good bad good bad good bad. I had these great long streaks but now I am back to square one. Everyone has the right the right to challenge my commitment. When I am doing well I forget I am a compulsive person. I feel normal then eventually I crash. but when I crash I annihilate myself. the good thing is I am able to function in society and am productive. 3 or 4 years ago I was just fapping and doing shit. now I am a functioning addict/compulsive person. So I will check in 24 hours. No PMO. I will set goals but at the moment my brain is so gone I just need to focus on 24 hours.
Nearly 24 hours. That's was easy. But when I get home I will sort out my shit. The worry is after that. So I will need to write out my day 2 goals.
ok just focus on doing another 24 hours. I can't tell if I am flat lining. I don't care just get the job done. the week end is the focus. this Sunday and next Friday. but one day at a time.
2 days done. boom pretty easy. not saying this will last. again focus on the next 24 hour is: watch morning glory. and focus on Sunday when ill be alone tired and bored. replacement behaviour could be designing on adobe photoshop.
Morning time is a hard period. Because of the old hormones kicking in. So I am checking in. 2.5 days in. Basically I'm tired and get morning glory. A recipe for poor behavior All I need to do is get up and take a shower
5 days. And it's easy but I know a tough time is ahead. On Sunday. Wish I had the answers but I just need to keep typing away here and reading and supporting others. When I'm on here I start planning out my day and reflect why I do this.
So it is the weekend. Up to now it has been easy. I enjoy my work so I am fully occupied but now comes the challenge when I am alone, tired and bored and the weekend. Fap can cure all these things in one go. I don't even want to do it but I can feel that creep of thoughts of Doing it. My stomach feels sick and it feels tough. So this is every persons challenge. I could do my house chores then go back to sleep and rest more. I guess I need a 6 hour challenge before I check in for day 6.
done my 6 hours and now another 6 hours. I did my work. I am up to date. and thats a problem. now I have no challenges and I am tired bored and all alone. my brain is also wired from going out last night. so I have to focus from 2pm till 8pm. this is breathing meditation time and house project time. a healthy focus. lets get on it.
Done. Tough but done. I need to break things up to 6 hours this weekend. I really want to achieve 7 days. The next 6 hours is hard. I'm stressed tired alone and bored. But I do feel generally positive about things. I just need to chill. Watch YouTube and pass time. I feel bad for doing that but really it's a great thing to do. Once this stressful situation comes to ahead I'll be good. It's out of my hands I just need to run the clock out.
Again I am stressed tired and bored and alone. The cocktail of all the elements are there hence why I am finding it tough. Again to get rid of the stress I just need to run the clock out. After 2pm it will be a lot easier. 5 hours and 20 mins of hard work then I can chill. I also feel guilty for not supporting others on the site. I will give myself permission not to do that till week 2 once I get my strength. Now I just need to focus on getting my strength back by tuning down the clock.
blogging my way out of this. somehow putting it online does something. 1 hour from 7 days and that feels nice but I feel tired, hungry, bored and I'm alone. the stress is way down not gone put the immediate stress has gone. I just need to get to 9pm and the week is done. again its the 6 hour chunks. weekends are hard for me. I am saturated watching youtube and organising stuff. however, for the time being thats all I can do. the next few hours I can design something and go food shopping. or cook lentils!