Marriage on the rocks. Frustrated Wife

Dustyshiv,

I'm so sorry you are going through this! Just because there is no light doesn't mean you shouldn't keep going!!

I just left a 4 year sexless marriage. Part was her, and part was me. I've been through years of sleeping alone, and using alcohol and porn to "self soothe" as the psychiatrists say. I'm quitting now, because I'm not going to let her win, and leave me isolated. I also weened off of meds as a last ditch effort. It didn't work.

There are many out there like you! Please take some time to look up videos on Youtube about Stoicism (the philosophy). It may just be the thing you are looking for.

Delibro

 

Hello and welcome!

We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

Getting Started Guide | How to Use the NoFap Forums | Panic Button | Day Counter | Rebooting Resources | Forum Rules | Glossary

If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

You can also take part in one of the many challenges available. It can be a tremendous help. Challenges

Also, there are groups you can also join if you wish to do so. You can browse through them here. Groups

There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!

 

courage friend don't worry ... you'll see that everything will be fine ... I have heard many success stories with restored marriages. You will see that it will be good for you too

 

The 10 stages of rebooting.

Stage 1: This is when we realize that masturbation is affecting our healthy negatively and we have a thought about quitting. However, after reading about the harmlessness theories of masturbation we are not so determined anymore, we think that masturbation in moderation should do us no harm. This is the very initial stage of rebooting which is characterized by ignorance and naivety. The result: failure!

Stage 2: We gain a small understanding of the harmful effects of masturbation, but not a thorough understanding. The result: failure!



Stage 3: We begin to study other peoples’ experience of rebooting and we try to break our rebooting record. Although we have managed to set a new record on the number of rebooting days we are still unable to break out of the vicious cycle. The result: failure!


Stage 4: This is the confusion stage, after numerous failures, we start to doubt ourselves. At this stage, we are not putting in enough of a fight, no fight no victory! The result: failure.


Stage 5: Our body gives out signals once again and it’s clear that our health has deteriorated. Once again we make up our minds to quit and rely helplessly on the brute force method without learning about the correct methods. The result: failure.


Stage 6: We begin to see the harmlessness theory for what it is, that it only works to trick the “children”. This is when we experience a breakthrough in our way of thinking but we still fail to understand why we are unable to quit masturbation. The result: failure.


Stage 7: This is the stage of understanding, gained from reading vast amounts of rebooting articles, we begin to acknowledge spiritual teachings (such as Buddhism) which helps to increase our determination tremendously, we break the 100-day streak. The result: still failure.


Stage 8: The thorough cleansing stage, we are starting to cleanse ourselves both consciously and unconsciously. Once this idea has entered our subconscious we easily break the 200-day barrier. There may come one day when we are browsing the internet and have our guard down or we have been slack in our rebooting studies, we therefore stumble near the finishing line. The result: still failure.


Stage 9: We are almost there now and have become even more careful, our understanding takes on another level. We are no longer affected by dirty thoughts, what we see do not enter our intentions, what other people sees and like we react with caution. We are steady in our heart even amidst rough winds of thoughts. We have discarded the habit of masturbation altogether.

Stage 10: “Nothing to begin with, how can nothing stir the dust”. We have come to the highest stage where all things returns to simplicity, just as the “sweeping monk” from Jin Yong’s martial art novels. Great skill is hidden in plain site, this is only achieved by the Master. Tips: Everyone should be able to find their current stage in rebooting, just like in video games we have our levels, once we have reached that level success will come. If our level of understanding is not there we will have a hard time to quit masturbation, for a master there is no difficulty, while mastery is difficult to achieve for a layman. Hopefully, everyone will continue to study rebooting articles, the day when we find our “aha” moment is the day when we can walk away from masturbation for good. For the few bright people with keen minds, they are able to skip over stages just as a bright student is able to skip grades and the poor student will need to remain in the same grade.

 

First of all there is enough children in the world plus having a child with the difficulties you and your wife are having would not be responsible. So if I understand you correctly your practicing nofap you are exercising and you had your hormone levels checked your libido should be off the charts . My feeling is that maybe your wife's behavior has upset you to we're you just loose the urge . But remember that is feeling that you get and you should not make her behavior a excuse for your own behavior . Reach out to her find something about her you like and be as pleasant as possible . It's all in the timing when she looks pretty or the light hits her in a certain way tell her how you preceive it . At this time you are focusing on her flaws and yours no one to blaim it's just that you and her are planting bad seeds after bad seeds . Make your own reality on the way you see her and it will result in fruit .

 

Sorry dustyshiv I was to harsh forgive me your going through a tough time there has to be something out there to help . Try a men's specialist doctor for this I believe that primary doctors play it safe when it comes to prescribing t boosters .

 

I notice my urge has for sex has went down since I stopped working out so much,now I am just working on making money maybe try some serious weight training squats are very good for t levels .

 

Go to a specialist for male issues .

 

I wish these bad things didn't happen to you....but rebooting takes around 90 days for most people and a lot more for those who have been severe addicts, i really hope you can heal completely and love your wife and have a happy life! As for the moment you could try Vi@gra or Cial!s, ask your urologist for recommendation....just don't let your wife found out yet....quit PMO forever and you will heal completely, one day you won't need them! Hope this helps!