Partner downloading but not viewing. Advice needed please

So consequences are hard, I totally get it. We are struggling with that too. I feel like it’s hard to find that balance. I either feel like I’m being mom and punishing or the consequence punishes me as well. We have pretty good boundaries in place but the consequences we still are in limbo. We tried nights on the couch but I didn’t like it. Felt like we went backwards in disconnect.

 

There’s a big difference between parenting and consequences. Consequences of boundary violation are to keep you safe (emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, etc). They should be things you can do.

For instance:

One of mine is no P and/or M

If he violates this I won’t sleep in the same bed as him, have sex, and at this point it could lead to divorce (but we are 17 years in).

 

There are some posts I have seen that mention a lot of downloading and obsessive cataloguing of the content, more than the viewing itself. You might try searching for terms like cataloguing, organizing, hard drives, etc to find some of those posts. If any are current or from still active users, you might ask them for some insight.

Best wishes.

My own 2 cents is that it's probably hoarding type behaviour more than stashing for future use. Maybe as an intermediate step, see if he would just make notes on the videos he would have downloaded and why, even with links if he needs them.....something that fills in the OCD void without the stash.....it's maybe better than what he's doing now, but full withdrawal is better if he can.

Also, if he can't open up to a bunch of no-names on the internet he should just start a old fashioned paper journal instead with an audience of one.