findom and humiliation *possible triggers*

The trick is to do a hard mode reboot, which completely destroys the neural pathways wired to this sort of behavior, and then rewire with a real woman in a real relationship, which builds a foundation for a healthy sexual lifestyle.

It's hard to understand that these feelings and compulsions are all "programmed" into us by porn until you break the cycle and engage in behavior that makes you feel fulfilled and happy.

 

Not the greatest to be honest.

About two years ago I started my first streak for 3 months. Then it took another 3 months for me to reach my prime sexual lifestyle and performance with my girlfriend. Things were great until we broke up amicably at about a year together, after which i had a couple slip ups. I did another 3 month reboot, after which I had about 4 months of living the life, sleeping with lots of girls, having a lot of really fun sex, and living my best life.

Then corona hit. Not having sex for long amounts of time kinda sucked, but I'd dealt with that before. The problem for me was the social/romantic isolation and having to live inside for so long. The best way to fight a porn addiction is to have a really well rounded lifestyle, where you see friends and go out consistently, exercise and eat right, and of course have sex or at least sexual interactions often. Covid and quarantine have made this nearly impossible, and I've been slipping back into porn use rather frequently.

Instead of just giving up and accepting though, I'm trying to cut my losses and do my best for the next 3-4 months, when things are expected to lighten up. I've told myself I'll do NNN alongside an exercise plan, which is an easier goal than a hardmode 90 day streak. Even though I have been using porn occasionally, I dampen it's effect by mixing in masturbation with the imagination to lessen the effects. Instead of relapsing every 3-4 weeks with porn, I'll cut my losses with normal masturbating to stave off the next few weeks.

I also know that my porn use is very infrequent, so once I can start having a normal romantic and social life, a 90 day reboot will be very easy and will have very good results.

This is a shitty time for all of us, and a lot of the tools we use to combat porn addiction aren't available, so instead of going for the longer and/or hardmode reboots, I suggest people try to just masturbate without porn. Cut your losses, and wait until brighter days come around.

 

Hey, I was deeply into that findom stuff as well, findom and escorts. Unfortunately there is no trick, no short cut, no quick fix. As with any addiction I had to go through withdrawal. Through. There is no way around.
2017 I started with Vipassana meditation, 2019 I joined NoFap and started going to CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) and SLAA (Sex and love addicts Anonymous). The meditation practice helps me to re-connect and stay in my body, focus on sensations and practice equanimity, feel the craving, see the aversion and not react as all arises and passes away. And in the A-groups I am with buddies, fellow dependents and addicts, have a sponsor in both groups, work the steps and can so deal on a cognitive and also spiritual level with my urges. Here I have an accountability partner and buddies I share on a regular basis.
It takes some work and effort. Will power alone is not enough. For me it needed also a WHY am I doing this. A cause. Which is to live a self-determined life, addiction free and independent, walk the talk, integrity, wholehearted. A question that can help is: Who do you want to be? Picture the self you are meant to be, the life you are meant to live. Speak that out, visualise it, imagine it, feel it. It takes both, cognition and emotion. I relapsed many times. Each time my walking violated the talking. My actions were other than my WHY. Then check again and ask yourself: Do you want to die an addict??? How do you want to end your days one day? Hooked???
What helps me might not necesseraly help you. But important is that you have a clear vision together with an elevated emotion of what man you want to be.
Know that getting off any hook will catch you on different levels. Body, hormones, rewire brain all that on the physical level. That's why there is no overnight solution and will power alone is not enough. Once your brain and body get familiar with the new behavior there will still be memories, thoughts that can get you back, seduce you. And man ... can those thoughts kick you all over the place hehe.
Guess there's much more to say ... One last question: Are you trying not to act out or are you having a clear direction where you want to go. Avoiding or approaching mode? What's your way of thinking? Observe and be honest to yourself. As good as you can. Recovery is not about perfection, it's progress. Be gentle and loving towards yourself.
Gabor Maté says: First question never is Why the addiction, but Why the pain? Cause with any behavior that got us on the hook we are just trying to feel better. Feel better from what? Take good care of yourself and stay tuned, grow in wisdom and strength and walk with confidence on that path of recovery towards your liberation. YAY!

 

I have this problem I’m really struggling mentally, will i be able to call you or private message you on Snapchat or anything to talk about it

 

Sure, I will send you a PM. Have no account on Snapchat ... not a safe place to be for me hehe.

 

D

Do you have instagram or anything?

 

For privacy and protection, you should not contact people from NoFap through sensitive means. Making everything anonymous allows people to talk about their deepest secrets and hardest times in a forum where they will not be judged or outed.

 

Did you see my PM I sent you here? We can talk there if you wish.