Day 13, I'm having cravings and rationalizations. Am I doing something wrong ?

I'm kinda going through a hard, stressful, lonely situation in my life. I know that P is just an escape from reality. I'm kind of scared that having cravings now will mean that my mental performace (ability to focus and my memory), which I really need that now, will decrease over the next few days. I had also stupid realization, which says that having cravings and urges means that I need to start again.

I'm really afraid that I will let myself slip at some point.

 

I will always trust Zuko

I see. I probably fucked my brain lately too hard with P and that's how recovery looks like in practise. I will keep going and try to fight with urges. When they will arise, I will try to explain rationally to myself what this feeling means, why it occured and why I should not listen to it.

I will probably sound weird, but I think right now that these two parts are rational in some way. On the one hand, I'm really bored at my current corporate job, I have to learn a lot after hours because I want switch industries, which itself requires a lot of discipline, I didn't use the opportunity to approach probably the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, I feel the loneliest in my life and because for the last couple years whenever I felt angry, sad, lonely I've always run away to P. or sex-driven relationship I didn't develop neccesary coping skills. P. is the easiest possible escape.

Yet, it's not a solution. In the long-term it will always deepen my problems. Two weeks ago I was really in the hell that most of you know too well. I mean, it really screwed me up. It's good to remember about that.

Yes, we are. Good luck!

This addiction is really stupid. It's so weird. Doing something with such compulsivity for 5-8 hours a day till 3,4,5 o'clock in the morning and that something is not even neccassary for survival. It is strange to imagine that from third person perspective. P. clearly stopped being what it used to at the beginning.