I'm no PMO for 16 days now, and it's been pretty rough. One of the worst parts? I feel much less attracted to my wife. Does that make sense to anyone? Is my brain trying to drive me to more attractive women online? Any help would be greatly appreciated!
SP Wild is right. It is early days. Don't over analyse what your head may or may not be doing, but definitely be aware of triggers and urges. It is a challenge to kick PMO on your own when you are in a close relationship. It brings up many questions and doubts and guilts, but it is best to wait until your brain is clear and calm before making any judgement calls. 16 days is a great achievement. Well done! For me it did get easier after a few weeks, but we are all different. Hopefully things will getter easier for you soon. What is your goal? Have you thought about getting a counter? Good luck and take care.
Wow, that is great to hear guys. I'm just noticing every little negative thing about her right now, and it's freaking me out. Was very much hoping that it's just part of the process. Thank you. Just got the counter. EDIT: Hmm, maybe not. The code is in my signature box though.
Hey Mark I know what you mean. It's normal but not going to go away without a little bit of proactive actions. It's not just about no PMO So abstaining from PMO is great but if all that's being done is abstaining then it won't completely go away. Here's what I mean. PMO is usually a big part of a person's life, I mean a significant part. PMO is usually done at home, at work and everywhere in-between. What's the point? Well when it goes, something else has to replace it and the time it use to occupy. Wife Time You gotta do things with your wife that fun, very key, make sure you're laughing and having crazy good time a hobby that you both like, something that you both really, really enjoy, if there's nothing like that explore and find something. Board games, collecting stuff, creative writing, poems, Bible Trivia, Gospel Singing, are some of the things me and my wife like doing together. Wife Time plus benefit Okay, so it's not really about the climax. This is a hard thing to digest but it's not about having sex and climaxing. Think about sexual things you can do together without actually climaxing although you can if you want. Showering together, taking a nice bubble bath together. Slow dancing, cuddling in bed naked. Just a couple of things that will help build the relationship. The Old System The old system is some crazy, violent force drags you into do or viewing pornographic images but healthy sexuality is more of a controlled power. You are now growing in the sense that you can control when to be aroused. Don't believe me, get in bed with your wife both of you naked and notice how ready your penis becomes after relaxing in bed. Your body is starting to become your own now. It just doesn't feel like progress because we've been using messed up measures. Hope that helped bud .
All very good advice klahhh. I appreciate it. Right now, I've noticed that everything seems unexciting and negative. I mean everything. So it's hard to know exactly how I really feel. Right now I'm just trying to escape the withdrawals and then I'll be able to start working on the rest. Thanks!
Looks like, you might have fixed the signature problem, but if you haven't found the permanent solution then you switch on your signature for all messages by doing this. Click Settings (top right of window) Down the lefthand side under My Settings/My Account click General Settings Third block down, Thread Display Options, the first option is Show Signatures Make sure the box is checked and then scroll down and click Save Changes Your goal is 20% complete already. Well done! Good luck!
Your brain may be adjusting to seeing your wife in a more real way, possibly less erotic, and your scumbag brain may be trying to make you think it's a bad thing. PMO is not normal, loving your wife, and anyone, even when you don't feel like it is normal! Go with it.
Hey 'mark1719'. How are you feeling about your wife now? I also think that if you haven't done so already, it could be helpful if you confided in her about what you have been feeling. I think that having a partner to help you through things is extremely beneficial. Last but not least, Congratulations on your NO Fapping!
Think about it this way--sure, you are married, but in some ways, your NoFap process isn't any different than a guy's who is single. Single guys w/out a wife or sexual outlet frequently describe going through a phase of "dead d*ick syndrome" when, after an initial spike in libido from abstaining initially, their libido, desire, erections, etc. seem to go on vacation somewhere for a couple of weeks. They may also feel depressed, discouraged, irritable, etc. during this time. It's like going through a type of withdrawal. But stick through that season, and things will begin to return to normal and will eventually get really good as your brain adjusts to a PMO-free life, and has become less dependent on the dopamine and adrenaline rush from the thoughts and images of porn. Don't worry, your emotions will again be more balanced, your sexual interest in real people (incl. your wife!) will return and perhaps even improve over how it was before NoFap. OK, now, as a married guy, add a wife to the mix! You are physically the same as a single guy. If a single guy goes through the "dead d*ck" phase where sex becomes uninteresting for a while, so does the married guy. So it's no surprise that at this stage in your NoFap journey your wife--your sexual partner/outlet--becomes uninteresting to you sexually. You are in "dead d*ck" phase. Add to that whatever additional relational dynamics already exist between you two, or may have been undealt with, lying under the surface, and since you are in a stressful time going through this phase of NoFap, then those issues are going to arise, and you might experience doubts about her and your relationship with her. But as other guys here have said, just stick it out, and things will improve across the board. Remember why you are doing this in the first place; I imagine that part of of this is for her--to be a better, more faithful husband. Remember that this, or any significant change in your lifestyle, will be difficult and even painful at times. You are "relearning" how to think and act in an area of your life. And for an adult, that is especially though. Also remember that you are dealing with an issue that literally affects your brain chemistry. How you feel right now isn't exactly "reality." You are dealing with hormones that are out of whack for a bit, and mentally, you are going through the challenges of changing thinking patterns. Let your sexuality go on vacation for a bit, so it can reemerge later when it's ready to, healthier and rested up. It's not going to go away forever! Guy after guy here will testify to that. In the meantime, though, reconnect with your wife on a more personal/emotional level, like klahhh suggested. Get to know her--again--and remind yourself of the reasons why you love her, apart from sex. Kindle new interests or renew old ones and become her best friend again. Don't put pressure on yourself or her to be sexual right now. Focus on rebuilding the foundation of your relationship with her, just as you are rebuilding the foundation of your own sexuality. Blessings on your process.
I can't thank you all of you enough for the replies. They have helped me immensely. Unfortunately, I had an extremely stressful day yesterday, got weak, and PMO'd. Today, I'm paying the price, as I've been horribly depressed. She hasn't looked good to me again today either. I will say that my wife has gained some weight recently, so I think there is some "real" concern in my brain about that. But I have no doubt it's magnified 50x by the withdrawals. BullseyeChris, thanks for your insightful post in this regard. Today I went and began a new hobby (thanks Klahhh) that I hope will help replace some of the time I used to PMO. With the way I feel today, I'm VERY motivated not to relapse again.
Unfortunately, your flatline just might deepen since you PMO'd. I think that's the source of all the folks who report relapse and then feel awful. Best advice I have is to really read the stuff on http://yourbrainonporn.com and learn all about this process. So many folks freak out when they hit the flatline because they just aren't prepared for what's happening. You get so used to feeling sexual all the time, and suddenly you're asexual, and it freaks you out. I had a flatline that began at day 38 and ended 3 days ago. I went from "can't keep my hands off my wife's ass" to not finding it attractive at all. But now I'm back.
Hey Wink, Congrats on breaking through that flatline barrier! I believe I was at 20 days before relapsing yesterday. Isn't that too early for the flatline? I mean, I know everyone is different, but I feel like I've mainly dealt with severe depression as a result of withdrawals, and haven't really hit much of a flatline yet. Thoughts?
We're all in this together. If one of us has made it, it means all of us can make it. You're on a great track mark1719. Here are a couple of things that helped me thus far. Thoughts are powerful They are the building blocks of our beliefs. Are beliefs of what is sexual and attractive is actually just a matter of experience and thoughts and beliefs. Don't believe me? In South America, young girls in one Spanish speaking country get breast implants for their sweet 16. In the same continent, same language same culture, young girls on their sweet 16 get breast reductions. The one country believes large breasts are attractive, the other believes slaves had large breasts in the past and that they don't want to be linked to slaves. This is all in the mind and in the heart. Mind you the operations are surgical operations, the price for the average person is about 6k, that's 3 month's salary. I just want to conclude by saying I'm proud of you and everyone who has taken this life challenge on. I believe we all have our own unique reasons for wanting change and that the core change that we all look for is not a outward one, but rather an inner. There's no one in this forum that has said, I finally found the perfect girl and now life's great. None. So I encourage everyone to let all the terrible lies we've all been told since we were 9 and 10 go. There are no barbies, no supermans. Just perfectly imperfect persons covering the sins of their neighbors...that's perfect.
