I can not feel emotion because of 7 years pmo since 12

My dad died two weeks ago,with a heart attack.I barely feel sad even at the funeral.I did CPR for ten minutes till medical supporters came.In the process,I know he died,my mom crying beside,but I dont feel much different.Then I pretend to be sad in the next 7days.He lived 55years.Im 19.Im on a college.I can not feel any emotion because of 7 years pmo since 12.Yet I dont know if it's just that I am a heartless person.I remembered clearly that in 13 I had a crush on a girl,I loved her much.but I dont have any feelings about the girls in a relationship with me since then.I dont feel any emotion,I feel feelings like sad and angry and happy,I feel sympathy and empathy sometimes.I suffer from severe PIED,cant have a crush on girls.I have a sense of humor.I feel life is boring and lost its meaning.I have a lot of experiences and stories to tell in here.Im not writing these quickly cuz Im not a native speaker.So i will write my things every day bit by bit.I decide to quit porn and mastrubation and fantasys again(failed a million times before maybe).So I decide to share my stories and experiences here everyday and talk to you guys everyday and browse NoFap everyday to remind myself of quitting this bullshit.#ask me anything #talk to me

 

Sorry,I dont have any resorces to this book,could you please tell whats on it briefly?I heard things like people have emotional numbness because they dont express thier emotions right in their younger time.But I dont think theres something wrong with my childhood experiences.