I need to talk

Hello guys,

First of all sorry for my very very bad english.
I’ll try my best for you to understand my story.

I never felt so lost in my life, so much questions, so much interrogations.

My body is shaking, my mind is clearly lost with all these thoughts.

There is my story :

I discovered sex when I was 7 years old.
The first time I fap, I was 10 years old and immediately I got addicted.
At 12 years old I start to watch porn, only straight porn.
Only thinking about woman.
Then I got my first time when I was 19 years old, in a party and I was totally drunk.
It was incredible, it was something I want since so much years.
After that, my porn consumption has steadily increased.
It was the only pleasant moments of my life.
But I was looking for more and more trash content.
Fapening two times per day.
But never felt any attraction to watch gay porn or trans.
This year I got a GF, an incredible girl!
At first, just touching her gave me an erection.
Just kissing her I was going to turn around.
And one day we decided to do it.
I was stressed, during the act I was only telling me I must maintain my erection.
It was incredible but the next day trying to remake and it was the drama.
I didn’t get an erection and it fucks all my confidence.
I was in shock, I did not understand. To the point of telling me that I did not like sex anymore.
For several days I could not even have an erection so I was desperate.
I went through all the forums to find an answer and one day I came across this person who was in the same situation as me.
Saying he was maybe gay.
So I try to test myself by watching a gay porn.
I had not felt anything at this moment. Add to that I was extremely afraid to have relations with my girlfriend because I told myself that I was not going to have an erection.
The problem is that it has created a page in me.
And if I was gay?
I thought about it every day, I did not understand.
I never had that kind of thought before.
To the point of making depressions.
I then discovered Nofap and several people who were in the same case as me.
So I started no pmo but these thoughts did not leave me.
It even made me think that thinking about girls did not matter to me.
I held 14 days, the thoughts calmed down but I knew I was going to need more time.
And one night I went to sleep with my girlfriend, just touched it I had a crazy erection.
On top of that it lasted, something that had not happened since.
But I was too scared to do it, as soon as we are together at home I'm scared.
As soon as we kiss each other, I tell myself that I have to strip.
When she touches me, I tense up because I'm afraid I will not bend. After that, I tested myself on porn. First something soft but I could not have a complete erection and after that I escalated on gay porn.
My brain is set on fire at this time and I had a sick erection.
Now if I try to masturbate without porn I can not do it.
It's even harder when I try to think of girls but when I think of boys I get to have an erection.
I do not think the Nofap can help me.
I do not understand because in the street I force myself to look at the boys and I feel nothing.
I can not imagine having a relationship with, having a candlelight dinner or even getting married.
It's not me and I know it.
I am desperate, to the point of having no more consideration for life.

I just needed to confide.