Too old for a new start. Loneliness is crashing me...

When I was your age I was destined to be a very successful human being. Everybody knowing me would shower me with praises, admiring and awe for my abilities and charisma. 40 years later I look at the past and all the wrong turns I took. Two failed marriages (my mistakes), a failed career (my mistakes), no money (my mistake), bad health (my mistake) and a number of other minor failures (which again were due to my mistakes). I used to believe I could conquer the world overnight. To believe in myself now would be naïve.....

 

Thank you for spending time with me. Loneliness becomes more sufferable when someone takes your mind, even for a little while, away from reality.

I wish to spend it with as less pain (physical, emotional, mental) as possible. I spend a huge part of my day escaping from reality, losing myself in video games. I have an overactive mind that, if left alone, it gets me into a spiral until I crash and then it takes days to recover.

Recommendation? If you haven't (I hope you haven't) PLEASE read Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. I grew up with it being my "Bible".

 

Thank you.
Every response to my post I read, brings a tear of gratitude towards the person who responded. I am an empath. The pain of others became my pain. Their sorrows became my sorrow. And their satisfaction became mine too. So, I do know the healing effect of gratitude both to the one feeling it and the one receiving it.

 

Thank you for sparing a thought for me!

You are so right!
I wish I was wise enough to apply that in the last 40 years...

 

If finding oneself to be tortured by loneliness, admitting to oneself that this is TOTALLY because of one's mistakes is "playing the victim" according to you, I don't know what to say. The victim of whom? Myself? Because I blame nobody else for my situation.

If I knew how to break the barrier in front of me, believe me I would. Being a pragmatist one has to admit that some things are impossible.

And a note about the video you posted: The person in the video didn't succeed that overnight. It took years of training, watching his diet and health. I could do that too if I started exercising 20 years ago.

Your post kept me some company for a few minutes (though, imho, I didn't deserve the attack). For this I am grateful. You could just ignore my post, which would make my loneliness even worse...

 

I'm not sure I agree with you. But if I come across as "playing the victim" maybe I should admit my mistake (again), delete my post and stop looking for understanding...

 

As I said earlier, in one of my posts: I am an empath. I cried with bitter tears every time I heard of parent losing a child. I cannot think of anything worse than that.
I KNOW there's always someone else worse off than me. But it's not a relief for me. It's more sorrow and suffering that somewhere, some person exists with problems worse than mine...

A favor (if you want to spend the time): Do you think that a person feeling lonely to the point of admitting it and looking for some kind words, some compassion, some company, is a crime or a sin that should be punished?

 

I REALLY hope that you follow every tip of advice you give me here.
All of these are valuable lessons that one needs decades to comprehend and make them part of one's life.
And you are only 17!
You are an old soul Panda.
Don't waste that!

 

Tears. That's all you gonna get from me now.
Tears of gratitude.
I'll be back....

 

There are so many factors other than willpower alone. Presuming that things are doable just because the willpower exists is wrong.
The gratitude I feel towards all of you who decided to spend some of their time to offer a helping hand, an advice, a kind word makes the loneliness more sufferable and less painful. The truth, though, is that the problems causing this loneliness remain and won't go away because they are real and they are blockages to moving on.

 

I said that I will be back...
You forced me to go back to drawing board.
To revisit every dead end I'm faced with, looking for a way out.
The solutions are either impossible or need an enormous amount of energy, time and/or money to achieve.
I wouldn't have a problem going into details but it would end up being a "show of negativity" and extremely boring (and frustrating) for many of the other members of the forum.
It would be better to just shut up and take my problem elsewhere...

My gratitude is still a given. You showed compassion without dismissing me and my loneliness as "playing the victim".
Honesty IS the preferable way in most cases, for most problems.
BUT you better avoid it when you are talking to a dying wounded soldier....

 

I find it fair to revisit this.
My wife, who has a steady job, was kind enough to suggest to me, before she left, to support me financially after she was gone.
I refused, of course, because I find it unimaginable to accept charity.
When/if the time comes and there are no longer financial means to support myself, it is preferable to show myself out...

 

Thank you for your motivating words.
I think asking for some company in a time of loneliness was/is a wise decision. Maybe not a tough or brave one (unless, of course, one knew me from the past) but still...