The Lord of the Rings Challenge

You're doing great , just need to get some daylight between you and that last fishing incident and you will be stable again
I would have relapsed 10 times this week if it were not for the no peek rule I set myself. Even one peek can be lethal. And if u do peek it is like a mini relapse where you need to get a period of abstinence going again to slowly close off the delta fos b highways and start experiencing other sources of dopamine and pleasure so your brain doesn't automatically go for the easy fix and learns that there are alternatives with much longer more satisfying results - that is my 2 cents anyway and again - you are doing great!

 

Day 0

Dammit, they got me again. I'm back on my feet, ready to get on the journey again, though.

 

It's strange, although it's fragile, I think I'm on the path now that could get me to a long long streak. At the same time everything seems so chaotic and I so undisciplined. But one is for sure: if I don't cherish this path, if I should fall into despair or maybe even let a thought of hopeless rule for a moment this prospect will pop like a soapbubble. I must walk the line very carefully and stubborn hold on to this, no matter what. My last relapse started with one of such thoughts.

I should be happy with what is and greatful! I should also strive for more and do what I can, but never forget: whatever happens, I mustn't look at porn. Whatever happens I don't fall into despair. I need give me this credit, this safe-space. Let's put it this way: I'm an recoverying addict and anonymous (here nobody knows who I am, in rl nobody knows I'm a pa). Thus, even if the other don't know it, I'm in a very delicate situation, I have to be super careful with myself, do self care.
Probably I suck a lot in self care. So I want structure, discipline, hard work, achievement. Of course that's good. But it's still a long way. I can walk it and I should but for now only as a recovering addict. It just means I have to take my stupid self into account.

I hope this makes sense to you and that it can help someone else too: make recovery and self-care a priority! Start with it, if you haven't! Be careful with what you tell yourself, with what degree you let others or media get in your head.
I think it's also true that we aren't 24/7 addicts on the verge to relapse. But it may be several times a day, in a week or in a month - suddenly we are in danger zone. That's were we need to have our control mechanisms at place. Check and balance!

Sorry, this is no great wisdom. I just want to say it not only to me but also to you.
Just do - you can!

 

Checking in Fellowship Friends!

Day 300 free of MO and day 372 free of Porn.


This entire journey is really magnificent. The highs and the lows, once you remove addiction you are set to face the real you in the mirror, with no filters. At the start, any addict will not like what they see. This is normal and it's okay, this is your starting point. Where you build yourself up and get to know yourself along the way. You slowly free yourself from the shackles of an addictive autopilot mode.

Personally, I've improved a lot with regards to emotional management and as well regarding my discipline with managing my overall internet addiction. I can spot what I'm attempting to run away from, I can short circuit the autopilot and redirect it. I choose to feel, as opposed to numbing my brain out.

The battle is not over yet though, one must remain vigilant at all times. We must constantly hone the skills that help us stay away from addiction. I believe this is an important lesson for all, people with long streaks may relapse because they step away from the habits that brought them so far, they become complacent in their practices. It's at those very moments, when complacency first arises, that you must reinforce your why and sharpen your positive habits.

Today I step into the realm of Dwarf King.

Stay strong my friends!
300 days You enter the tower of Cirith Ungol, the fortress that guards the passage to Mordor. The tower is heavely guarded by PMO forces so the Valar have promote you to Dwarf-King. The beard and axe are back with double strenght. All Hail, King under the Mountain!!!

 

52 days
This time I'll make it to the 90

Huge congratulations to @modern milarepa ! You're an inspiration regarding self-discipline! All the best

 

Checking in. I've been backsliding but hopefully back on track.

 

485 days

 

Phew. Day 1 complete.

I've missed an eventful couple days of checking in. I made it 14 days clean, two full weeks, very nice, but I fell right after that before I could become a hobbit. That was yesterday, so now I'm past the Nazgul stage and back to being an Orc. Being properly rested really is key. That's what got me. I was practically asleep on my feet when I relapsed.

One thing I've learned from talking to friends, though, is that I need to have hope. This addiction to PMO is not a fixed, immutable part of who I am. Despair is the easiest and the least helpful consequence of a fall. Changing my life for the better and leaving this addiction behind for good is well within the realm of my possibility. I can't do it on my own, not in a vacuum, but no one's asking me to. I can do it. So can you.

St. Margaret of Scotland, pray for us! Fun fact, the guy who has the room directly across the hall from me is a direct descendant of hers.

 

Day 275

 

Day 12

So the rent thing is solved and I am fine for sure. Glad I was able to keep from PMOing despite everything. If I had relapsed I'd be regretting it now. I've taken a few days off working out to rest my body. My legs especially needed rest I think. I'll get back to it tomorrow.

I guess there were a ton of mudslides and flooding due to excessive rain in my region, so my dad is trapped in some little town and can't leave since all the highways home are closed. A bunch of people died and are missing in he slide. I was a bit worried when I stopped hearing from him for around a day, but seems he's still fine.

 

Day: 1
Feeling good. I am glad I remained honest. I feel like I can do it.

 

Day 69! Nice!

 

Day 23 - Hobbit, the village of Bree

 

Day 268 no PMO.

 

Day 4 finished
On Day 5

 

Congrats! Please keep posting your reflections here. These posts are of a great help to us and I expect by helping us you will be helping yourself to stay on course also

 

Day 28 - Hobbit

I had several sexual dreams last night, one where I was specifically looking for porn online. I woke up confused, angry at myself, and needing to pee. Earlier yesterday evening I overstimulated myself while washing, and I think that sent some chaser effects in my dreams. I haven’t M’ed in so many days that I think my body is hypersensitive to any stimulation. Even writing this I feel the chaser. I’m doing good though, still not bringing my phone into the bedroom anymore. This is for younger me, he deserves for me to be strong when he couldn’t. I want to do the difficult thing even when it sucks. PMO is only bad for me and will make me feel so much worse afterwards. I don’t want to hide from my emotions.

I bought a DnD handbook last night, and some dice! I’m wanting to start a group with some friends. I’m planning out my holiday activities, going to make a lot of food. Need to look up turkey recipes today, I’ve never cooked one before. Work has still been kind of annoying, I’m praying for patience with my coworker. It also doesn’t help that all the work left to do on my project is the most boring stuff. It’s been a rough week, I won’t lie.

I hope everyone has a good day, peace and love brothers, God bless.

 

Day 7

 

Not all those who wonder are lost.

Day zero.
Not to happy, not too sad.
Just want to be on day one already

 

567 days semen retention