First ever reboot, and new to this thread!

hey guys! I know this is going to be a mix of topics but I’ll still keep it brief, and probably go into more detail in the introductions(?) section, however I figure better to give some insight rather than make you go in blind...

My names Sam, im an 18 (19 in Mar) year old male and I’m taking up rebooting as a way to ultimately stop masturbating, and become healthier in general.

I’ve been masturbating since I was about 12 years old, and honestly wish I would never have discovered it, as I never would have expected it to take over the way it did. It got to the point that I was masturbating daily, if not more than once a day for around two straight years, and I felt it was wrong but it felt good, so I didn’t really care, of course up until just under a month ago.

You caught me, I’m approximately 20 days into my first ever full abstinence of masturbating in two years, first time breaking ten days of no masturbation in 3 years, if not four. I decided on a whim to stop, and since then I’ve been winning daily, and plan to for the foreseeable future and past my goal of rebooting.

From what I’ve experienced so far in 20 days of abstinence is probably normal, but to me is something I never thought I’d be able to feel, and makes me really proud, and excited. But before that, I’d like to explain where I’m coming from. I was deeply depressed but never admitted it, and more or less emotionless due to my addiction to masturbation, and more importantly porn. There were periods where every day all I wanted was to masturbate, and after I did I was longing for the next time I could. I hated it, but didn’t know what to do so I just got lost in it and didn’t look back.

However, after 20 days of not masturbating, I can tell you it’s already starting to look better, and im really starting to feel free of what held me down for years on end. The first few days were hard, but I had motivation that made the list almost unnoticeable and this helped me through the “beginning phase” as I called it (the initial “I’m really stopping aren’t I?” time where I failed and relapsed countless times from in the past). After that, my motivation that drove me through those days began to wear off, but has since been replaced by my desire to push on, and stop indefinitely.

I have noticed one thing since I’ve stopped so far, and it’s that I’m ALWAYS at least mildly turned on, but don’t do anything. In the past I would have instantly taken any chance I was given to masturbate, and every time I don’t I feel rejuvenated that I earned another victory and that helps me push forward in this journey.

The second thing that has happened to me during my time is wet dreams. In the 20 days I’ve been abstaining, I’ve had one wet dream to orgasm (a week or so into it) and another just lastnight that didn’t end in an orgasm, but had me really going to say the least, and I expect it to happen tonight as I’ve been in a sort of limbo all day facing the remnants of that dream and the clear message my body is sending: “You need to ejaculate.” Either way, I’m on my way to 30, and know I’ll be there before I realize it.

With that being said, I’m excited to be able to hear from you (whether it be encouragement, or greetings or whatever) and plan to start a long term thread in the actual journal section to keep myself in line, and update you all with how it’s going! I’m especially excited, however, to meet my first milestone of 30 days and an ensuing post will be made for the success section when that happens!

 

And that’s the thing! Before I stopped, I felt super depressed, and everything was just... dull... The only time I ever felt something substantial was whenever I’d PMO, and even at that it got to the point that it was starting to just feel repetitive, and dull too.

Ever since I’ve stopped, it’s as if somebody has begun to color in a coloring book: what was normally gray or dull is starting to glow with color, and vibrance. Even trivial things like waking up early, or completing daily tasks I would sometimes avoid like cleaning my dorm make me feel good!

My only issue, or what I believe to be an issue, is I’m almost constantly feeling horny, to say the least. I touched on this in my original post but didn’t really explain it much. All day, every day (so far at least) I feel that feeling that used to draw me in, and tempt me to PMO. Realistically I see this feeling as an issue, but at the same time it’s shown me the biggest change in me: I don’t desire to PMO anymore when I feel this feeling, instead I desire NOT to!

Overall, in the spanse of abstaining, I’ve been able to notice these differences:

Motivation
Happiness
Depression beginning to fade
Accomplishment
And in general, just positive vibes

 

It’s going to be a journey for sure, and I hope I can finish flawlessly but that’s a tough goal. Seeing you as spiritual, I figure I may bring up the initial cause for my decision to cold turkey, and stop is actually to do with God. I’m a Christian, and was praying one day when I swore to him I would stop PMOing, and never look back if he answered a prayer I have been praying for for a few years now. I had asked for similar things in the past, but somehow this time was different:

The next day (a week or so after New Years) a family friend who lives up where I go to college was down for our New Years party. (We had it late due to complications with timing amd what not). She told me that her daughter, who goes to High School (a senior) just 20 mins away from my campus asked if I had any social media, and told her mom to ask me, and that she wanted to hang out with me. (We go back a little bit as we had played together at family gatherings and what not when we were young (8-10ish?) but never really talked or anything outside of that. In fact the last time I saw her was at her Grandmothers funeral, the summer of 2017.) well anyways, to say the least, I haven’t PMO’ed, considered it, looked at porn, or even DESIRED to like I used to.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m feeling a constant feeling of being aroused ALL the time, and have for the last week but even with that feeling I don’t feel like I’ll every PMO again despite my constant hard on, or whatever the case.

In the end I like to think that maybe that was God prefacing my potential future if I keep what I said, and if that’s the case I’m hell bent on not PMOing ever again. Not only will it bring me astronomically closer to God, but this girl is something else, to say the least and if not PMOing means I’ve got a shot?

We’ve been in contact, and plan to meet up and catch up after her athletic season is over, so that will definitely be included in my updates when I start the journal. Thanks, too, for the encouragement!