Day 1/30. Had a dream about watching porn last night. In the dream i was so remorseful. Yet, i was so relieved when i woke up realizing it was just a dream. Steady Forward!
Day 2/30. I was watching the eulogy of the late president Bush. It had me thinking of how i would want to be remembered in this lifetime. It really added some ammunition to wanting this awful addiction out of my life. How could i possibly have a meaningful eulogy if i allow porn to be my life? Porn takes away who you are. Lets keep fighting. Steady forward
I don't how long you've been at this but for me the earliest part of the journey is like a detox. Perhaps you've moving from one space to the other where the in between is murky. The key for me has been focusing on what I want for an outcome. How I want myself to feel when it's all done. If we fail it's just another reset for detox but perhaps not as bad as the first time. I'm close to 40 days now and feel so much better than when I started. The temptations in the first 15-20 days were heavy at times. The vision though was much more powerful than the quick fix and that is what has sustained me. Have you imagined yourself on the other side? What might like that feel like to be free? For me those answers have not always been clear over the years but they are now. It's taken work, a lot of work but I'm starting to feel things now that I've never felt before. And they are good things. I don't know if any of this helps but hopefully something out of it will help. If nothing else we hear and feel for you.