What is the value of the will in overcoming a nasty vice? I find addiction to be a scapegoat term but I have compassion for those struggling with it. People are still not sure exactly what constitutes addiction. I for one do not care to wait around for a final verdict on what addiction is and what the best way to recover is. In comes willpower and self-discipline. If one harnessed these two qualities alone acting out would become impossible I say. Impossible. A lack of either one (and how similar they are) will result in becoming part of the "slipper's club" in which resetting becomes not only a habit but an expected part of life. Please share books, ideas, experiences, and other things you may want to discuss that will aid us in becoming iron-willed beings of stern discipline. Discipline is painful in the beginning. I feel it gets more rewarding the longer it is adhered to until one becomes a disciplined being of unyielding will.
This has helped me in times of need. When I feel the urge to relapse, I just go with someone in my house and stay with them. If I'm alone at home, I just force myself to do some stuff or go out. And even if nothing of that works and the urge is still there I start thinking how far I've come (16 days do not seem much but, believe me, for me they are) and how great things are going to be when I am able to go through the 30 days mark and beyond, and then I go take a cold shower if I can if not I just ask for a cold glass of water, soda, or beer, or whatever and start telling myself stories inside my head.
ime, the problem with will-power, is that it's fluid. Somedays my will-power is high and I'm motivated alot. Other days, or maybe a time in a day, the will-power may be low. Because of low-blood sugar or whatever. Will-power is also trainable, ime.
I think they are not only things you need just read this book. https://www.google.co.in/url?sa=t&s...Vaw2JRBJEhTd_gS7YXBET4MM3&cshid=1535941080406
This is a good recommendation: http://www.nofapacademy.com/downloads/Brain-Hacks.pdf go skim over this. hope it's useful for you.
stoicism is the way to go: start with William Irvine or another 'overview' book and then Epictetus and Seneca I started with the same idea: self discipline is the answer for me. thats it. but as i progressed on that road i started to realise how painfully simplistic that view is. trying to tame yourself. how very 'christian' it is. Ok, i need self discipline but i also need to be in tune with my feelings and emotions. You can't really be self-disciplined if you don't know what is going on. And the mind is very good in making stuff up. Getting the truth is a quest of a life time.
It's easy to do the proper habits when you're motivated and you have will power, but those things run out some days. People like to rely on "good days" which is pretty much equated to luck. What people should really be developing is being able to stick with the proper habits when motivation and will power runs out. When you don't feel like it. When you're having a bad day. If you're really pushing beyond your comfort zone and attempting something that might not work (something you're currently insecure and incompetent at), then the moment to act is most likely scary, uncertain, and difficult. You're not going to feel like it. Motivational videos and quotes aren't going to help you be ready for those moments. It's not going to feel like a good or lucky day when you're about to take that leap. Practice doing things when you don't feel like it. Practice doing things before you're ready. When you're scared, uncertain, and challenged beyond your current capabilities. Practice doing something that might not work. Being able to handle pain, problems, negative experiences, chaos, and uncertainty allows you to become anti fragile. It's having a solid foundation. A constant of doing the right things rather than reacting wildly to the external like a leaf in the wind. What's better than will power? Placing importance on the right things. Placing importance on who you want to become and the life that you want to have. Placing importance on that process of failures, rejection, and mistakes that leads to success, acceptance, and competence. Placing importance on doing things you're proud of rather than relying on external outcomes outside of your control to determine your self worth. Do the scary, difficult, and uncertain things that you know you should be doing to become the person you want to be and to have the life that you want to have... when you feel like it and especially when you don't feel like it. Sometimes you'll be motivated and sometimes you'll feel like shit, but if you have that solid foundation then you won't be swayed from what you know you should be doing.
Stoicism is like a treasure chest of wisdom. It really is an understanding teaching too, I mean some people have a negative bias of the word stoic for instance but modern culture has it all wrong if you ask someone like me. I already delved into the source material myself. Bypassed Mr. Irvine but nice stuff.
Speaking of this, I recently had some battles in which I pulled through but wanted to run away from. Unrelated to fapping however I can see old patterns that perhaps would have led me to craving to relapse if I had made another choice. As @bike-wrench says, always do the next right thing. Or try. We aren't perfect. But like the saying goes one wrong choice leads to another and another... Or another saying goes we lose in the important matters as we neglect small matters...or something like that. I think little smart choices daily and pushing oneself in small habits could make great big positive changes in the long run. My morning and evening routines are my biggest self-discipline and willpower thrusters and they happen daily. Missing them would throw me off the right tracks overnight I am thinking. Now if one likes to party, well I don't know what to say that never did anything good for my life. Probably going to forget this thread exists now.
