60's man, single, who has been using porn for 30-plus years as my exclusive expression of anything sexual. It had evolved into surfing the most unsavory corners of the internet - including areas that made me hate myself and the choices I was making. I stumbled into NoFap by watching a video about porn addiction. When I read the introductory pages, I discovered precisely what was causing my discomfort, anger, self-loathing behaviors. Since I am in recovery from alcoholism (almost 40 years), I knew when I read the intro to NoFap that I had to abstain from porn. I had no idea how difficult it would be. My mind would wander frequently to the hours I spent online looking at pics, vids and live stuff. I eventually got to the point that I wasn't thinking about fapping all day, and I started to feel better. Whenever I found those thoughts in my head, I would ALWAYS wander back into the memories of those darkest, most hideous places. Tomorrow is my 90th day with no porn, no masturbating, no nothing. I didn't think it possible, since I've never gone this long without masturbating (well, not since I was about 12, anyway). Yet, here I am. I am more concerned now than I was when I started. The question for me has become, now that I'm 90 days out, what do I do? I'm CERTAIN that if I started to masturbate, I would immediately return to the memories of those places I went online. Do I just keep going? Do I try to cum without thinking of sex - as if that's possible? DO I start dating (last girlfriend was in 2004) with the hopes of getting into a sexual relationship quickly? So, since my MIND is still broken, 90 days means to me that there has been no mental reset; I'm still thinking of porn, still want to look at porn, and can't even imagine touching myself without drudging up those memories. I must believe that an actual reset has to change my thinking, not just my behavior. When a healthy reset happens, I will be in a position to date again - and not be conflicted about sex-vs-porn. Just some thoughts. Appreciate any insights.
Crispyp first of all congrats for achiving you target. You have done a great job and deserve some appreciation. In my point of view restarting porn or fapping isn't an option. Since you have completed your 90 days you may continue to go without fapping and porn in future. Honestly ask yourself what you want next in your life. If the answer is finding a g.f you must give it a try. Being in a relationship is always a good thing. Just don't get carried away in the expection of getting results too fast. I do believe you can find a good partner again with some patience. There are people like us everywhere and you will find the one who is waiting for you.
I never managed to go more than about 3 months so that is some willpower. I don't know what type of porn you're into but at the end of the day if the long streak of nofap hasn't done anything you might want to focus on the cause of the porn addiction. Behavioural addcitions are caused by anxiety and depression so you will probably be better off doing something about that.
Congrats going 90 days! Rebooting is a way to start changing your lifestyle towars a more healthy one especially in sex area.. Continue stopping P and M for life, I would advise ejaculation with moderation. It's a way of life, it's not 90days and miracle happen, you change yourself by continue being aware of yourself so you can avoid doing things (like pmo) that damage yourself. It's up to you if you want to be in a relationship with somebody, it can be helpful against pm
Could you say more about "ejaculation with moderation?" Just how does that happen (ejac. without mast.)?
Hello, Well by having sex for example ...Or with your mind (like fantasizing). By moderation I mean : sperm is what cost the most to our body to produce so by ejaculating every day you are tiring yourself to death (slowly but surely)
Same problem here. Additional factor is I’m married many decades and no sex is not an option (she’s entitled to it occasionally as a human and marital right) and you need to use your imagination and fantasies to keep Sparky at attention until you finish the act. But if visualizing my fantasies is, after so many years of porn, the same as running a porn scene through my head, how is that in any way really reducing porn dependence?
Exactly, and after 50 years of porn I don’t think I will rewire no matter how long I avoid viewing porn
If I'm not watching porn for about 3-4 days and after watching it I'm watching different porn actress I start to forget about the names and I feel like these memories of images and videos could be also forgotten, but I believe it will take a lot of to forget visuals. Our brains are really powerful and everything is possible what we need is only desire and real actions.
Great question, 90 days is a benchmark for habit-breaking; not a bench mark for brain-rewiring. @Fenix Rising has some really good articles, Ted talks and charts to help illustrate the reasons why the synapse-restructuring and pruning (that’s the removing of brain pathways/memories of a particular decision) happens at changing rates according to the age of the brain. when you are developing through puberty you prune something like 29,000 synapses per day, that number dives off a cliff after adulthood. that is to say, your body heals at a much slower rate the older you are. you may THINK it’s not improving , but the rate is change is simply very slow. Plus , there’s lots of parts of the brain that need rebooting besides simple “eye-to-dick” decisions. I love to cite the gray matter rebuilding of sex addicts takes closer to 34 weeks on average. gray matter is what gives you balance, emotional connectivity, empathy, learning to be an active listener. You have likely malnourished these functions as a result of prolonged brain abuse. That means those of us who are so heavily dependent on limbic brain for much of our functions will be irritable , anxious, indecisive, or seemingly bipolar as we wean ourselves off of misusing our primary brain functions. Overall—- 90 days is the Clichê and really just the starting point for nofappers. the age of the person does not limit their success in rewiring, it just is understandably slower to achieve. Just like recovery after an accident. The brain can heal itself if you give it rest, feed it correctly etc. Diet would be something really good to focus on in the meanwhile. Get your brain fats up (omegas 3,6,9 especially ).
