Hi, I'm recente here, 10 days only. I'm doing a 90 days no PM to reset my brain because I want to get ride of PIED. I think this forum is amazing and it gave me real hope after years of desperation. But I have to say be carefull with extreme behaviours and this goes both ways. M for hours every day is an extreme. Also not having an O for a year is an extreme. I think none of the two is natural or healthy. For me P is bad, like never again in my life. Not natural not healthy. M is not a bad thing unless you abuse it. It makes sense to completely stop it for 90 days or whatever time it takes in your specific case. But after that just don't abuse it and it should not be a problem. Not O is confusing to me.. if it's done with another person who you thrust and love that's what i call a healthy sex life. Why would you not want that? About the benefits. No PIED or DO sounds amazing and makes sense. But some other stuff just makes no sense and i simply don't believe in it. Better vision? It reminds me of that myth that M caused blindness. Maybe spending too many hour in front of a screen is the root of that. But in that case I should quit my job too because I spend 8h a day in front of a screen. Anyway I'm not trying to demotivate anyone. Also I believe this is good and I'm doing it myself. Just trying to warn people not to go from one extreme to the other, none seem good to me. I am open to anyone with a different opinion and respect different ideas from mine. Thank you!
"Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation." - Saint Augustine I agree 100 % with what you have written. The problem is once you've been addicted for long time to binge (P)MO (25 years in my case), perfect moderation becomes nearly impossible to achieve. That's why I opted for complete abstinence with monk mode. Everything else has failed me numerus times. If one can develop healthy MO habit and/or sex life after reboot, I see no problem in doing so. That would be 100 % success in my eyes. I opted to give up M for good as I obviously can't control it but hope to have normal sexual life with real partner after monk reboot period which will hopefully end soon with establishment of new healthy relationship.
I have to say I am a bit scared of that too. I have 10 years of PMO, so being able to mederate M does not seem like an easy task. And yes if nothing else worked for you good luck with the monk mode! Just that I have read lots of great posts here but also lots of exagerations like saying that food tastes better.. it feels like a marketing campaign some times. And desperate people tend to go to extremes and that's never good. Has you said success is moderation. If not possible go for abstinence but in my opinion people should not refer to that as an amazing thing, rather the best solution they can get for the moment.
People exaggerate all the time. I've been serious about quitting for 2 years now (and semi serious for 8). During the last two years I managed to do one six months long and current monk streak nearing 9 months now. My observations are that monk mode is VERY uncomfortable and painful, both emotionally and physically. I've experienced severe insomnia, flu like symptoms, fatigue, chronic headaches, wild mood swings, major depression, social/general anxiety and anhedonia so nothing pleasant. With that being said, I'd say it has been totally worth it. There is no superpowers on the other side, just normal life. PMO is like a comfort blanket/blister helping us to numb painful emotions we're not willing to face. Once removed, you have no other option but to face your fears. It's bloody painful as you need to learn how to cope with them in a healthy manner in absence of PMO, but it's the only way you can beat this addiction. The reward is great personal change and growth. I really like Vivian Green's quote "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain." It describes perfectly what is needed to break addiction cycle. Life happens to all of us. It brings lot's of joy but also lots of pain. We have to learn how to cope with painful events and emotions without numbing ourselves with PMO or some other drug of choice. This takes A LOT of effort, abstention is only first step on the path to recovery.
