Married With Children

Welcome CanadianAddict,

I am on my 3rd day without PMO. I know this, If you are 100% ready to let go of PMO, you will succeed. Best of luck on your journey.

NFM

 

Hi! Just wishing you all the very best.

You CAN do this and there's plenty of information, help, and advice here and healthy balance of perspectives so help and be helped just by making an honest contribution.

Anything I suggest below is precisely that, a suggestion, this is YOUR journey and it goes without saying that you are free to proceed in whatever way helps you stop and STAY stopped (even though I just said it!!)

You are stronger than you know!! Please visit this link...

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?2936-Changing-for-GOOD-(in-every-sense!!)

...and please take some time to help yourself and to consider how you are going to set about reaching your fullest potential from here on, which is a CHOICE only YOU can make and a journey only YOU can take.

It's worth mentioning that I hear a lot of people refer to the struggle/fight/battle etc, but it REALLY doesn't have to be that way(not unless you want to get in your OWN way?!?!)... http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthrea...ay-of-Harmony:)

So stay strong, help and be helped, and keep going!http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthrea...60-Keep-going:)



Now here's a refreshing 'change'...http://www.thepeoplesvoice.tv/about




The counter below has been helping me to establish a new habit. It is not a trophy. I simply decided to completely disassociate from pornography because I finally woke up to it and the damage it causes on so many levels and I encourage you to explore this deeper for yourself. I already KNOW that I will NOT be looking at pornography EVER again. Wishing you all the very best in all areas of your life...

 

I too am married with children
I began PMO at age 11 I'm now 50
During that time I have masterbated 2-15 times a week.
Recently the frequency has increased as my wife's interest in sex has gone to nil
We have sex about 1x every other month and recently I used masterbation to fill the sexual void vacated by her

When we are together I find myself needing to picture porn in my mind just to stay hard and climax
She is very attractive and it's so frustrating to live like this

Porno has filled the void vacated by her but I recently realize how shallow and pathetic I am

I feel so rejected and lonely and unloved


I have started on my journey to stop Pmo but find it so hard
When I get the urge it is so consuming I can't think about anything else

I find I watch porno cause I want to see a woman enjoy sex and enjoy the POV especially as
It makes me feel for just a short time like a woman wants me
I wish my wife enjoyed sex with me as much as the actresses seem to enjoy it
When we do have sex she tries to get me off as soon as possible
Immediately gets up to go and clean up and then goes to sleep
I feel like I'm with a prostitute

I'm not trying to justify my behavior but trying to express why I do what I do

I now realize how shallow it is and afterward how guilty I feel

I'm very fit and very attractive so it's very hard to be rejected like this
I really want to quit because it's starting to cause ED
And I realize what a bad effect this has on me

We have been to counseling but she says she doesn't want to go anymore because she's tired of lying to the therapist

Divorce is not an option for me but I just don't know where to turn

Reminds me of the old joke
Q. " want to get a Baptist girl to stop having sex?
a Marry her

 

I'm joining you today as a 45 year old with three kids and a beautiful wife. I've been addicted for about thirty years at one level or another and it has to end.

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http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?2660-Keep-going

And from one dad to another...

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?2831-Stop-and-STAY-stopped!!

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthre...ange-you-want-to-see-in-the-world-quot-Gandhi

I hope they help mate

 

Hi Canadian, good first run. I have seen guys who don't make it 12 hours let alone 12 days. My motto is get educated, get tools, and learn to love withdrawals. Have you done any of that? I started a thread in which I talk about getting clean. No porn, no PMO, no MO now for almost 6 months here.

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?2402-Get-educated-get-tools-and-learn-to-love-withdrawals

One thing I say which I don't a lot of other guys say is "I am quit." Porn is a party that is over for me. It was a roller coaster, it was fast car, it was a thrill ride, but ultimately it just became a button I pushed to fix on dopamine. If you follow the above thread you will find the most important video I saw to help me quit. It's Gary Wilson's TED talk, and he explains the addiction so clearly my problem suddenly had clarity. It was not about morality, it was not about whether I was strong or weak, it was not about whether I was a good dad, good husband, good man, it was about my brain's reward center reacting to porn. It was mechanical. Your reaction to porn is the same as everyone's, it is just that you and I used it so much we rewired out dopamine reward system. There was no science available at the time to let us know such a thing could even happen. You will find it helpful to abandon a moral component here, or to judge yourself harshly. You might come to think of porn as a light switch. It is a button we push to release dopamine. Nothing more. Porn is valueless. In and of itself it does nothing good, it betters us in no way. If that is the case, why do we use it? Dopamine rush, nothing more. I noticed when you finally quit smoking you used the word "quit". I invite you to quit porn. If I can do it you can, and I have done it.

Back to the basics. Go get educated. Understand that porn is a button we push to release dopamine. My advice is to understand it is Pavlovian. A dog drools when it smells food. Can't help it, just does it. Your brain releases dopamine when it experiences porn. Can't help it, just does it. If you cut your hand, you will bleed. You are human, this is how we react to porn. The only solution is to totally eliminate porn from your head.

Get tools. Some guys, when they quit smoking, use certain tools. They use the patch, for instance. With porn, use porn blockers. Won't stop you if you are determined to access, but they help by slowing you down, giving you time to consider what you are doing. What are you doing? You are quitting porn. I suggest you quit with some urgency, not casually. Don't simply engage the problem by passively not doing a thing, but do things to make it difficult to access porn. Something as simple as moving your computer to a public place, keeping your office door open, not being awake after the family goes to bed or up before them. Make a plan, don't just wallow around in the dark when fixing this problem, think it out in advance, think of ways to make accessing porn difficult. This forum is a tool I use, I come here, read, and reply to posts. It helps me, so, maybe you should try it.

Lastly, withdrawals. These are why we fail. These are our dopamine soaked brain begging us, threatening us, pleading with us, negotiating with us, reasoning with us, blackmailing us, to give it dopamine. They suck. You have to know in advance that they are going to happen, that they suck, and you have to be prepared to endure them. How long? No one can say. They are not linear, they come in starts and stops, there are easy days, there are hard days. On the hard days you have to be prepared to suffer through. As a general proposition, I see a lot of guys who hit day 30 and keep right on going. I see a lot of fails between day 1 and 12. PMO is a habit we practice. I advise practice quitting. You have make an effort not only to avoid porn but to keep hypersexualized imagery out of your head. One of the ironies about dopamine release is, once addicted to porn, we can release it by just thinking about porn. We could be i the middle of the woods, 100 miles from a computer, and think about porn and release dopamine. That is not fair, but that is the truth. You need to get about 30 days dopamine/porn free, and from there you won't be in the clutches of the problem and you can reassess how you deal with it.

Hope this helps.

Good luck on your journey.

 

Hi guys! 38 year old married man here. I love my wife, I love my 2 beautiful kids too, but I have the problem that you all know about. I have tried to quit several times, but haven't been particularly successful. This site sounds great, so I'm starting again.