One more day dear Fellowship. I´m entering the rocky maze of Emyn Muil. Here´s some wisdom from our brother in this struggle, JK Emezi. Have a great day!!! "Brother, Perhaps you are religious- or were religious and leaned on your religion- specifically Christianity to help you end your addiction to pornography and masturbation. I am not religious- but I was baptized as a Christian and raised as one. Just like you, my first instinct when I realized that my behavior was beyond the power of my will was to pray to a higher power for deliverance. You made promises. You broke them. You made “deals”. “If you save me from porn and masturbation, I will in return do_____” Many Christians are taught to shame themselves as penance for their “sin” of masturbation and viewing pornography. As you know by now, shame is fertilizer for your addiction. Your porn addiction NEEDS shame and guilt to grow. The moment you take shame out of the equation, rapid progress and growth is your reboot can be observed. When you are held to a certain standard by your religion, the laws of your religious book and the church/religious community, not living up to that standard makes you feel inadequate. And when your religion is the road map to your life, when it defines your entire existence, when it is the determinant of all that is right and wrong, not living up to its standards implies that you are a failure at life. Feelings of inadequacy, feelings of failing at your spiritual existence lead to self loathing or self hatred. Unfortunately, when you turn to Christian counselors and groups, you start to realize that they are basically taking basic behavioral management techniques and glossing them over with biblical principles. You notice that an unshakable sense of shame permeates the groups. A deep fear of being judged by others from your church and religious community remains. Numerous unanswered questions about the deeper nature of your addiction remain unanswered. Does this mean that the Christian approach to ending porn addiction doesn’t work? No, it doesn’t. But if it worked for YOU, you wouldn’t be reading this email. You would be 100% free from your urges to view pornography. You need a much deeper understanding of your brain, pornography, addiction, and how the process of rebooting actually works. There are many positive qualities religion brings to recovery. -Unconditional Love -Helping you understand that your sexual desires, your appreciation of female beauty and your sexual nature are good and pure at their fundamental level. - Teaching you to forgive yourself and others- which is a key part of ending any addiction - Processing grief and traumatic events in your life All these are not enough to end your addiction to pornography or masturbation. They will however, prove useful after you have regained control- after your first and in some cases second year of rebooting. At that stage, you will have let go of shame and guilt. You will be emotionally mature enough to separate the non-spiritual aspects of your religion created by men from the spiritual parts which help you live a better life. You do not have to give up religion to quit porn. But you should not be afraid to try other methods. That’s my message for you today Your brother in this struggle, J.K Emezi"
I relapsed today too but Here I am standing and fighting to one day beat this once it for all! Day 0 Check in!
26 days. I got through yesterday. Hopefully I can get through today too. In fact, I know I can. Damn cravings. Five days to Rivendell...
I could say and write many things. But English isn't my mother language unfortunately. So i will ask to forgive me. But i have one thing to say. I m in day 345 like i said before in an other message. Day 345 and still going, feeling amazing. Without shame or depresse or whatever. And all these thanks to my faith in Jesus Christ. The only thing that truly help me... His hand, His nailed hand, this hand that nailed for me. I m an orthodox Christian and i want to say something more. Love, forgiveness etc. Great values. But you cannot be connected with a value. When love and forgiveness isnt just a value, a power, but is a specific person. Is your God, your Man, your Pal, and you can see Him in the eyes also of your brothers, then yes... You can do more than simply connect with love, forgiveness, power etc... You can become one with Love itself, with Jesus and through Him, through the name of love, with your true self and your brothers. Forgive me for my english, but i m greek. Wish everyone good luck and find the way that make him, her, happy and healthy.
Day 14. I discovered tobacco from the Shire at Isengard. Wandering how I can flee the black walls of Isengard... maybe a shipment from the the Shire...
Day 32 done! I have had no unnecessary sexual encounter but the temptation was strong. Since I’ve started taking better care of my body I’ve been feeling a lot better, but girls making comments about me feels like it could trigger something.