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Questions about watching porn vs. Real sex

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by matø, Dec 30, 2013.

  1. Dec 30, 2013 #1
    matø

    matø Fapstronaut

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    Why do some guys prefer watching porn above real sex?

    I've read many places about guys who prefere watching porn to real sex. Just now I came up with a theory regarding this;

    Could it be out of empathy?

    Lets take a perfectly normal, mentally and physically healthy guy.

    When he's having real sex, or is about to then he has to show how he cares, be social, be there in the present of the act, try to "hold on" to his girl with love and compassion.....

    But when he watches porn, he can throw all of the above away. The "sex" becomes a highway ride where he only have to set the speed. Nothing else.

    Can porn really be for the emotional, caring guys, who sometimes feels that their emotions and good intentions can be obstacles in real life?

    Is porn a way for these guys with great empathy to be cold and only lustfull sexual beings?

    As you might have guessed, I'm talking out of personal experience.
     
    matø, Dec 30, 2013
    matø, Dec 30, 2013
    #1
  2. Dec 30, 2013 #2
    drizztsaysno

    drizztsaysno Fapstronaut

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    I think you're kind of going in the right direction. I believe porn is about the sexual side of sex instead of emotional but I don't think it's for one type of guy it's for anyone. The amount of dopamine from watching porn is a large amount dumped quickly into your brain while ordinary sex slowly delivers it. So it's quick stimulation versus slower. At least that's my theory
     
    drizztsaysno, Dec 30, 2013
    drizztsaysno, Dec 30, 2013
    #2
  3. Dec 30, 2013 #3
    PsychicCharlie

    PsychicCharlie Fapstronaut

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    If your addicted to porn and have sex. It will most likely feel the same. Because your constantly thinking about fantasy instead of the girl your with. Plus you would do stuff you like and she doesn't.
     
    PsychicCharlie, Dec 30, 2013
    PsychicCharlie, Dec 30, 2013
    #3
  4. Dec 30, 2013 #4
    Jason2

    Jason2 Guest

    If you had empathy, then you'd have empathy for the very real women in the porn you're watching. (You is the general "you", not necessarily you.)
     
    Jason2, Dec 30, 2013
    Jason2, Dec 30, 2013
    #4
  5. Dec 31, 2013 #5
    AC81

    AC81 Banned

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    Jason... what a fucking jerk lol
     
    AC81, Dec 31, 2013
    AC81, Dec 31, 2013
    #5
  6. Dec 31, 2013 #6
    matø

    matø Fapstronaut

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    Jason - I think there's a general big difference between experiencing something in real life and watching something on a screen. Notice how you dont have much reaction for whatever horrible things you see on tv. But if it happend right before your very eyes you would REACT. Things like war, murder etc. You wont come close to feeling the feelings you feel when experiencing something to watch it on tv.
     
    matø, Dec 31, 2013
    matø, Dec 31, 2013
    #6
  7. Dec 31, 2013 #7
    William

    William Fapstronaut

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    drizztsaysno's answer is correct. As Gary Wilson teaches, porn is a button we push to get dopamine. Sex is also a button. But, with real sex we can only push that button so much; there are physical and practical limitations to how much real sex we can have. Not so with porn, that is a button we can continuously push, over and over and over, and receive that dopamine reward. Because it produces dopamine more easily than real sex our brains come to actually prefer it. That is called addiction. Porn also presents a novelty factor that real sex cannot.

    To answer your question: Dopamine aside, I think a lot of guys use porn because it requires no emotional investment or challenge. Porn never says no, it does not have to be courted, you don't have to buy it flowers or take it out to dinner or talk nice to it or be nice to it, it is always available. Love, real love, takes a lot of effort, despite what anyone may have told you or whatever preconceptions you may have. For a certain group of porn using guys--and I don't know if this a symptom of porn use, a choice, or a personality trait--they do tend to be "emotionally unavailable". Emotionally unavailable is how my wife described me before I quit porn.

    Either way, mato, porn is not real, so giving it up costs you nothing. Porn has no value, so keeping it in your does not make your life more valuable.

    Quit it.

    Peace.
     
    William, Dec 31, 2013
    William, Dec 31, 2013
    #7

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