Curiosity

Hello
I'm 18,boy and My longest streak has been 17d for past 1.5 month(17 day period- this happened thrice). Right at the 17th day Urges bomb over me and I become Uncontrollable. And today is Day 17 and I'm am not going to relapse today. Yet I got urges while I was using YouTube and I found myself searching bad stuff and within a minute, someone came in the room so I closed (from which I realize that being public helps me do NoFap)! I think if I was in private I would have been relapsed again.

What happens in 17 day period when I used to relapse?: For the first few days I would be normal and by the time day 15 comes, thoughts about sex starts popping up, and on day 16-17, Urges Start hitting me. Urges cause a Relapse. For me, Urges are caused by a Curiosity about Sex, Masturbation or curiosity to feel the feelings during MO. It is due to the Sexual Hunger in me. Or I should say Lust.

WILL: I thought we can overcome PMO by will power. During Day 1-10, even if you bring a naked woman in front of me I would close my eyes, because my will was: I should follow NoFap.. Some bloody part of the brain still says "No don't follow NoFap". Then during Day 15-17, what happens is that The will that was saying I should follow NoFap, Now shifts to urging me to fap. I would find myself relapsing only because the dominant will is to fap. That bloody part which was urging me to fap would grow through the period to occupy me. I would switch sides without even being conscious!

The will which I used to control PMO in the day1, is the will compelling me to fap by day 17! WTF

but How do we Control this curiosity? How should I fill the hunger of my senses without PMO? How to detach?

All the problems arise because I am in holidays- no goals. When there aren't any goals I relapse because of the curiosity and when I have a lot of goals, I relapse because the will tells me to relax sometime by faping. (Altogether I suck anyways)

Thanks Brothers

 

Okay So I've got to hold on!