My Bf only plays video games with barely dressed women or I seen some naked and yes he likes nude anime which really creeps me out they look like 12 yr old girls with breasts .... I'm trying I'm really trying to understand and he listens to the characters speak in Japanese in lil girls voices very disturbing but maybe I'm just making a big deal cause I don't find anime boys entertaining ....
@Jen@8675309 A man may be insulated if called a pig true .... However the way I'm feeling if a guy called me slut today I would probably take it as a compliment .... a week ago not at all
You're correct, of course. There are just so few genuinely innocent men in existence. And the more men I know, the more disappointed I am in them, overall. You're right in that Classifying all of one sex in any way is mean. And, usually, also inaccurate. There are certainly 'nice' men and 'nice' women who've fallen victim to addictions. But the pigs are the ones whose whole existence has been selfish and they are unconcerned with the devastation they leave in their wake. They don't want to change. A lot of the men I've encountered fit THAT definition of pigs. I think of my husband as a recovering pig. Is that too mean? Probably.
Absolutely. If the shoe fits... EDIT: I wrote my post before I saw your sentence about your husband, lol. To be clear, I'm NOT calling your husband a pig! I was referring to those people you mentioned about being unconcerned with their actions.
I sat him down and insisted that he look at me .... I calmed down and asked him to look on my phone read a few journals of men who try to quit he responded there is a problem with these men that they have ED with real woman porn makes it work every time and ED is the problem they fear not me mine works fine he insists .... He doesn't believe these men either and they are liars that no freaking way they are giving up mo and pmo and porn feels so good it is what makes men feel good and be happy they will be back onto porn again .... I felt very uneasy because I wanted to scream I would love a man that would at least try damn it !!!! Instead I stayed calm and tried to kiss him he rolled his eyes in his head and I started to cry and I am seriously thinking of taking sleeping pills that were prescribed to me when my mother passed away .... I'm very tempted to just close the door and sleep so I don't have to see or think about it anymore ....
It is obvious to me that you still have strong feelings for that man and the fact that he is not willing to take any action about his pmo addiction just makes you furious.You should calm yourself and since you are thinking so strongly about his pmo addiction eventually you will have to decide if you are willing to stay with him even if he wont change. I am well aware that any kind of advise coming from a man who is trying to be free of pmo and only recently starting to succeed is maybe futile words in your ears but just my little advise I really hope you well
Yea, Calvin makes sense. Tough crowd here! As there is knives flying all over, I'm crawling....Yes you might have to quit the guy, because he's obviously in denial. He laughs at ED, but if he suffers from it one day, that will wake him up. He is already suffering PI-relationship 101 fail. He should listen to you and understand your suffering. The relationship is becoming toxic, About a girl. You did all you could. The rest is common story. The person denies, refuses help, doesn't see the benefits. That person's loved ones are suffering more and more. The only question for you to answer is this one: Provided he still watches porn (understanding that he's addcited) for the foreseeable future, can you stay with him without hurting yourself one way or another. That just drives me nuts that you treated him to lingerie and real sex every day. He is so blind. I can appreciate what you did. He cannot. Trust me...PMO'ing is like that movie "supersize me" where the dude eats at McD everyday. The doctor tells him how his body degenerates...its not healthy. It's to eat with moderation.
@Ikindaknew Thank you ! And you really understand me! I never ever denied him sex ever and he will admit that but it lacks it's luster when your mind and body are tired .... I think he's attracted to me but too damn lazy to do some of the work in the relationship .... I honestly have sympathy for the men on this forum who struggle everyday but in the end they will be rewarded ♡
First of all, good for you for sitting him down calmly, like an adult, trying to reason with him. Second, he is an ADDICT. Addict believe that they will die without their drug of choice. From the way he expressed himself, you can tell just how powerful porn is for him. My husband has admitted - he loved porn more than me. Now he's trying to love ME more. And it only took him 17 years. *sigh* My point is, I truly understand the heartbreak you are feeling. It is soul crushing. But girl, you've got to love yourself more than you love him. He is sick. With this addiction, he is incapable of loving you the way you DESERVE to be loved. Every human deserves to be loved without reservation and with kindness and generousity. His brain is too addicted to the dopamine rush to get much pleasure and happiness from anything else in his life. Third, flush the pills. Your mind went to them really quickly. In your darkest moments, they are too appealing to you. This pain is huge but it really DOES get better. This is one chapter in your story. Life is long. You have to stick around to find out what comes next. Someday, your current bf will just a story you tell your friends when you are comparing nightmare boyfriends. Stay strong! (((((((Hugs))))))))
A relationship is like a garden. If he's too lazy to maintain the ground and fertilize the soil, remove the weeds, trim the branches, he abandons the garden basically. Telling you that you are "making things up" doesn't do him any good. At least, men on here have the had the awakening, knowing what we do/did wrong, and open minded to learn about the cause. We're lucky. There is many alcoholics that quit when they have a cirrhosis. Many smokers that stop when they get lung cancer (or losing a loved one). Many junkies that stop when they get aids/Hep C or if they lose a friend due to an OD... For us, its often when ED hits, or when we realize the damage we've done to our significant other. There is also the young guys that will ruin their future sex life.
Very sound advice. Kudos. Drop the old pills About a Girl. Maybe you want to dress nice and go shopping, or go have fun with friends. The sick PMO'er takes you for granted. That is his second mistake after his PMO....
Stumbled across your selfie so guilty there, you seem like a very kind girl. We all struggle with relationships at one time or another in life, and it's very hard to let go of anything in life I think. Maybe this will help you a little bit: http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/krishnamurti-teachings/view-text.php?tid=405&chid=4724 Kinda helped me realize what our "love" is, and what true love kind of look like. Wish you all the best!
@WifeInTheDark * hugs * Your advice means so much to me .... I am at work and I used to want to hurry home to be with him not today I'm wearing my gym clothes under my scrubs. I took my gym bag along and I am going to work out ! A lot of the men on here use it to get themselves off the computer also some meditation I just have a hard time doing it I fall asleep lol In the meantime here is today's plan . 1. I'm not going to call or text him . 2. I will try not to be sad when he doesnt call or text me wondering if I'm still alive . 3. I will try to be more social and perhaps go out with some new friends . 4. Work on something to keep me busy while at home with him . I'm thinking of going out to eat nightly . My bf brings his food to the comp. I will try my best to get through this .... Thank you for your support !
Be the Master of your mind, make sure you're the only one in charge of influencing your own emotions. That comment surely disgusted me but is not something that requires much attention really, we addicts can be troublesome a lot of times. I'm learning to cope with that, and I'm just at the beginning.
Hello @about a girl I am sorry that your boyfriend is in denial about his addiction. Just remember you're not stuck, you have complete control over yourself and your life. You can choose your own path in life and what you will accept. Things may feel grim right now but it will get better. Good on you for writing a list of things you will do today. I do the same thing. It helps a lot to get you through the day in one piece and gives you something to focus on. I know the hurt and sadness of rejection. It really does cut deeply and damages your self esteem. Being passed up for pixels makes you question yourself. Just remember it is not about you, you are not the problem. He is chasing the dopamine rush and even if you were the hottest woman on the planet he'd still be looking for the dopamine rush the screen gives him. He is broken and, unfortunately, he doesn't see it. I hope that he wakes up and changes. In the event that he doesn't, get yourself a plan. Start to stash money, locate all your important paperwork and put in a safe place, think about what you would need if you were to part ways and get a go bag ready in case you need to leave quickly. You may not need this if he comes to his senses but if he doesn't, you'll be glad you prepared ahead. Take care x
Then there is no reason for you to stay and continue to allow him to make you miserable. Get out, get some counseling and find a good man who will treat you the way you should be treated. Are there any man out there who don't use porn at all? Yes. But there also are men out there who have used porn in the past, or who use porn occasionally now, who don't treat their partners like shit.
