What are guys feeling as far as PAWS at your current streak

Depression. Just got off a bender after a 30 day streak.

 

My last streak in spring 18 was 17 days long. I had mental battles with myself everyday when I sat in front of the computer. Having to debate with myself whether I should work or PMO. Then one evening I got very high, got home and got weak legs. "The demon took over me", or at least I pretended like it did. I was very good at ignoring my responsibility of having free will. So I relapsed.

At my current streak I got no PAWS at all. No mental battles, no doubts, no nothing. I changed what porn means to me. Took me two years to get to this point (I've been an addict for 14 years). I can look at porn or sexy images, it doesn't matter, I know I won't relapse again.

I had about three dreams tho during this current streak in which I relapsed. One of them last night. Dreams reach deep, so they are unsettling. But I don't care, as soon as I'm awake I know what I want. Nothing can force my hand but my will.

 

This is on day 30 hard mode

- pain in the chest on the left and right side
- numb left hand, can't move fingers properly (fast as another hand)
- depression, emptiness, hopelessness, no vision of anything, low feelings, low self-esteem,
- procrastination, being sleepy all day, not being able to do a single thing, living "one task a day" lifestyle
- extreme urges sometimes, feeling with urges like I am "under the water and I need to get a breath urgently" so therefore panicking (porn flashbacks)
- feeling sad because of that, want to cry but crying doesn't come to me to give me relief.

I was addicted for 24 years.

 

I don't have sleeping troubles. I had some dreams were I watched porn and that worried me. But I know that the dream doesn't define me, it's a mirror on my current mental state. If that's all that I need to suffer for being free of porn, so be it, that's easy to handle.

Anyway regarding your anxiety in the morning: Make sure you go to bed and wake up at the same time everyday. That's important to keep your biological rhythms stable. Also eat a large breakfast with proteins and fats everyday, same reason. That should help with your anxiety. Some people with heavy anxiety were basically cured just by following these two simple rules.
Also have a plan for the day. I feel bad for suggesting that because I still suck at making a schedule for myself. But it also helps to increase your mental stability.

 

Anything that's tasty to you. For me it's a couple eggs and some sausages.

 

thanks

 

I'm just over 1 year and only now am starting to get healthy erections thinking about straight sex (just to see how it goes, I don't masturbate to this). I used to have sissy/submission fetish, I'm sure that under the wrong circumstances I could still get those sissy fantasies, but I can definitely feel the change now that I've more or less gotten rid of h-ocd. While PIED seems to be on the verge of recovery (I hope), I'm still having anxiety/panic. Still waiting for happiness I guess.