So im 17, im gonna turn 18 in December. I've been trying to find a girl that could potentially become my girlfriend. Before you call me some kind of ''sex-crazed maniac'' know that i am a virgin, who has never had a girlfriend, and all i want is to find a girl who understands me and will like me for who i am. There is this one girl, I went out on a date with her about almost 2 weeks ago, she is 1 year older than me, making her 18 and it's her final year in high school. She is really nice and it turned out that we had a lot of things in common, but the problem with her is that she is either the busiest person in the world or a very good deceiver. I say that because she always says she's busy and can't really meet up which sucks. As I said she has a shit ton of final exams this spring, works a job, plays classical instruments, I get that it's basically impossible to find time when you have that stacked behind you. Now here's my concern, she is just not interested in me because im 17 and she is 18, she maybe thinks that if we get together then im just gonna drag everything down because im legally not allowed to drink or stuff like that I already hated being 17 going into it, i knew this age would suck... even my dad told me ''now you just gotta hold it out for 1 more year'' i mean fuck this age, i can't do jack shit, a lot of my friends are 18 and above, they go out and drink and have a good time. I don't really think it's gonna work out with that girl that's 18, im thinking about looking for someone new, but thats also another problem, girls that go in my school and are the same age as me almost always tend to be very immature and only caring about how they present themselves on the outside rather on the inside. I seem to like girls who are in the 18-21 age range because they are more mature but i fear they wont like me because im 17
Ain't nobody is giving a fk beacause of 1 year. It might be the idea of you being younger. Some womans prefer a guy who is older. There are guys who are more mature that are 17 than guys who are 18-19. Be confident and figure out if she is just being nice or is really bussy with things
I know how you feel I also turn 18 in December. But I don't think she's not interested because of your age. The way you describe your situation sounds to me that she's just not that into you. And you can't force anyone to fall in love with you. And just know that you're amazing. If she doesn't see that, it's her loss
Dude when I was 17, I found a decent job, I was making money and I was standing on my feet. Don't ruin your 17 because you can't find girlfriend. Make the most of everything you have right now. Make yourself busy and don't think about these kind of things too much and eventually, someone will notice you and your value PS: I'm 19 and half and still I find it hard to find my love, so I just gave it up.
Shit, thanks guys I was kinda feeling like crap the day I created the thread, I've been experiencing flatline symptoms for a while now. Today I got up at 6 am, went to the gym, did some school stuff etc. Hopefully, I am starting to revert back to the awesome nofap life and leaving the flatline phase way back. Funny how it happened, yesterday i was reading some kind of thread and a guy had said that flatline is basically your brain playing tricks on you because it's trying to make you think that if you fap you'll be happy again and not feel like shit... the moment I read that I got this aha moment like i understood it completely.
Gato, take it from a 40 year old - I would love to be 17 again. Sure, I'd have to go through a lot of awkward growing up and make mistakes, but it would sure as hell beat what I did - mostly sitting on the sidelines and still making mistakes anyway. You've got the internet, which, we sort of had, but I never really had access to. The things I could have explored more fully at 17 - Heck, the things I could explore more fully NOW if I were 17. Dance music, parkour with a fit body, Qigong, every science imaginable... so many things. I get that you're in a flatline, but your 17 years old - the world is your frickin' oyster and you will be crushing it!
Another 40 year old, but female here and yes I would killl to be 17 again. You don’t know that now, because you have not seen what life has to offer, but trust me when I tell you the best is yet to come for you. We all have issues in dating. We all fee; awkward and rejected and long for companionship. It’s not just you, and it’s not just men, women too. This is life and love. Don’t chase women that are not interested. If she’s interested she will make time for you. And when you find a girl that is interested you will see what i mean. Do not focus so much on getting a girlfriend, honestly you are pretty young for that. Often we seek out others to complete ourselves, when we are not fully confident in who we are. But another person will not validate us, we can only validate ourselves. Live your life and she will come along. Do things that you enjoy, volunteer, talk openly with women, and not necessarily for sex or dating, just as friends. If you are seeking a woman to validate, you often come across as desperate or needy. Women like confidence it’s the sexiest thing ever.
Both sides (the people who wish they were 17 and the people who wish they were older) are mentally time traveling. Disatisfied with the past or longing for a better future. Which leads to the belief that this moment is lacking. I wish I did this and I wish I have that. Rather than making the most of your life right now. Comparing how it really is with your ideal of how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to be 18. I'm supposed to have this girl. You're not 18. If she was interested, then she would put more effort into being with you. This is how it is. Not how it's supposed to be, but how it really is. @Questionite You're 40 now. You have regrets about the past. Are you making the most of right now so that you don't have the same regrets 1 / 5 / 10 years from now? Make the most of what you've got, where you are, and how things really are rather than wasting time on how it's supposed to be fantasies. It's not the length of life that matters. It's the depth of how you live your life. You can't have depth if you're busy worrying about things you can't change. Learning to be grateful, enjoy, and make the most of where you are right now is a great attitude to develop. @GG2002 is right about finding someone that's interested in you. Change your relationship with rejection because you'll have to get rejected a lot before you find someone with mutual interest. It's way better than being with someone that you have to continuously convince to be with you by acting like someone that you aren't.
Yes, I am, actually. Perhaps not as hardcore as I could been, but I consider it a case of building momentum. My future path will not be without more pain, but I accept that as the price needed to pave it.
Whew, wish I were 17 again so I could tell myself to stop fapping for a single week and see the results! Even though I've had sex with a few girls and even a formal gf once, I didn't have the chance to be on a cute, innocent, typical teenage relationship when I was your age (which still makes me kinda frustrated) and I feel the women my age aren't up to something like it anymore whereas I consider it'd be wrong for me (already 24 though pleople often tell me I look a bit younger, 21-22 or so) to mess up with 17-20 yo girls as they seem to be the ones that are atracted to me the most when I can reach a week or two strike (have been there a few times but unable to go any further 'til now)
You're so right! My initial reaction when I first saw this thread was I wish I could be 17 again but your post is a reminder for us to be present. So often we reminisce/regret the past or anticipate/worry about the future but the only thing we have now is the present. We should prepare and make plans for the future but not treat it like it's the present. If we spend most of our time thinking about the future or past more than being present then we are not truly living. Meditation and mental noting is helping me to be present but it's so easy to drift from that. Find the beauty in this very moment - be present... time so quickly passes us by! - Brey Noelle
If you have self respect, then the past was necessary for you to become who you are today. If you want a better future, then live a "gee I'm glad I did" life rather than a "darn I wish I had" life. As if every thought, feeling, and action is a seed that you plant and cultivate. 1-5-10 years from now those seeds will have grown to a full garden. Will your garden be full of things you don't like or will you have a garden that you love? Most people want instant gratification. So they do things that are comfortable in the moment, but becomes very uncomfortable later on (porn addiction / escapism / unhealthy diet / neglected problems / etc). Rather than doing things that are uncomfortable in the moment, but becomes comfortable later on (developing your reality / facing your problems / learning to handle negative experiences / etc). So they look at their garden and say "how did this happen?", but it's your thoughts, feelings, and actions of today that plant the seeds of your life down the road.
I'm confronting issues in my life now, and dealing with pain (and humiliation), on the understanding that I can either continue to be unhappy, or, after pain, I might be happy. I'm usually pretty risk-averse, so wallowing in a known unhappiness was the safest options. Since undergoing NoFap, I think my perspective is changing. I'm starting to realise that taking risks, for me, is a lot easier to consider when I have few weeks of baby batter inside me.
Being risk averse and staying with the safe option is also a risk. What's comfortable now can become uncomfortable later on. Time can either promote you or expose you. Where you are now is the result of your compounding decisions over the years. The moment to act is usually scary, difficult, and uncertain. So most of the time you'll never feel like doing it. So over time you condition yourself to stay comfortable rather than becoming a person that challenges those risks despite there being no guarantees. You have to condition yourself to do the scary, difficult, and uncertain things that you know you should be doing to become the person you want to be and have the life that you want. Taking risks is also a skill. It's a pain / problem / negative experience that you have to learn to handle. To get to the pleasure / solution / positive experience. In the beginning you'll be incompetent and insecure with the skill of taking risks. It takes repeated courage to attain competence and repeated competence to attain confidence. Then the repeated confidence leads to more courage of taking risks. Because you eventually start to gain the pleasure / solution / positive experiences out of taking risks and you'll see that it's beneficial to your life. So it's still scary, difficult, and uncertain, but you're more inclined to take risks because of your experiences of being rewarded for doing it. The more risks you take, the more you'll fail and experience negative experiences, but also the more you'll succeed and experience positive experiences. The less risks you take, the less you'll fail and experience negative experiences, but also the less you'll succeed and experience positive experiences. You could also indulge in porn where you gain lower quality positive experiences, but you also risk creating a life of addiction problems and an unsatisfying reality.
So what I'm trying to say is... it's never going to be easy to take the risks required to create the person you want to be and have the life that you want. So don't wait around waiting for an easy risk to appear. An easy risk was indulging in porn and creating future problems rather than taking on scary / difficult / uncertain risks that would create future solutions.
