Hey, my name is Mike. I'm seventeen years old. Right now I'm trying to do NoFap because my lack of motivation and the other symptoms of habitual fapping has been so detrimental. I even stopped going to school a little more than a year ago. (I used to be an honors student and a basketball player at my school.) My porn / video game/ Internet addictions completely changed my life for the worse. All of these things started innocently. The first game I've ever completed was Kingdom Hearts on the PS2 when I was a kid. That game got me completely obsessed with video games because there was so much more to it than just mindless action, a forgettable story, etc. I've been hooked to video games ever since but have stopped right when I finally made it past a week of NoFap. My porn obsession started when my then-12 year old brother introduced to me to naked women on HBO one night. My mom and father always worked late night shifts so you can guess what I did until they got rid of the subscription... My Internet addiction came about in late 2011 when I got access to high-speed Internet at home. It started off as me using it simply as a learning resource. But soon after, I found porn. (Obviously.) And, well... it all went downhill from there and now I'm here posting this. I discovered the Gary Wilson ted talks video a while ago on YouTube but shrug it off arrogantly. I should have took it to heart then. Foggy memory, depression, and basically... crack-head like symptoms are what made me go back to the video recently and actually listen to it. Now I've been away from porn for a little over a week and I'm going through all kinds of freakish stuff. The first week of NoFap was incredible. And then things started getting weird once I had a couple of vivid wet dreams. I'm now dealing with depersonalization, derealization, foggy memory and depression to the max. I live less than 30 minutes (depending on traffic) from the Pentagon and the Monument and all of these other iconic places. Whenever I drive to pick up my older brother (I'm going to avoid stating where he works for classified reasons, lol), I see people jogging in fluorescent Nikes, business men and women walking around fast, and all kinds of different people just living life to the fullest. There's tons of people, street performers, scenery and when I drive there - I get suicidal thoughts and feel like I'm completely empty. Everything is a blur. I feel more energized now but... It's like all of my other problems are worse than when I masturbated to porn habitually. Even typing this message I feel completely blank and I'm sure my grammar is horrendous because I'm in a different world right now. Will things get better? I don't want to relapse and don't plan on relapsing but geez... these withdrawal symptoms are a real pain in the a$$. And funny enough, not a single soul knows anything I just posted here other than the anonymous souls reading this.
I'm listening and I'm here to support you. Even though I'm anonymous, I'm human too. I've been there and it feels terrible. There is hope to live a better life though. For me, some of the most helpful, depression-fighting experiences were when I reached out to make real connections with people in real life. Maybe try meeting some people when you see on the street. Ask them what makes them happy. Ask them about their lives. Share something with someone. Help someone, a stranger or someone close to you. Interactions like those that are real, person to person, really bring me fulfillment, completely different from the feelings I get after PMO.
Welcome Mike. I can totally relate. The first week is not so hard, then the next two are white-knuckle weeks, then it gets easier. During weeks 2 and 3 I slept any minute I was not at work. Then it starts picking back up, and the brain fog clears, and your urges get to be less and less, and so on. If you are feeling suicidal seek help, don't let it get to that point. Hang in there, it will get easier, and it will definitely be worth the pain in the ass. Know that there are a lot of supportive people who are going through the same thing, and know what you are going through. We are here to help one another.
Thanks for the words of encouragement and advice. It's sort of like I'm readjusting to the real world which is just frightening. I can't even remember the last time I went to a theater with some friends. Interacting with real girls and just people in general will definitely be helpful to my NoFap journey. I'm just so out of it right now that it seems impossible. I'm about to go for a jog. It doesn't require too much thought, haha.
Sucks, right? I woke up from an EXTREMELY vivid wet dream this morning (almost like I was there, wtf?) and I feel so strange. It's crazy that P addiction actually leads to this crap when quitting the use of it. I had suspicions of weird foggy memory a long time ago but everyone was like "M is natural. It's perfectly normal to do and is actually beneficial to your health." And I never made the connection back then that P was the problem and not M. And my stupid former self had the nerve to leave countless tabs open and fap to all of them. Damn it.
