Its time to finally take this problem down.

Well, the time has finally come to take this problem head on. I got into sissy porn and hypnosis videos about a year ago and I cant do this anymore, I feel confused about almost every erotic thought I have, I cant tell if its my brain or the porn thats talking. Even during sex with my girlfriend, sometimes I can hear voices telling me to do gay things and I cant focus on what Im actually doing.

Its not that I have a problem with the idea of being gay, Ive truly just never found men attractive until I started viewing this disturbing content, and even still its just dicks, nothing to actually do with men. I want it to stop. I cant sleep anymore without thinking of the images that seem to be burned into my head, and I cant focus on important tasks that Im supposed to do day to day. I want this to stop, and after a few attempts to reboot, Im realizing I cant do this on my own. I dont want to tell my girlfriend that Im struggling with such screwed up porn because I dont think she will ever understand, but this reboot still needs to happen because im finding my lack of focus is starting to make me apathetic towards everyone in my life.

Its just incredible how fast the stuff pulls you in without realizing it. All it took was two or three views to worm its way into my thoughts and before i knew it, the songs the videos played in the background were burned into my head, the images and words across the screen feel like theyre stamped into my skull and I want them gone. Its destroying my sexuality and I feel confused about things that seemed so simple before.

Anyways, Ive got alot to write about, so ill just leave it at this little bit for now. Im just looking for some support, inspiration, or hope to get through this reboot, I want to rid myself of masturbation and porn for good this time.

 

Its early, so just attack it like you are doing. You belong here and you are not alone. Be brave, be persistent.

 

Not very good man, I relapsed twice this week. Once when I wrote my thread "Triggered", and another time just yesterday, where I got anxious about a performance I had coming up. It obviously didnt help at all.

My goal is seeable, I do want to truly challenge myself to a full year without P and M, so I started by getting rid of stuff around my house thats triggering, and I cleared my history so that I wont be able to follow any links.

Honestly, I really need to somehow stay strong long enough until I forget about P and M as options in my life.