Do some people actually completely return to old behaviours?

“Careful how you judge others. At some point you have been, or will be all of them.”― Frank Ruhl Peterson. Stay humble, vigilant and never say, never again.

If you understand how deep learned behaviour (any addiction) changes your brain, you know that PMO neurological pathway written in your lizards' part of the brain (where automatic behaviours are stored) stays with you for the rest of your life. It might reactivate it in an instant, if you reuse it, override your "newly" build pre frontal cortex alternative neuropathway (your logical thinking). It's the way our brain works.

From my own experience, I read a lot about neuroscience behind addiction, so I can say, I understand the mechanisms behind it to some extend, yet I fell back into months long binge addiction rabbit hole numerus times after abstaining for as long as 200 days. Staying humble and vigilant is the key here and if we relapse learn to pick ourselves up immediately and move forward. That's all we can do. PMO addiction path will always stay engraved in our brains, dormant but always prepared to wake up.

 

Or in plainer terms, the things we do, especially the things we do many times over, leave scratches on our brains. As with scratched windows, screens, etc - you can't ever really, truly fix them. Not 100%.

 

Conceptual understanding doesn't have that much to do with it. I'm sure people who have gone on to become addiction counselors with all that training are not immune to relapse. What does help is the fact that they are constantly reminded by working with people, so it's a matter of being in that social context and that's also why any addiction recovery fellowship work.

On that note, it should REALLY be understood that posting stuff online does not constitute a "fellowship" - I don't think even going to meetings repeatedly does. It can easily become a ritual without the actual deep bond that not only keeps people away from the addiction but inspire them towards deep change. LITERALLY YEARS can go by without it going that deep. With PMO it seems like the "community" is mostly online so this is a serious concern of mine. As social creatures this is not enough even normally, let alone when there is a lot of healing to do.

 

Well, it is the same thing with smokers.. isn't it? Everyone knows it's bad, and most people never quit. Sometimes people quit for 20 years and then return to the habit... Why? For me it is because they think those things are the only way to change how they feel, and that is far from the truth. We can make ourselves feel good whenever we want, despite the situation.

It is a mind game, after all: Control it, and you're on your way. Let it control you, be it by fear of failure or fear of the unknown (life w/o PMO), and you lost it.

If you try to quit doing the same thing over and over again, you'll fail over and over again. The secret is adapting, learning from relapses and keep going.

 

I believe that once the problem is admitted and help is sought, there is slim chance one can revert back to old behaviors without the thought crossing their mind that:

a) they are acting on a behavior that is a problem.

b) they are breaking the commitment they made to stop that behavior.

c) they really dont want to act on it but have no choice and will stop but not until after this last time.

Once M was a problem for me, i couldnt 'enjoy' it anymore like i thought i was. Those 3 points above constantly crossed my mind, and during every O i would remind myself how i had failed yet again.

This was even before i used P.
It became much worse for me then because i would tell myself and convince myself that looking at P was not M, and that i wouldn't go any further, knowing fully well that it would cause me to MO, what the consequences were, and what i would feel afterward. I outright lied to myself and knew i was lying to myself.

I just didn't care once the obsession started. Still it was practically impossible to enjoy and yet i did it anyway.

 

Only people that accept their life as a PMO addict choose to go back for good. Some people are going to allow themselves to live in filth. They no longer feel shame for what they do. I will not find happiness there and will not allow that to be a part of my life anymore. I would not focus on those that go back and keep the focus on never returning. Porn causes a man to loose his manhood. He can't get a girl and if he does his spouse is less attractive to him because he is constantly comparing her to other girls. There is nothing better than having a girl that is totally into you and you being totally into her. You lose sight of all other girls out there and focus on the one. That can only happen without watching porn.