Please do not sink into the hole of self-loathing. You must pull yourself up and remember that you joined NoFap for a reason and to re-examine your goals. Every person is valuable and contributes in some way or any other. Yours is a very special story that needs to be shared. It is so very important that people stop lusting and viewing another person as a pure sex object there for their sexual gratification. Society has taught us that deviant sex/porn/etc. is ok and common place now. IMHO, society is falling all around us. More and more "Taboo" things are becoming normalized in our society that was once unthinkable 100-10-1 year ago. As more of society loses its morals, people who have morals have to keep their mouths shut because of potential harassment. God, purity and grace is needed more in this society of ours now than ever!