- Feb 28, 2005 (Age: 18)
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Fapstronaut, Male, 18, from Hungary
- bdaw213 was last seen:
- Nov 20, 2023
- Feb 28, 2005 (Age: 18)
I started PMO-ing when I was 11 years old, I already started out with fetishes at that age and haven't stopped until this year june. I'm 17 years old, so I've been on porn for 6 years in total PMO'd about 4-5 times on a day.
My relationship with porn was always excusable for me, I always felt tired, unconfident,nervous, anxious and had brain fog, but I always ignored it. At that age, I didn't give it a single thought that porn would ever be a problem in my life. I would always come home and despite being sad, I just either said to myself. "Wow, I had an okay day." Or "Today was so bad" but I kept playing videogames, and PMO'd. I never did anything or tried to do anything about having problems with my mental health and these addi, I was not in touch with these emotions or pain that I had in real life at that time and I would just return to my fantasies when I got home.
Anxiety had always been a big part of my life until recently when I was doing PMO very often. I was very depressed and the only reason I would have long streaks, even when I wasn't doing nofap because I was super depressed, and I heard that when someone is very stressed their testosterone can get to very low levels, which is why they have no or very little urges.
At one time, by accident I had a 1 month streak without even realizing it, and I realized that watching long videos (4 hour long videos) weren't boring for my overstimulated brain, I watched it through, and didn't feel any urges to keep going, my mind was clear,
I wasn't so short-fused, but these benefits stayed for so long since I didn't stay away from porn on purpose and returned to it.
When I first heard of nofap, I thought of it and "tried it" but really when you make a small decision in your brain like just "trying" it and not committing to it entirely, you're just going to try and say no to something in your mind that you actually want really bad. Which is why a lot of people still relapse to this day, when a part of you still wants something your brain will always try to rationalize a reason to do it.
I had 1-2 week streaks maybe a full month, and I read the benefits about it on the internet, but at that time I thought it was simply not worth the struggle. That simply, killing my urges by PMO'ing would fix my depression, anxiety, and emotional struggles but these were only temporary.
One time I had gotten to a really low point, I was super depressed and had no libido. And I got a streak of 2 weeks, which was already rare for me. I was in a summer camp at this time, not home alone, playing videogames, and when I was in this social environment my brain had to focus on making human connections, and not daydream about different stuff. I was super communicative, social compared to when I was PMO-ing I have never seen myself have before. the last day at that camp in the shower I realized that I wasn't PMO-ing for almost 2 weeks and I had MO-d in the shower. Right after that I got tired, depressed, and anxious, whilst having brain fog, again.
After the summer camp I got 2.5 month of summer break, and I relapsed 2-3 times more. I was depressed, short-fused, and had anxiety so bad that when I got out I felt like everyone was judging me. So I realized after experiencing myself that NoFap is real.
I was motivated to change myself, as I wanted to be confident and I looked up books on the internet, something that I have never done so far. As I was never interested in books. Having ADHD growing up I was always lenient towards videogames and had a a different taste towards entertainment and obviously I wasn't getting that dopamine hit when reading so I just never read.
Obviously not all books are good for everyone, but the ones that are worth your time, or something you're interested in you need to give it a shot, no matter how boring or slow you might find it at the start.
I looked up on Zlibrary and found this book called, How to quit porn, by Celibate Yogi. and I don't know if I mentioned this but this book was 100% free, no sign ups no bank informations, I had downloaded this book for free. I didn't pay or sign up to services where you have to pay for anything. I had also seen youtube nofap videos where they had a link in the comments and that link lead to a video where a guy just kept talking for 40 minutes, and kept saying you'll get a deal if you just watch this till the end. He called it the "HRT" method that he apparently learned from a professor or something, and the only advice he said from that video is to cut back from porn the same way as if you were addicted to let's say coca cola. So if you were addicted to a soda, just drink sugary water, and then normal water, which is I think is not the worst advice, but it definitely doesn't work for addicts or people struggling to quit porn.
He said at the end, just pay 20$ for this cool course and you'll be cured.
I downloaded this book for free, read it carefully, wrote down notes, as I have ADHD and reading for longer periods make me tired.
I read a lot of interesting stuff in the book like the fact that in the 1960's doctors told patients to smoke cigarettes to cure their inflammation, diarrhea. etc. because back then cigarettes weren't known as something harmful, but today people have realized that cigarettes and cancer are co-related and people are now quitting smoking.
Same way can go for PMO-ing, the medical industry is making a lot of money off of testosterone medication and other vitamins because of people's porn addiction.
The book just tells you how everything in our reasoning drives us to relapse. Like we relapse "because we're bored", and then he explains how just because you're bored and choose to relapse for this reason to be excited, you're just going to increase the likelihood that you're going to need a bigger high of dopamine to get the same excitement, making you more bored.
Or depression, relapsing doesn't help depression, it causes it. When you feel stressed, depressed or irritated, it’s because your brain is triggering the fail safe mechanisms to protect the nervous system from excessive dopamine flooding through trimming receptors. The user also develops other neurological changes that keep them in the rut.
It’s porn that flooded your brain so much that your brain had to step in to cull the receptors. Once again, porn is the culprit! Porn does not relieve depression and irritability, it causes the imbalance in your brain in the first place!
I can go on longer about these important points but I'd like to highlight a few important ones, now I'm not placing these ahead of everything in the book, I think every line in this book is very worth to read. The book itself takes an hour to read if you don't have ADHD like me, I took notes and read it carefully within a day, as I was distracted by youtube but I still read it.
So the final few points that I'd like to say is that using willpower to just "kill your urges" is stupid, because if you want something, and you don't know the reasons why you're trying to avoid it, because porn causes restlessness, depression, stress. A part of your self is going to rationalize reasons why to relapse, because you've forgotten why you're quitting porn and when you want something and try to lock it away you will still do it. That's why it's important to read this book and know the reasons why porn is bad for you, you gain nothing from PMO-ing and you only worsen your health, virility and mental health.
The other point is distractions.
Do not try to distract yourself with videogames, cold showers, or exercise although these are all good for you just to escape your thoughts to relapse. You need to face your thoughts and reasoning why you want to relapse and say no to it. If a part of you still wants to relapse you need to remember why you want to quit in the first place.
I'd like to also mention that porn doesn't cause anxiety, depression and tiredness by magic, your semen first of all contains a lot of important nutrients that your physical body would be very happy to use or your brain as well. You gain mental clarity, happines and physical gains as well when you do nofap. If you waste your semen, you waste zinc, and other important vitamins that can cause acne, and like I said anxiety, negative thoughts, all because of porn.
Now here's my attempt to actually doing nofap,
After reading this book, I was able to get from june 25 to september 12, 74 days, and yes I had to re-experience these negative feelings that comes with relapsing but after a relapse I re-read this book, and after reading it I just scan through the important parts and know why doing porn only does bad things for me. I of course had plenty of wet dreams, but I was very clear mentally, I started taking care of myself, buying new clothes, and I was getting better at boxing, I started the sport 6-7 months ago but I only started to get better on a steady level upwards as I took on nofap.
I got a lot of physical benefits from nofap but I had to be very patient with the flatline part as well, during the flatline phase I was mainly at home playing videogames and watching youtube which was bad because in this stage the brain is trying to rehabilitate and get back to normal by lowering your dopamine levels.
Then I relapsed again on october 31, september 12 - october 31, 49 days
And yesterday I MO'd on november 26, october 31 - november 26, 26 days
November 26 - january 20 55 days
Jan 20 - ongoing
I'd like to say that I gained a lot from nofap and I will still continue to do it, there's nothing to give up and everything to gain, although a few things helped me a lot:
Drinking 100% chlorine free water: This could sound weird but a lot of water you drink from plastic bottles are filled with chlorine and other chemicals to keep it clean, however this is not good for your cells, and you're not refilling them with clean water, if you drink tap water or bottled water your body takes more energy to absorb this chlorine water than what energy it actually gains from it. I recommend looking on the internet from small companies that do sell these chlorine free, hormone free, no additives, no detergents, no inorganic materials. You'll be amazed to realize just how much high quality, clean water can improve your well-being. I had much more mental clarity, energy and was generally more happier during my flatline phase as I drank from this water. I live in hungary and we buy water from this company but if you live in america do research and find a company that sells clean water.
Vitamins: I think it's important to take vitamins that gives you mental benefits, like gingko biloba, or any, like vitamin d, c these will help you function well. You won't have dry lips, etc. But zinc for example is something that obviously helps you boost your testosterone and semen quality, because a big chunk of your semen is made from zinc, but I've read from a bio student on this forum I think his username is "CTRL + DEL", you can look him up, he mentioned that yeah zinc can give you mental benefits and skin benefits but it catalyzes your testosterone levels and gives you really strong urges. So he just recommended to just let your body take zinc from normal food and don't overdo it with supplements.
Exercise: I swim and do boxing, swimming helps reduce urges, yes I know that you need to do thinking on your own part to understand your urges and say no to them with logic but if you just want to reduce any flatline symptoms or want to be happier swimming is really good because first it's cold, and you move your whole body when swimming. Boxing has also helped me a lot, not only giving me confidence but letting out my frustration on it. I really recommend this sport, as someone who didn't even know how to fight or defend myself early on. Not only people can't mess with you that easily it sharpens your mind, getting hit really makes you stronger mentally and physically. You take stress from everyday life on a much lower level. I'm not saying if you go in there and spar people will hit you hard, if you find a good coach and boxing club, people will teach you and hit you lightly and always stop if you can't take more hits, and they make sure you can learn from them.
Wim hof breathing: Wim hof breathing is really good because this is another stressor that helps you clear your mind and deal with stress better, if you look it up you'll see all the benefits but if you do it you will gain mental clarity and you will be generally happier.
cold showers: cold showers aren't just for making you uncomfortable with cold temperature, and if you do it for the first time it is going to be uncomfortable but take small steps first, get in the shower with warm water and for 30 seconds, start with your head turn it to the coldest water possible, it will shock you but over time this will help circulate blood better, keep you more alert and it obviously wakes you up.
If you would like to do these things they're not just for reducing urges or to wake you up, but it helps you stay happy long term.
If you have any questions about my experience go ahead and I'll try to answer them, like fetishes, or how I felt at a certain day, etc.
I would also like to tell you how I feel today after MO ing from yesterday.
Usually I noticed a pattern that I only need 6 hours of sleep, usually I needed to sleep 8-10 hours when I was PMO'ing hard and still wake up tired, but now after a relapse, I needed 8 hours of sleep and woke up feeling physically tired not that tired but I definitely noticed it, I wasn't feeling depressed or anxious, but I definitely feela little bit tired, I still have motivation and productivity to do things. But maybe I've been on vitamins and done enough wim hof breathing that one slip up didn't ruin my progress mentally.