Post published by Gratefulforchange

Hi everyone! Thought I would check in. First, I love this site! It is the perfect place to get a hit of recovery or something positive all day long. Instead of looking at stuff that would be bottom line behavior, I can log on, read good stuff and even share if I am moved. What a Blessing!
Today, is day five no PMO. Feeling relatively OK. I notice I’m in between asking God for help every time and white knuckling. I know from experience that white knuckling is a losing battle. So my intention to starve the disease is good, but without asking for help every time I am half-assing it. But I am giving myself a break. I haven’t given recovery from PMO a shot in a few years. I know what’s possible but I am nervous about the whole thing.
Today I want to remember the basics. My disease is mental, physical, and spiritual. The mental aspect of my porn addiction is obsession. Once I start thinking I can’t stop. The physical aspect of my disease is compulsion. Once I start viewing/clicking I can’t stop. The spiritual aspect of my disease is my self-centeredness. My self-centeredness says that I don’t need help, that I can manage this on my own. History shows that to be inaccurate! LOL
So the basics for me today is remembering not to stop, but to not let it get started to begin with. I always like the analogy of a car on a steep driveway. My sponsor used to say, if you were standing 1 foot behind the car and it started to roll downhill, u would stop it right away. Before it really started rolling. But if you didn’t try to stop it until the bottom of the driveway, you would probably get flattened! Addiction is the same thing especially porn or lust. I can’t entertain it for a second and that’s the hard part. I want to give myself a little drink every now and then.
Anyway, really doing OK today. Grateful to be able to just check in, and read other peoples stuff. I will keep coming back