I lost my life and cant get it back

Acting out on a porn related fetish in real life has been the worst and most crushing decision ive ever made in my life.

Every second of every day since then has been in agony.

Life is not the same anymore and i find fun in nothing.

My spirit is killed. My mind is warped.

Im so depressed that its not even funny.

I thought i knew depression and sadness before and that was a damn joke.

I cant do this. No words seem to soothe the pain, the more time goes by the more it eats my conscience.

Ive actually been glued to this forum since it happened. Crying out for help.

My inner self is crying out for help. I seriously dont know what else to do.

Ive talked to a certain loved one for days, hours a day, and it still hasnt resolved this issue.

Im done for. please if anyone has the solution HELP ME. Any change of perspective to get me out of this.

Im living in a nightmare.

 

Im so lonely in this, is there any cure? Am i mentally damaged forever?

 

My problem isnt becoming PMO free. I dont care about PMO anymore. If staying on reboot could help, i certainly hope it will.

My problem is coping with sexual activies i tried in real life. Im traumatized by it. I dont know what to do about this. Ive been depressed for over a week

 

I have no real way to cope with this, also im starting to be paranoid about STD because recently my stomach has been hurting for 2 days straight with unusual stools. (Hopefully this is just coincidence)

So now my mind is really running on fumes. I cant take it anymore.

Im scared out of my mind by not just the experience but how it will and is already effecting my future in more ways than i can count.


I feel cursed. Youre the first person i can relate to who has trauma associated with a sexual experience. And for that alone i feel less lonely.

 

Im such a worthless scumbag making my mom and dad depressed. Theyre depressed over me being depressed. I really wish i could be happy for them.

I wish i could connect with them. They lost their son

 

I dont think therapy is a viable optipn for me right now. Other than that i cant seem to pull myself out of this.

Im defeated and i feel my days of being happy are far behind me. The internalized struggle of something like this is of such a grim nature that it dulls the entire experience of my life and puts a dark ending to it.

I cant begin to describe the toll this has on me. I cant have even a geniune happy moment with my family. Do you know what that is doing to them? The worst part is they think it will be ok but i dont think ill ever be ok

 

I calculate every moment now and know exactly how great it would be if it wasnt for what happened.

I lost so many opportunities, so much self respect, so much peace. All robbed in an insant.

What hurts the most is how easy it was to prevent. This is the hardest pill to swallow. Ive seen other peoppe lose their life over senseless crap and i truly feel bad for the price they have to pay. Its not quantifiable when you feel like you lost your soul

 

I wish i had that kind of mind set but i have certain views that just dont allow me to see it that way. I also have some kind of underlying depression i need to deal with first probably.

This just piles onto it and makes it harder

How i feel about it is like a rubix cube i cant solve.

My mind is twisted like a pretzel and i dont know really how to straighten it back out.

All i know is i keep going down these dark avenues in my mind.

Your words were somewhat encouraging though.

We have 2 such drastic perspectives on the situation at hand.

Im treating it so heavy and non overcomable. That could be a sign of weakness or just my breaking point.

 

The same thing happened with you?

 

Did you act out in real life or just struggle with porn

 

My concern is not about battling porn or sex addiction anymore or getting sober.

I have no desire for either

Its the effects this has had on my mental health. I havent been able to find anything that relieves the regret

 

Are you still suffering the consequences?