Day 108. Horrible day at work today. Insanely stressful and felt very triggered due to the stress. Cravings were difficult. Still working as I write this. I need to wrap up and go to sleep. Days like this are a real test.
Day 7 complete! It's the ranks of the Uruk-Hai for me. It's been a jam-packed school week for me but four tests are now done. Looking forward to relaxing some tomorrow, and then on Sunday I'll be cooking a meal for a few friends. I'll have to be careful that I'm able to indulge in the sense of things "going well" without becoming too lax and leading myself into a relapse. A one-week streak is okay but I can do so much more!
Feel depressed, lonely and in the second day of catching some cold, feel muscle aches and had difficulty in meditation this morning, plus temptations in my sleep(woke up 3 - 4 times today-1am, 2am, 4am), feel overwhelmed and food taste doesn't bring much satisfation.
50 days Moria, the greatest Dwarven Kingdom, is before you. With a beard and a axe, you´re a Dwarf now.
Still struggling with getting control of sexual fantasizing. And caught myself fishing again. Glad I have started working out again, so that is good. I made a tracker to track my fishing/fantasizing, so that will help me regain focus and be my "check engine" light. I have always noticed that when I slack on discipline I fish/fantasize. Definite precursor to pmo. My plan is to do some "brainwashing" Soaring Eagle style, and incorporate regular meditation into my routine, and see if that gets me back in the game. Have a great day everyone!
day 7 yesterday was stressful because my brother maybe has a covid - today he is going to test it. Because of that, I couldn't sleep so I thought about PMO but this wasn't a strong need and it was easy to fight against this thought. Win! Also, my today plan not worked out about meeting some people and bonding so I am trying to figure out something different. Keep in fight bros and sis!!!! We can do it!
Before you leave to go to work, get out a piece of paper and write a note to yourself. Something like: "Dude, this is your best self, the guy who's fresh and ready for the day. I want you to know I love you, and I know you've had a long day and you're finally home and looking to release all that stress. I know right now porn seems like it would feel really good, especially with that new VR headset. But bro. REMEMBER how you feel after. You feel like shit. You're depressed and ashamed, and a little disgusted with yourself. Watching porn now will not help with your stress, it will make it worse. And I love you too much to dig yourself a deeper hole. So listen, I already made a plan for what I want you to do. First, go jump in a cold shower--whoop and yell and release all that stress. Then, sit down and do 3 rounds of Wim Hoff breathing; you're gonna feel soooo blissed out by the end of that. Finally, we're going to bang out 50 pushups. Doesn't matter how long it takes or how pretty they look. 50. By then the workday stress will be gone, and you'll be ready to get some food, maybe chat with your parents, and be your best self. Bro, you got this. I love you!" I mean it, physically write that note and leave it on your computer, or VR headset. Think about that note during the day, and run your plan through your head--watch yourself, in your mind, coming home, reading the note, and doing the things it's telling you to do. The more you visualize this, the easier it will be. Then, when you get home, read the note, do the things, and feel awesome! I had to do this a lot the first two weeks, and it really works.
I hope that today is better for you. I have noticed that sometimes just getting to bed early is the best strategy. I would, however, caution against the use of certain language (the word need in particular). I know this is nitpicky and all my opinion so take it or dismiss it, I am only speaking from my experience. I have personally been working on using the words "need, must, love" less and less. This is so that they work away from my thoughts since there are truly few things that I "need/must" do and "love" is a word that I feel should be reserved for very specific and intentional usage. Just a thought my friend and I hope your weekend is free of stress!
Day 15, Happy to be a Hobbit again! Had a nice run this morning and drinking coffee while making this post. I intend to hold Kindness and Compassion in thought while staying PMO free this weekend. Stay strong Fellowhip!