The Lord of the Rings Challenge

16 days

 

Check in day 50

 

Guys again a relapse after loke 14 days,,, but this time I completely destroyed myself.... done 6 times in one day first time in my life with soft porn. I haveone concern (may be disgusting but pls I need answer) after like 4th relapse, the smell of the liquid changed and it gave me a vomiting feeling and after 6th one, It was a smell I never felt before, vomit got triggered after it gone to my nose, pls help I think I harmed myself, I am very scared, I promise I am changing now

 

Day 7 checking in

 

Day 7? One week in whoo hoo.

 

4 days – A brave friend, Tom Bombadil, takes notice of your quest. He teaches you a rhyme to summon him if you fall into danger within his borders.

Quest Aid – Song of Bombadil

@Paul S. I think I'm gonna switch to green tea as well. Better than coffee...

@Anas778 huge congratulations! You're reached a big number, very well done

@daddyG1981 @sonic123rainbow congratulations for reaching a week! I hope I can catch up with you soon

 

Day 16

 

Day 1
Very strong urges, but I was victorious with each and every one. I know that I am gonna have urges till 7 day mark. But as I am experienced, I know how to tackle those.

 

Day 20.

It seems that my determination is tested. Wet dream last night. After that I am in chaser effect. I will not lie, I want to pmo very much. I am not only tempted to pmo once, but to go back to old ways - I don't know for how long, but probably until I am satisfied and sorry for my behavior.

So far, I am still holding. After wet dream I woke up one time and wanted to end the streak, but just tried to deflect the fantasies to the extent I could. Then the other waking up. And then I woke up before alarm clock. Just a messy night. Maybe I ate dark chocolate too late yesterday. I have to be careful with such stuff. I have to be careful with lots of stuff now.

Yesterday I was happy that i don't want to shut down blockers, but today I am tempted to do that. Things change.

I have no idea what does this message mean. Probably just complaining and trying to find connection with my determination, so that relapse, which is very likely, wouldn't be that likely.

Spoiler: Journey stuff

Hard mode + no shutting blockers down - day 20.
No coffee - day 20.

 

Yeah. Green tea is not as fun, but it's something. Also, I hear it's healthier. Antioxidants and stuff.

 

Day 14 no PMO

 

Day 210

 

Checking in Fellowship Friends!

134 Days Free of PMO.

Got to check in earlier today, quick check in though as I have quite a few things to do.

Stay Strong!

 

Day 23

Urges: 3/5
Thoughts: 3/5

Still having it pretty bad today, which has been making me think about the past few days, it's reminding me that this is pretty much what happened the last time I attempted the 30 day challenge; I managed to complete it before almost instantly losing it and rubberbanding back to my old habits, hard. If history is indeed going to repeat itself, then I've got a hard week ahead of me. Pray for me.

 

Day 49
Things didn't go pretty well last time when I was forcing myself to become great by the end of 2022.I also ended doing bad in my exams .

So in the next coming days my focus will be to achieve small targets.
20min exercise
2hrs study
and I intend to complete my driving course in the next 30 days itself .

Also it is important for me to maintain my sleep cycle (11-5 --6hrs of quality sleep)

I will soon move to a schedule based system but in order to make sure I get certain things done quickly this would be the best plan .

 

Day 20. II.

Did one task, so I am not completely hopeless. But felt all slow and sleepy doing that. So, went for a nap after. But it didn't help much. I am still feeling sluggish and avoidant. Avoidance won't do my tasks. Just saying.

After nap spent 3 hours just sitting and analysing the stuff we talked with psychologist yesterday. Not on purpose. It seems it affected me. I don't know if it's good or bad. But I want to understand how should I live my life.

Spoiler: Journey stuff

Hard mode + no shutting blockers down - day 20.
No coffee - day 20.

 

I have not posted on here in awhile. I guess I got tired of posting about my relapses. I am at 1 day. I think I finally did the first step yesterday after all these years. I came to realise that I am powerless over this. I have known it conciously for years and I guess I never fully understood. I am powerless over this. I guess I need work on step 2. Come to believe that God can and wants to do this for me. He wants me to be sober and wants to help but I need to believe it and I need to get out of His way so he can do it for me. After every fall I strategize and frantically try and figure out what I need to do. This causes a lot of stress. Perhaps I just need to surrender. Maybe I need to stop trying to control it. It sounds counter intuitive but I think I need to stop fighting and let God do it. My way of fighting and strategizing has not worked. I put up the white flag. I can't do this. I need His help. It seams to be working. Jesus, I trust in you.

 

Day 0

 

3 days
Stay at work late yesterday, some issues were in the place, so stayed late to check them.
Today I didn't worked out but tomorrow I'll do it. Some urges today but managed them doing other stuffs.
Keep strong my brothers.

 

Driving lesson done