Day 2, feeling good, but I almost forgot to check in today! A habit planner can really save ya when you're about to forget something. Onto day 3
Keeping strong in here, but there's still a lot of room for change and improvement. Gonna do my best this week! The sad feeling keep haunting me, but they somehow take my drive away, so I'm kinda glad for them.
18 days – PMO forces have spotted you!! With haste you use the Bucklebury Ferry to cross the Brandywine river. And across the river I go... I guess it's goodbye to the shire and into the world of men! Pretty slow, boring day at work today. I got a few things I wanna get done before I head to bed, so I'll leave this entry sparse and get to it!
Day 4 It’s been a long time since I've been on day 4, the first three days are truly hell. Finally I’m completely free of covid so today I’m going to get out of the house, sit in a nice coffee place were I know it would be easter not to fap, afterwards I’ll go to the gym and for the first time in two weeks and it is funny how happy I am to be going there. I’ve been reading your brain on porn again, and oh man do I feel silly (and a whole lot more adjectives that are not nice) for not quitting porn yet. I know all of the information. Now it is just understanding all of the feelings that are involved with this. And find the willpower to fill that spark of urge to PMO and crash it immediately. Good luck everyone.
I’m with you on the three day hell. But on some level I think it makes things “easier”. You know what you are fidgeting against at that time. This is the time to get out of the house at 08:00 and not go back until you are exhausted at 20:00. Find any library / coffee place / working overtime at your job or any other excuse to make sure that you are past these 72 hours. You can do this!
Day 7 yesterday, was a travel day so nothing to worry about PM wise. Today is home day, a little bit trickier, but I feel focused and want to get rid of it for a loooong time
Day 399 no PMO. Good day overall. Worked at church, cleaned up the house and took a nap. No urges to report.
Trigger Plan - Coming up on 2 weeks in which I have had minimal to no urges due to flatline & low low dopamine - but as Scandanavian Bob says Week 3 is the hyper sensitive neural pathways week, in that if a trigger hits, the neural pathways light up like never before and the urges can be fierce ( I guess due to the fact that the body and mind are tired of such chronically low dopamine levels ). This is a trigger plan I did in November, which I am dusting down again. Pre urges: Memories - think of something else, something that interests me Mental pressure to peek, fish or act out (while not an actual urge) - Read up on the harm of PMO - Post to this forum Drudgery in Work - do a diff task for awhile - take a break - get some fresh air - do some breathing exercises - play some music - chat a friend or colleague - break the task into manageable chunks - just do 2 mins more Being rejected or ghosted by a colleague or friend - nip any self pity in the bud - go for a walk in nature - observe the animals and birds Realise this time will pass and I will be strong again shortly Triggers Trigger content being talked about in work - tune out, change the subject, get back to work Flirting or being flirted with in work - be kind, but get out of the situation Getting a text or chat with trigger content - delete - get some fresh air - stay away from electronics as much as possible the rest of that day or night Seeing a trigger scene on a film or TV - Ideally this should not happen as I am committed to a full detox for 90 days but if it does then divert the eyes, switch off, skip past it, get away from electronics Tired/ Exhausted at end of day - do not lean on the devices to relax, go for a walk, fresh air, or if too tired read a book or even a comic if I just want something light, wind down nice and easy, get to bed early and look forward to good night's sleep Trigger content comes up in searches etc... - have blockers on, and if something still comes up, turn it off and turn away - flee from this like it was the plague - go for a walk Study the harm of PMO Keep posting here Realise this time will pass and I will be strong again shortly Urges If the urges come on strong here is a list of stuff I can use: Post here asap Look to do some activity for at least an hour Watch a non trigger movie - this takes my mind to another place Play a game, preferably a board game Read an absorbing book, novel, comic Go for a run (preferably trail run in nature) Go for a cycle Go for an open water swim Do a workout - but I have found with physical training you have to put in double the effort, really break into a good sweat because only half doing the workout can make the urges worse Book a physio, chiropractor or massage therapist, or just go nuts on the foam roller & tennis ball Call up a friend(s) or family and arrange to meet up - remember that this meeting will be terrible and will leave an awful impression on your friend (s) if you relapse beforehand Plan to get to bed early, and best is have a planned meeting early the next morning (e.g. a workout or jog) so you are motivated to go to bed early Keep up the breathing exercises, but I find, when the urges come on, something more physical really helps Realise this time will pass and I will be strong again shortly In the case I've peeked or worse still fished Treat it like a mini relapse Do the plane crash post mortem Get really really serious with yourself - what the fuck are you doing! Realise this time will pass and I will be strong again shortly Watch the freedom fight video on relapsing Realise I just need get get trigger free days between me and that last peek Realise the delta fos b highways will be screaming for action Man up to these urges and face the bastards down This is the time for chest beating, really really go into battle mode Get out as much as possible Meet people as much as possible And if this is not possible then fill the days with activities or movies anything to take the mind off the trigger Post here Go for a very long hike, long run, long cycle - like get out for 3-4 hours min Ask for help Pray hard on hands and knees please St. Michael defend us !
Also recommended by end of second week is a list of the Why we stop: - lower back pain - weak kidneys - low self confidence - depression - 15-20% less strong/ fast/ lung capacity when exercising (and it takes about 5-10 weeks to get this back) - Ever decreasing life blood - shortening lifespan - lowered white blood cell count - compromised auto immune - more vulnerable to auto immune diseases - extremely irritable now for next 2 weeks - not able to give energy to others which harms familial and collegial relationships - less capacity for work which harms my career - hijacking the body and minds natural reward system - overloading the neural pathways with dopamine that cannot be replicated in the natural world, leading to disconnecting from nature/ reality/ life - mental illness issues due to disconnecting from reality - downward spirals of substitute addictions - heightened procrastination - less resilience - exponentially faster aging
Checking in brave Warriors Good day so far, a bit anxious, but i have good energy and motivation, so that counts for something Following all my reboot plan, no slack , also no urges Well, it seems the world is going ballistic with the punch of will smith. well, i´m gonna adress this, trying not to be judgmental. it´s crystal clear that the comment of chris rock about jada was over the top, but Will´s reaction was way worst. so, for me, that i delt with so much inner pain, and watched my fellow rebooters go through theirs, my take is that Will smith has some inner pain that isn´t processed yet. maybe it´s an old grudge with chris, maybe it´s an emotional wound about his wife´s health, whatever it is, it showed that the pain is still there. and in the face of a strong trigger, it bursts out. what this has to do with us? because all addicts have this problem, i´m not saying that will smith is an addict of course, but it´s this kind of unprocessed emotional issues, that causes responses of escapism in different forms. an addiction being one of the extremes. so don´t run away from the pain Fellowship. be with it, feel it, wether is hurt, shame, guilt, fear... stay with it. be mindful of the negative thoughts running your mind, be mindful of the body hurting. just be, don´t judge, don´t push away, be. the solution to pain is in the pain, in the listening. and always remember that you have inner value, inner worth, no matter what the circunstances are. "the wound is the place where the light enters you" Rumi Checking out.
Day 235 about to move to other city with a good friend if all goes well really happy I can finally move!!
Day 0. But back on track after a 3-day streak. Here's a website with a lot of interesting psychological material concerning various issues: https://www.verywellmind.com/mental-health-a-z-4797402
Checking in with this quote: "If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” – Thorin Oakenshield