Fluctuating Emotions

I feel the same. One minute I go from "I have unlocked the cages of darkness, I will lead others to freedom"!!
Then the next minute I want to cut my wrists and bleed out in the bathtub like a pussy.
I hate the jumps. It's hard to relate to people when you jump back and forth constantly

 

Well, jumps in emotion are pretty common in addictive behaviour from what I can see, or fragile nervous systems. It is like a total hypersensivity to emotion. Everything feels more intense. We all change emotions from hour to hour , minute to minute. That seems normal. But it is like you can feel a whole lot more intense. It can have many causes as I am not a specialist but feels like your nervous system is simply inflamed and needs cooling down.and fortification so it can handle/ contain more emotion. By the way extreme euphoria does not seem good, as it too can be harmful and detach from reality. Especially sometimes. To my mind anything that breaks conscious control and mindfullness is potentially damaging. The Orthodox mystics saud that mystical states are like a sober ecstasy. Sober was a big part of it.

 

Keep doing no PMO.
it's some passing effect. Later it will be stable.

 

I certainly hope so.

My mood swings aren’t as often as they used to be and I feel more stable over all. But when I do get a downswing my mind goes into dark places once again and I just want to hide, look at porn, and research s*****e methods. I hate it. I’m thinking I should go back to counseling but it’s so expensive.

 

It's because your brain chemistry goes loco when you abstain. Chemical imbalance of dopamine is causing state of euphoria and depression (plus there is cocktail of other hormones involved). Brain needs time to rebalance, just hold on, thing do return to normal over time. You're very young, so your brain has capacity to recover fast.