I despised him more so than anyone at one point in my life. Now that I am 24, I have a fresh perspective on life. There were a lot of things going on in my dad's life when he was younger (job stress, his own family stress with brothers and sisters etc) and I am more lenient now knowing what I know. I forgave him and never looked back at that decision and even though we dont talk as much (I talk to him here and there to see how he is doing), it feels like a burden has been lifted of my chest. The key once you forgive will be to never look back at that decision because there may come days when you are depressed for some reason and you recall all the bad things that ever happened to you. Just forgive and never look back.

I wish you well.

 

It's kind of crazy situation if you ask me. Mine used to yell at me often cause I didn't know how to do whatever he never told me how to do and just yelled at me for some stupid, useless stuff. But he's my father. He told me to be careful with women, to not fall in traps, to love animals, told stories and spent time with me. So of course I love that guy.
But your case is crazier. But if he really cares and all, you better go and talk to him. Fuck work. Family is first thing, then is some other stuff. Talk with him and ask him how does he feel about whatever he used to do. And ask him does he feel guilty. I guess he does. But father is father. It's not a fake friend or enemy. And what happened is past, so you better heal these wounds by forgiving than just tearing your skin apart by being even more mad about it.
And you better do it if you are father/will be one, it can REALLY affect you!

 

My mother was abusive, physically and emotionally. Not until 2013-14 did I try building a relationship with her and it wasn’t until 2018 that I fully forgive her.

It was a great weight off my shoulders. I had been holding resentment against her for decades and it had made me an angry and bitter man over all deep down inside. I hated her and hated women in general.

Fortunately for me, my mother changed for the better and I changed for the better. We get along great now. I no longer hate her or hate women.

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My suggestion is forgive your dad, take small steps in re-establishing contact, but don’t put yourself in a position where he can abuse you again.

Hopefully he’s mellowed.

There is no reason to allow the abuse to continue no matter who the family member is. But since he is your dad I think it is a good idea to try and connect with him in a way that is safe for you.

If he gets verbally abusive then perhaps you’ll have to consider cutting off contact again.

I hope it goes well.

 

I think you should, but it's really up to you. I also had an abusive step father and know exactly how you feel. Forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you so you can heal and move on

I have forgiven my step dad. Doesn't mean you have to have something to do with him though. I don't have anything to do with my step dad, one of the great things about being an adult is making choices

I've found freedom in being an adult. I can be a million miles away, or right next to you if I want. It's great

 

You don't have to forgive him before you feel ready to do so, and if he hurts you, you don't have to have a strong relationship with him.

But forgiving people who hurt you in the past is the only way you can allow the old wounds heal and move on, so that should be your ultimate goal. Wether that means that you'll rebound with your father or not is up to you and him.

 

Forgive? Always.



Build a strong relationship again? Be wise. Before they are a parent, they are a human being. Just because they are your parent doesn’t excuse the kind of human they are. I made this mistake myself with my mother. I tried my best to build a relationship with her because she is my mother, but the kind of human she is? It was better for me to just walk away.

If she changes, my heart is open to her. I’m not holding anything against her, but I also can’t reconnect because of the kind of misery she would pour into my life.

All the best to you.

 

Yeah the excuse somebody is ur father doesnt mean you owe him something.

My father was very bad too me also; alcoholic, manipulative, killing my heart, killing in public, destroying confidence and anything I loved.

But yeah, he had his problems I understand it but even though he never said sorry I forgave him because hatred only was a burden to me and I understand how hard problems can be.
I still find him toxic as fuck so im not contacting him at all, and told him that. And felt much better since.

 

Each person certainly needs to approach such situations with wisdom. Every case is different and needs different responses.

I agree that no one should feel obliged to contact the abusive parent.

It worked out for me but might not work out for others. So be careful everyone and don’t let anyone manipulate and control you, not even a parent.

 

You don't have to forgive. Many find forgiving freeing but some don't. And when you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with them.