Horny right now. Some thoughts what would stop me from relapsing right now

THINGS WHICH WILL PREVENT ME FROM RELAPSING RIGHT NOW

1. Obviously, if I had to be awake for the whole night and work on something
2. If I'd be so tired that I just want to fall asleep
3. Living with a room mate
4. No internet (would still MO though probably)
5. Night concert and party, having fun in a different way, maybe gaming all night long
6. Reading real life horror stories which will make me shit my pants (check out my thread about Disgusting album covers, I couldn't sleep yesterday because of something specific...)
   
7. Being ill, feeling unwell

THINGS WHICH WILL DEFINITELY MAKE ME RELAPSE RIGHT NOW

1. Boredom, nothing to do, unproductive screen time
   
2. Checking out subreddits which are only about "talking about your fetish"
3. Thinking about my female friends as I find them all attractive
4. Actually spending too much time here on this forum and reading about other user's sexual problems
5. Indulging in existential thoughts, about "how lonely I feel in life"
6. Thinking about how wearing female clothes must feel like
7. Thinking about how PMO is the only exciting thing in my life (it's only because I choose to be it so)
8. Thinking about others having sex, while I am not

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I think my biggest trigger is basically boredom. It is the main trigger for my urges, for feeling depressed, for feeling lonely. I could never feel those emotions if I were either busy or so exhausted that I'd be about to fall asleep. But because I'm bored, I let in various bad thoughts, and I end up being very desperate.

Problem is that right now, I don't really have anything to spend my time on. So I'm faced with boredom. When I will start studying again in October, I'm gonna have some work to do, so I can definitely "exploit" this somehow. But right now, there's nothing I can do. I mean, what could I? I don't have a car, the next city is miles away. I can only be on the internet, or watch TV.

I mean, to make a very easy example: In which scenario would you be more likely to get depressed? On a party at the beach with cool people, cool music and tasty food? Or alone in your room?

What are your triggers for urges? What are the things which would prevent you from relapsing?

 

Horny again, I think being curious in general is also something which can make me relapse.

I'm curious about a lot of things, like

Spoiler: Trigger

how a naked woman feels like sitting on you, how PIV feels like, how a woman's feet in nylon pantyhose after a whole day must smell like, how a FJ feels like, how a BJ feels like, how sex toys feel like, and of course how boobies and ass feel like. It's not only that, but also being curious about new porn "updates". What new has been posted in the r/nylonsoles subreddit? What other porn videos would I be able to find, if I go on other porn sites?

If I wouldn't be curious in the first place, I wouldn't even think about all of that

Just like I'm not curious how Ecstasy feels like. Just like I'm not curious how insects taste like. Just like I'm not curious how certain gore videos and pics look like uncensored.

I've heard once that curiosity is the devil's playground, and I see why.

But I don't really know how not to be curious at all. You can't be not curious about anything, this kind of sounds like being depressed.

Maybe should I only be curious about things I could do right now? And not only think about them? Kind of like "What's the matter about being curious about something you won't be able to do right now?"

Spoiler: Trigger

it could work, because right now I can only imagine how women's nylon feet must smell like, how their ass and boobs must feel like etc. I can't "do" them right now. About the porn curiosity: It's still that kind of "i got to see something I won't experience", so why bothering?

I remember, many years ago, reading a good advice on the NoFap subreddit: Checking other women out is pointless, because you won't get to have sex with them anyway. So why tormenting yourself with fantasies and pictures in your head which will never be fulfilled in the first place? Now apply this to all the women in porn, and you'll see that you're actually just tormenting yourself.

It's kind of like in Allen Carr's book: You think nicotine will give you satisfaction, but it causes the dissatisfaction actually, and you keep tormenting yourself by dissatisfying yourself all the time. And that can be applied here to those women in porn and in your head: You're just tormenting yourself, you won't get them anyway! With cigarettes: You're just tormenting yourself, you will never get the ultimate satisfaction!

You're just tormenting yourself, you won't get them anyway!

This should not sound discouraging, because this does not apply to women you're dating! It's just about all those porn women and the women you meet on the street but you don't plan on asking them out. It's like watching Nicado Avocado or how on Earth his name is, while you're fasting! You're being the idiot here which voluntarily is tormenting yourself by watching things you won't have. That's the perfect recipe for being unhappy. Just like people getting depressed because some celebrity is in Dubai, and you're not.

Just keep them away and be happy, you won't give a fuck about anything

 

I wish it would be so easy to distract myself. If I read a book, watch a movie, or even pray, the horny thoughts will get louder and louder, until they are basically "screaming" in my head, making my heart beat up to 120.

It's I think because I don't use my mind actively if I read a book, watch a movie or pray. I simply need things where I actively think and use my mind

Spoiler: Trigger

I also would imagine being a woman (and being dressed in feminine cloths) while I'm reading a book, or watch a TV show (which is not "typically feminine or unisex" like let's say South Park, I've never met one girl who likes South Park but lots of guys who like it) or even pray (like imagining being a nun or devout virgin). This would also trigger me greatly during those activities, because my mind would make these activities "sexy". But when I study or play a difficult video game, I imagine myself as Sheldon Cooper or a real life physicist, so there's no trigger

 

I think you're missing the point here. I personally have a strong cross dressing fetish. And when I'm horny, as I said in that "Trigger" section, I simply imagine myself being a woman when I try to read something. It's just something I have simultaneously on my mind.

But when I study, or play a (difficult!) video game, I imagine myself as Sheldon Cooper and such, and this is helping me again.

 

For me, it will never work because I already watch porn via VPN or even TOR because I'm too paranoid of my parents finding out that I'm watching porn (and that it's foot fetish and cross dressing porn).

I would have to eliminate the internet all together, but that's impossible. And even if, I would simply MO.

I think the better way here is to change our mentality. That it's pointless to fap to those porn stars. That it's pointless to fantasize about someone you know. You won't get all of those anyway. So why are you tormenting yourself?

You could theoretically apply this for cross dressing, too. I will never cross dress, so why thinking about that?

 

I think I see a pattern here. I'm always getting horny at night. Then I start thinking about the porn stars I've fapped to, my female friends I find attractive.

Ok, it's pointless to think about them, I won't get them anyway.

But you could dress yourself as a woman, pretend to be one?

It's not gonna happen, because there is no way how I could live it out without others finding out about it sooner or later. "Why is your leg hair shaven?" for example. They know I don't give a fuck about personal hygiene, so why out of a sudden should I shave my leg hair? I also can't shave my pubic hair, as I did it once and it was just so fucking painful.

So maybe I'm gonna buy a sex doll, or used stinky socks online?

Again, where should I hide a sex doll or just about any sex toys? What if a friend of family member suddenly arrives at my apartment, where should I hide it? Is it worth not enjoying your time together because you're afraid that they might find a fleshlight, or silicone ass and feet?

Stinky socks: How will I explain the female socks? What if I can't buy them anonymously? What if actually it's a guy who's been wearing those socks?

So maybe I'm just gonna buy a session?

What if I get robbed? What if I get a STD? What if I will get caught, as it's illegal here where I live? And also: Isn't it better to spend it on a new game, or a good cigar, or something actually useful and fun? The same goes for those socks and sex toys.

It's not going to happen. Nothing sexually will happen.

To be honest, I'm just lying to myself. I just definitely know that I'm never gonna fuck these porn stars, nor my female friends which I find attractive, or random women I see on the street which I find attractive. And here, it makes sense to stop thinking about them, as it's a form of self-torture.

But what about auto-sexually? It can theoretically happen, practically it rather will never happen though.

I need a stronger argument here somehow

But which one?

Maybe, because it's like a smoker trying to stop smoking by switching to alternatives: You are still craving for the real thing. You kind of get a satisfaction, but you feel like "meh, a cigarette would be better". Maybe it's kind of like someone who's on a diet: Instead of fries, you eat carrot sticks with hummus instead of ketchup/mayo. But you still will feel pissed off because you can't have "the real thing".

And this can maybe be applied to everything above

I will cross dress -> I will still be pissed off, because I can't have a real woman

I will use sex toys -> I will still be pissed off, because I can't have a real woman. I will also be pissed off, because I can't have fun with those sex toys together with another woman.

I will buy stinky socks online -> I will still be pissed off, because I have to buy them, instead of just asking my gf to give them to me. Also, there will be no "personal connection". This is something only smell fetishists would understand, but there is something special about smelling the underwear/socks/... of your gf vs. smelling the underwear/socks/... of a random person on the internet, which theoretically can have very bad hygiene or even be a guy

I will go see a prostitute -> I will still be pissed off that I have to pay for sex, whereas with a gf, it would be free. Also, sex+love is better than sex, so another good reason to still feel pissed off.

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Summary: I will not think about those porn stars, female friends I know, women I see on the street and find attractive, because it's pointless, I will never get them anyway. I'm just tormenting myself, so I will not fantasize about them. There is also no need to think about the sexual things I could do on my own or with the use of money, because they will just leave me more frustrated than before, because I'm gonna be "more hungry for the real deal".

As you see, I try my best to "replicate" Allen Carr's approach to quit smoking. Just like stopping smoking is not a sacrifice, stopping to FPMO (fantasize-porn-masturbation-orgasm) is no sacrifice. Both are just the way to stop your self-torture, there is nothing to give up, and a lot to gain.

 

"You will never get those porn stars, female friends or random women on the street. That's clear. But that's why you PMO, right? So how can you use this as an argument not to PMO?"

That's a thought I had today, and maybe some of you had this thought too. But the answer is still simple: PMOing to something you cannot get is just tormenting yourself.

PMOing to something you cannot get is also a constant reminder that... you don't have "this".

So stop torturing yourself, by fapping to something you cannot get. This is just stupid. PMO is a form of self-torture. It's like extreme BDSM in a kind of way: You see blood, infections, broken brones, but you still "enjoy" it because that's how you've been conditioned to think about it.

I don't need to grow my frustration more by fapping to someone I will never get.

You can also tell that to a starving child in the poorest country in the world: You will never get to eat a 500$ hamburger with golden Belgian fries, so that's why you must think about it all the time. What kind of bullshit is this would you say?

It's analogically the same as You will never get those porn stars, female friends or random women on the street, so that's why you must PMO to that.

To say such kind of thing to a starving child, is just to encourage themselves to torture themselves mentally, by thinking about luxurious food they will never eat or see in their life (unfortunately).

(I know, this is a very extreme example and analogy, but I can't think of a better one right now)

Isn't it better to say to that child "Don't worry about those things at all"?

Summary: We humans are generally not satisfied with the mere thought of something. So if I think about those porn stars, female friends and strange women on the street which I find attractive, I know that I will never get them (as I don't plan to actively date any of them). So fantasizing about them, fapping to them, is just torturing myself. Because it reminds me of something I don't have and will never have. The only thing which FPMOing is doing is to increase my envy. Basically that "argument for PMOing" I've stated does not think about the consequences of that action, which is the self-torture and increase in envy and frustration. That argument if perfectly true, we all PMO because we can't have the "real deal", but we shouldn't do it because in the end we're actively making ourselves more unhappy with our lives.

I will not think about those porn stars, female friends I know, women I see on the street and find attractive, because it's pointless, I will never get them anyway. I'm just tormenting myself. The only thing it would be doing is to increase my envy and frustration, so I will not fantasize about them.

There is also no need to think about the sexual things I could do on my own or with the use of money, because they will just leave me more frustrated than before, because I'm gonna be "more hungry for the real deal".

 

"But, but, theoretically, you don't know if you will "never get them" unless you won't try?"

Of course it's true. I could ask a female friend of mine out and see if she'd be interested.

But we should be leading our lives rationally. Now, at this stage of my life, dating is out of question for example. And I definitely am not interested to have a relationship with my female friends right now, as I just find them sexually attractive, but I also find like 90% of all women sexually attractive.

Answer: Only because you find someone sexually attractive, this does not mean you should ask her out. And you should definitely never ask someone out, if you only find her sexually attractive. Also, it also depends at which stage in life you are right now, if it makes any sense to ask anyone out in the first place.

 

There is no purpose to think about something which will leave you more frustrated

Some might say, "You can still fantasize about cross dressing?"

Answer: As pointed out, actually living this fantasy out and cross dressing would leave me more frustrated, because I'd be more hungry for "the real deal".

So why should I think about something, which will leave me more frustrated?

Why should I idolize such a situation?

Fapping to this fantasy of me cross dressing will just leave me more frustrated that I'm actually not cross dressing in the moment.

Actually cross dressing and then fapping would leave me more frustrated because I don't have a real woman here, as I have to dress as one.

Having paid for a dominatrix or prostitute and having sex will leave me more frustrated, because what I ultimately want is sex with someone who I love

I'm never going to be satisfied. I will always feel more frustrated than before I've begun.

Anyone who doesn't see this is either in denial, or time has to pass in order to have him recognize this. Of course I can feel satisfied for a few days right after I've visited a prostitute. But then, I get second thoughts and will feel more frustrated than before.

 

"I know that it's obvious that you'll never get these women. But what if you're not meant to get these women? What if your goal is to fap to those women? What if your goal is to live like a sissy? What if your goal is to please your mistress?"

That's another thought I had today

Basically this thought says that maybe I could get satisfaction from the very fact that I will never get these women. Kind of like "I will never get that woman, so I'm gonna have to cross dress and be a sissy". Or "I will never get any women, so I'm gonna have to please my mistress and s1mp".

That's just a trap, an illusion your mind is creating for you, to be apparently content with dissatisfaction. It's like BDSM, it's brain washing (here, you brain wash yourself to associate extreme pain with sexual pleasure).

What you're doing here is to suppress your dissatisfaction. This will sooner or later come out, either in terms of low self esteem or other things.

Why should you condition yourself to be satisfied with something you're actually not satisfied with? This goes against your very own persona. This is like telling yourself to be happy about a C-, whereas you could get an A theoretically. It's the same as telling yourself: "I'm not smart enough to get an A, my goal is to be happy with a C-". You see how dumb that statement is? It's the same as saying "I will never get these women, my goal is to be happy with fapping to them".

Summary

I will not think about those porn stars, female friends I know, women I see on the street and find attractive, because it's pointless, I will never get them anyway. I'm just tormenting myself. The only thing it would be doing is to increase my envy and frustration, so I will not fantasize about them.

There is also no need to think about the sexual things I could do on my own or with the use of money, because they will just leave me more frustrated than before, because I'm gonna be "more hungry for the real deal".

I don't allow myself to be content with just fapping to those women, or similar activities, because it would be brainwashing myself to feel satisfied about something I actually don't feel satisfied about.

 

I'm gonna post here thoughts the "evil voice in our heads" could tell us to rationalize why we should continue to PMO. And then I'm gonna destroy those thoughts with rational arguments. This is also in Allen Carr's book. He lists ALL of the excuses for smokers to keep smoking, and destroys them with rational arguments So, when the smoker finishes the book, he will simply have no good reason to continue smoking. And I hope, we will also have no good reason to continue to PMO

 

"PMOing feels so good, why should you try to stop doing something which feels good and relaxes you?"

No, PMO does not relax you! Let's say you're stressed about having to travel somewhere the next morning. So you decide to relax the night before and to PMO. Your PMO session lasts for let's say 1.5 hours, you came 3 times, watched multiple porn videos, even used several sex toys and other equipment. A perfect session you would say? Wrong. Now, after your PMO session, after you've cleaned up your mess and deleted your browser history, you lay in your bed. Look at the clock. It's 2:57 am. You will have to wake up in 2 hours before your long trip. You see, that you're still stressed about it.

What does it mean? PMO is just a temporary distraction. True relaxation is when you absolutely don't feel any stress about something anymore. Once you get post-nut clarity, you will feel the stress again.

Does PMOing feel good? Of course, that's why we've been doing it. But only because it feels good, this does not mean we should do it. Heroin also feels good, but we're not doing heroin.

But PMOing is not like heroin

That's also true. But as I said: PMOing will leave you more frustrated than before. It may feel good in the act of doing it, but afterwards you will feel more frustrated sexually. So as I said, there is no point in doing something which leaves you more frustrated than before. It's just stupid.

I think everyone can relate to this cycle:

I find someone sexually attractive -> I fap to her -> I get frustrated because I couldn't have a sexual experience with that person in real life -> I fap to keep that frustration at bay -> My frustration is even bigger -> So I might think "more extreme porn will keep my frustration more at bay" -> I fap to more extreme porn -> My frustration is even more bigger -> etc.

We get frustrated in the first place because PMOing feels so good. We think "If I only could have a real sexual experience with that person i"ve just fapped to", because then the pleasure would be much higher.

So yes, PMO feels good, and that's why it's dangerous, as that "feeling good" is feeding our post-nut frustration.

 

The post above can also be used for those who want to escape from real life by being a sub in a Femdom dungeon.

"Real life is way too hard, so being temporarily a sissy or sub for a mistress will be a freeing experience"

You do realize that you could just watch a movie or play a video game instead?

In general, this statement is a very stupid one. Here, we are refusing to deal with our problems, but to try to escape from them. Escaping from problems is useless, because the problems will still be waiting for you. It's like to say

"The test will be so hard, so going out right now partying all night will be a freeing experience"

No, what you gotta do is to study for the test as best as you can. The same with life: You need to face your problems and difficulties in life, because if you'd like to escape from them by putting on an alter ego role and living a second life, those problems will get back to you at some point again. What's the use of being a sissy or a sub for the weekend, if you will get stressed and overwhelmed by your job and life during the week? Isn't it better to actually do something to not feel stressed and overwhelmed anymore?

PMO, being a sissy, being a sub, all of these are no coping mechanisms as they only postpone your stress in life!

You need to realize this, you will still feel the stress of life, you will still feel overwhelmed, you will still have problems in life. You just postpone them by some time, as you take your weekend or one night free for your "second life".

If you truly don't want stress in your life, learn to deal with it directly.