Hello fellow Fapstronauts, I am attaching a link to my story. http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/self-improvement-quest.38749/ In this thread I will share some experiences and thoughts on how to build mental toughness. Mind you, I am no YODA or super mental athlete. I am just a beginner and have failed many times, but I have studied the issue a lot. Now I need to start applying the theory to make real progress. The first rule of mental toughness is the capacity to "delay gratification". The voice is screaming in your head. It is asking us to go to a porn website. If your addiction has progressed, it might be worse. You may be tempted to go to a massage parlor, hire an escort, get into a "casual sex" website. When the temptation arrives, it seems unbearable at first. But can we do something relatively simple? Can we just breathe a few times and state the following: "I am not sure whether I can be strong forever. I have failed before but I am not going to fail now. Just this time, I am committed to keep fighting. I will NOT fall into the trap for the next 10 minutes. I will remain strong and focused. Ten minutes is not the end of the world and I can do it". If we can resist ten minutes, and delay gratification, your brain will change little by little. After 10 minutes the urges are likely to be weaker and we should try doing something else, listen to some music, exercise, etc. Little by little, our brain learns to resist the discomfort and focus on something else...
I like it. Somebody posted similar advice a while ago. It said that "the pause" was the most powerful skill we could learn,
It is a strong technique. You learn to control your urges and live your life consciously. I found out however, that is is worthless without a strong emotional basis. There were times when I felt so depressed, worthless etc., that I simply didn't not have the strength or motivation to apply this technique, feeling like "Why should I even try...", "What am I even doing this for..." So my goal is to work on that emotional basis, which will help me apply all the things I have already learned.
Thats sound interesting. The pause. Well, I have tried the things described above and it is useful, but agree with @cae - Once you have your why in place it is even better. For me knowing about how consciousness works and experience how it works through mindful meditation has helped me a lot. Here I can recommend Headspace that has some good training videos that gives some good metaphors about how our mind works. Sam Harris is also a very good resource for understanding how our mind is just this canvas of thoughts and feelings, and though they maybe strong at times, just accept them and see them pass away seconds after. Now I'm getting ahead of myself: All I can say meditation is very useful as well for building a stronger and more resilient mind.
I think people tend to miss the point. Willpower has it's place. But understanding is key, here. You can will yourself for a while, but sooner or later your mind will say "why?" Why am I willing myself not to do this? Well, if you have an understanding, you'll know why. Read the suggested links. Understand the why.
Here's another idea to build an Iron Mind and I do not think it is particularly insightful or novel, but it works for me. Our bodies get used to whining a lot: we feel tired, hungry, cold, hot, etc. We then react like automatons most of the time: we complain about the situation and have a perception of being "miserable" for a while. We linger in negative thoughts. But how about following the Buddha's advice: the first moment of discomfort is like a "dart" hitting your body, but it is the "second dart" that you create in your mind that matters. How we think about the event that just occurred, determines our capacity to handle it and it can even affect our own perception of things. In my case, next time I feel an urge, or I feel anxiety or irritation for something that has just happened, I will just breathe and observe the dart that hit my body. Then I will say: "this is an emotional reaction to a physical sensation that I can handle. There is no need to amplify this or feel that it is unbearable. The first dart was small and the second is manageable because I decide to make it so". I read that a great secret for success in any activity in life is the capacity to STAY CALM. Great leaders are capable of demonstrating this skill in the most stressful situations. We can be leaders of our own life. I am no GURU but I share this with you hoping to remind myself of what is important.
This quote I found only some days ago. My key is my motivation. The quote that I always have in mind is this one : "When you feel like quiting remember why you started !! "
Many thanks greatman, And what is the role of the cold showers? how do they help build an iron mind? Is the role of discomfort useful to train yourself on how to withstand urges and tame your mind?
@warriorofthelight70 The role of the cold showers is that they are making us stronger. They kill the urges and have a lots of benefits for our health. It"s also something that not everybody can do . That"s why someone said "Do every day something that you are afraid of " -because that's how we can get out of our comfort zone.
Wish you the best @warriorofthelight70 . Dont"t forget ! Baby steps at the beginning. Small objectives and you will succeed !!
Building an Iron Mind is not Easy. Ask yourself what you need to do to get stronger. Here are some tips: 1) Accept life as it is. Do not whine, gossip or complain. These are like viruses of the mind. 2) Live in the present moment. If your mind is constantly wandering about, reliving the past, worrying about the future, etc. You become a robot. You are not in control. An iron mind requires being in the present moment. Check out the book by Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of Now". 3) Be a Ninja, always on the alert for toxins that can contaminate your brain. These can take two forms: mental toxins (e.g. negative thoughts, excessive worry, too much self-importance) or physical handicaps. If you can, you should exercise and remain fit. There is no need to become a slave to your body. No need to impress any one. But you should try to stay healthy. 4) Be Honest. If you are not. Your remorse will not allow your brain to function well. You will carry regrets. An iron mind cannot be built on a heap of straw, on false perceptions, thoughts or actions. 5) Think about others before yourself. If you help others, they will help you. A positive feeling of accomplishment and purpose will come to your life. If you do all these things (other ideas welcome) you are on your way to build an Iron Mind...
@warriorofthelight70 Great advice! I have never thought of this technique called the pause. I have always just thought in a moment of trouble, "Can't do this, can't do this, I won't look." But if you break it up into 10 min segments it sets a real goal that is measureable and you can suceed at it in exacetly 10 mins! Brilliant wrestle_the_mind
What else can we do to Build an Iron Mind? What else? Here's a simple equation: Iron Mind = Capacity to Remain CALM. It means you are able to observe what is happening to you from a detached position. Somebody mentioned taking cold showers. Another technique is the Plank: As you add seconds to this position, your mind gets used to handling discomfort and it becomes stronger. Give it a try!