Stop Spreading the BULLSHIT! It Makes the Journey Harder!

Pardon the opinion of the new guy, but I think you're wrong...and you're also right.

Like any other addiction, any relapse is a relapse. If the goal is to cleanse ourselves of the need for P or M or O or all three, then any misstep on that road needs to be called what it is. If you're doing PMO, then that is not staying true to your goal.

But we also don't need to perceive this missteps as monstrous fuckups for which we must apologize and atone, major mistakes that make us failures or bad people. It is possible to call a relapse a relapse without loading it up with all that extra content. People relapse because they are human. What's most important is that we pick ourselves up and get back on the road and learn from our relapses so we can avoid them in the future. That's just part of the process, nothing to be condemned.

 

Thank you for your concerns, bthomas. Everyone has to find their own way of doing this.

As for my personal reboot and the days to come, I'm going to be a Fapstronaut, not a OnlyShortFapper or a 30-Seconds-don't-countFapper. I've got the all or nothing attitude, and I intend to stick to it until I reach my goal. Simple as that.

If I relapse, I start over. From day 1. I will analyze my mistake, try to find out where I left my course, and do it better next time. And if that happens, I will be very comforted by the thought that there are many supporting guys out there that will help me see the relapse not as a complete failure, but as a stepping stone and a learning experience.

Resetting my badge will be the price I have to pay for letting my goal out of sight. And I intend to pay it in full.

Best of luck for your journey!

 

I had the OP's attitude for several years previously and it never did me any good. I had the little missteps all throughout, and if I never cracked down harder I would never escape the addiction.

 

That's a great opinion you have there and you obviously feel very strongly about it. Everyone here has a pretty established system that seems to be working well for them. Surely they are not all wrong?


4 days without incident,
Seamonkey

 

Agree more so with The Eleven. OP does say some things I agree with, but some other things are off. In terms of what should constitute a full relapse for a person, I don't believe there's a one size fits all definition that's applicable to all people. It depends on each person's disposition and what their intentionality is and to what degree that intentionality is when taking an action of "relapsing". And even then, it's still possible to approach a gray area where it's hard to tell if an act constituted a full relapse or not if the action is minute enough: for instance, fully intending to look at P and taking the steps to get you to P, but for one reason or another, the exterior circumstances prevent you from reaching any P for long enough, to the point where you just stop desiring it. Is that a relapse? It would depend, I think, for each person and exactly how much intentionality was involved, for how long it went, etc. But I also don't disagree that the definition for a relapse can become too broad. And in the end, a relapse can become an occasion for unhealthy discouragement and despair (although, it's ok to feel discouraged to an extent. Don't deny your emotions). Personally, a way I've been told to look at this is to not think about perfection at all. Only think in terms of progress because humans only ever operate on the principle of progress, in every skill or talent, rather than immediate perfection. And besides, an expectation of perfection will make you unhealthily afraid of failure, and fear will only make you do worse not better. A far stronger motivator is love, to love whatever the goal it is that you're trying to achieve (particularly helpful if it's for another person). Love isn't motivated by fear, but an innate attraction to your goal, and there is a much greater freedom in that attraction than the fear of failing which feels like being a defendant in a court of law. We were built for freedom and will best achieve freedom from PMO primarily by being motivated by freedom, not fear.

 

This man is right. Just dont attach any emotional baggage.
In my opinion, if you do 'relapse' find out why, make a correction, and move ON. Once you have made all the corrections, you will succeed. Some of these corrections will be easy, like putting a P-blocker. Some will be hard, like figuring out the reasons why you started to fap so much in the first place, and working on those real issues.
At the end of the day, if we want success in this, it is upto us, but we cant fool ourselves in any way. It is what it is.

 

I wanted to post my thoughts on this, but I see TheEleven and seventyniner have already done so. Being honest with yourself is key in this journey.

Thanissaro Bhikku once said ""Honesty is worth more than the attainment." That puts a perspective on this topic. It seems what some people are willing to do to escape the emotional turmoil they have when resetting their timers is the attachment they have towards it. Instead of realizing it is the guilt and depression they have to actively deal with and let go of, they would rather blame the whole concept of resetting.

I did this, OP. And let me tell you. One topless girl pic turns into two. Two topless girls pics turn into 10. 10 Topless girl pics turns into 1 softcore gif. 1 softcore gif leads you down the same road we have all been through until you're right back in the thick of it, not knowing how in the hell you got there.

Take control of your mind. Allowing "biological" explanations for we are sexual creatures doesn't cut it. I know it's hard to believe, but it's an excuse. An excuse the weak side of our mind wants us to persuade us to believe that it's okay to indulge a bit here and there. That same weak side doesn't believe that you can become master of your thoughts, your actions, and ultimately your life.

There are ways you can release your sexual energy without giving in to sexual thoughts though, look at this success journal for an idea of how to go about this http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=24999.0

Best of luck my friend

 

i agree with this. i had two relapses till now and it happened exactly like this. the brain tricks us. once we get really aroused we cant stop the pmo-mechanism. in the past pmo was like breathing for us.

 

Seems a bit of a cowards way out to me. These little 'slips' that you say are okay are actually one of the biggest problems. If you've been edging or quickly looking at porn then your brain is still in control and leading you. Wise up.

 

Do what works for you, listen to others, especially the ones with success. This is an honor system that is to help motivate you. At the end of the day, the badge is for you, no others, use it as you see fit to best help you.

 

Well said. In the end, we each answer only to ourselves. That said, pretending that a slip is something other than a slip isn't likely to lead to where you say you want to go.