If you would like to join the group, I can add you to the waiting list. There are a few people in line before you. I will tag you in a comment (watch your alerts) when we have an opening.
Hey everyone, When dealing with urges, what things do you do to help with enduring them? I’m asking more in regardes to situations where you’re stuck such as at your desk during work.
Meditation is a good habit to get into. Not necessarily at work, but I have found meditation 2 or 3 times a week at home helps me to stay on track. Prayer too if you're religious. Naps are a good way to reboot your brain. Sometimes this only thing you can do is just white knuckle it and hang in there until the feelings pass. They will always eventually pass if you don't act on them.
hey friends, some updates on my end. Going stronger than ever and with my new work projects lining up nicely and feeling a sense of flow and serenity taking over my life. I have been having wet dreams on occasion. As the same rule applies to monks, I'm not considering wet dreams as a relapse as they are outside the realm of conscious control. However I am learning there is alot I can do to minimize them - the main thing is the diet. the last wet dream occured when I had my last meal later than usual around 6 pm - whereas normally fasting after about 1-3pm it helps me to go to sleep very hungry and waking up very early (2 am) and this helps. I also have attracted a new female friend who is super cool and has so much of the same values in life as me I told her about my commitment to celibacy and she too had taken such a discipline 2 yrs ago, she is also super spiritual, I find myself getting sexually aroused sometimes having her come to mind, even though this is purely a friendship albeit a very intimate friendship. I'm finding something interesting happening as i'm surrenderinging the urges and desire to touch myself and to extract pleasure sexually, specially after I feel very arroused, I'm noticing there is a sense of joy and self love arising from within, it is hard to describe, its like I feel so empowered that i'm not at the mercy of my impulses.
There have been many relapses since the time I began to really face this addiction. And there have been many, many different adjustments--to my schedule, to my way of looking at the challenges, to the strategies, to the rephrasing, to the addition of other habits, etc. And I'll definitely share several, but what helped me most about this metaphor was this central idea: On relapse, you can't just put it behind you and "try again." You have to really figure out what happened and why and how to keep that particular reaction to those particular circumstances happen again. To paraphrase the Einstein quote: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insanity. So if you have a submarine that leaked on your last voyage, you can't just spend a day in port and get back in the sub expecting a successful dive; you need to make some changes and do something different. In that respect, the relapse can actually be a GOOD THING! It gives you the opportunity to figure out and adjust, but it's only a good thing if you are able to make the adjustment. In other words, don't waste your time in port--redesign your sub and go again.
First I tell myself that I can do ANYTHING but pmo. Anything at all - read, walk, talk to somebody, sing, stretch, pray, write, exercise...so many things. Once I feel like I have lots of options (and I do have lots of options) then the fixation with pmo is more likely to go away.
Hi guys, this is my weekly login and rebooting journal. Last week, I passed quite well. Less urge, less thoughts on P and M. But there was one exeption when I saw some triggering material in a random e-mail newsletter (pictures of nudity, but technically no porn). And, wow, that caused such a strong urge. I rescued myself going to play the piano for some 20 min to calm down again. My nsight from that: Only after a few days of no-PMO you notice the heavy impact of triggering material, and P is even more toxic. So, I am happy to be into the challenge and noticing that the urige to watch porn goes down day by day. Yes, I am on a good track these days - but I know there will come harder days with more urge again. My plan: As long as it goes well, stay tuned. And exercise good habits. For that we know where to turn to when days of urge and almost relaps are coming. Stay tuned!
Yes, I know that feeling quite well. And, the better the trip, the more it hurts when you come home. It was such an amazing escape, and now... you're back to the old routine. I've often come home from trips depressed, being unproductive and of course, PMO. I think the best thing to do when you first get back is to immediately focus on unpacking, on putting everything in its place. And then do something productive, which you've planned out in advance. Also, have some sort of trip 'methadone' treatment in place. For example, I once had an amazing week in Tokyo, and came back depressed, as described above. I think if I had downloaded a Japanese movie set in Tokyo, or documentary about Tokyo, something, before I took the trip, and then intentionally waited until I returned from the trip to watch it, it would have helped me 'sober up' easier. Hope this helps. This is great. It seems that the submarine metaphor really works well for you. Does 2pres90 mean anything significant to you? I would recommend having a submarine theme in either your profile pic or member name, preferably both. I think these should be something significant and inspiring. For me, discovery is obvious. This is a journey in self-discovery. I also love to travel, and discover new places. My picture reflects both of these things. And.. I am also a big Daft Punk fan. This is a DP theme, with these two robot guys, and, my favorite album of theirs is called... Discovery. So it's meaningful to me. I would recommend that to you, with a submarine theme. Just a thought. I didn't get this impression at all, @artifact. I actually clicked like for this post. I saw this as a pep talk, inspiring guys to hold out for at least one week. I thought it was great. It can be hard sometimes to pick up on tone over the internet, without the non-verbal communication we receive from face-to-face interactions. If you look over @Heretogrow 's other posts, there is no pattern at all of talking down, or any other negativity. Nice! So happy for you man! I'm a big believer in spirit guides, and I talk to them regularly. It helps a lot. Keep up the good work.
Thanks. I've tried versions of this. The last several times I swore that I would unpack before I even turned my computer on, but no luck. The worst was last spring when I had a friend who was helping me as an accountability partner actually call me when my flight landed (I gave him the flight info in advance) and I just ignored the calls until I was finished with "what I needed to do." That was one of the times when I felt completely out of control, but I look at it now as a learning experience. It's not the person I want to be, so if I can really do battle this time, it will be a great victory. I'll take down your tips and keep adding to them over the next few weeks. This time really will be different.
My current streak runs well. But didn't I say that even though, hard days will come? I didn't expect the hard days come so fast: today. A day full of urge. But this day proves that @discovery is completeley right when he says: I started to clean the house. Tidy up the wardrobe and some messy corners, doing all the laundry and iron all my shirts for the working week. Now in the late afternoon, the urge has gone. And I am very happy of not having done PMO that gives me a second of gratification and a whole bunch of regret, but having done something (a clean and tidy home) that gives me a feeling of gratification that will last at least a week... That's my new panic button strategy when the urge is coming: take out the vacuum cleaner and chase away dust and urge!
Well I almost made it 4 days. Up again and trying for 7 days and beyond. I wonder sometimes if a life or death consequence would be any benefit to stopping this addiction? Would I stop if I knew the consequence was irreversible?
I guess it's how you frame it or look at it. I frequently felt there was a life and death consequence--in that my life was being wasted and I was actively hurting myself by becoming someone I didn't want to be. The lie my addict would tell me ("It's just a little porn, who cares, you had a nice long streak") was a lie and kept me from becoming the person I wanted to be. It's never just porn, it's an escape behavior, and you don't want to be the kind of guy that responds to triggers by pulling down your pants in front of a computer screen and jerking off. How is that life?
What's helped me a lot this month: Changing this behavior is ultimately not simple habit replacement, it's identity transformation!
