The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 34
I have a question, the wet dreams does count as a relapse?
Because is involuntary that and natural the body is just tried to recalibreted himself.

 

Okay, now it's my turn. I have fallen once more to the corruption of the ring.

Before anyone jumps to any conclusions, no, this was not at all due to any demoralization from reading the reset reports of other fallen brothers or sisters. This was entirely my fault. I woke up today feeling intense cravings and barely lifted a finger to resist. I failed my prevention plan, not the other way around.

I think I know what I did wrong. At least I know what some of the factors were. Let's list some.

-laxity in the spiritual/mental life. This weekend has been busy. I barely prayed and didn't meditate.

- over-indulgence in non-PMO pleasures. I felt like I owed some people some time to hang out and catch up. This meant drinking. I didn't get drunk, but still drank too much. I like drinking. It raises my spirits, or, to be more scientific about it, my dopamine levels. Well, what goes up must come down. I think that when I woke up this morning, my brain was feeling low in comparison to the fun of the night before and wanted more dopamine. And my addict brain/mindset stepped in.

- I had sex this weekend (Friday night). This activated the chaser effect. I fought that off pretty well yesterday, but then had about two too many brewskis with a male friend whose birthday it was.

- I'm not excited about my work right now. Which is working as a teaching assistant at a university. The material is familiar enough that it's kind of boring, yet it's been long enough since I've taught it that I really must review it. Ugh. So, part of my reset today was me running away from a task I didn't feel like doing.

It's kind of depressing how lame some of these factors really are when you think about them. And it's interesting how it wasn't just one single factor or cause that really did it. They all chipped away at me until I caved in. The immediate trigger was just a picture of an attractive female celebrity in the newspaper, an image no reasonable person would really consider risqué. Then came the fishing and here we are.

I am getting back on the horse. That was an awesome streak and I had losing it, but its benefits are still with me. This time I plan to get at least 40 Days! I will never stop fighting PMO, even if it takes me the rest of my life. The fight is still on, I didn't hear no bell!

I am so much stronger and smarter than I was two months ago!

Oh yeah, almost forgot: new parts of my plan: wake up at 6:30 every morning. Limit drinking to once a week, no more than 3 beers.

 

Thank you Al. Yeah. It was not even directly related to D&D though in the past it has been because I looked up a harpy and saw some images of that. This time though, I was looking up how torches work in 5e, and some recommended searches came up from before my 22 days, and as I was using a touch screen, my figure hit one of the old searches and it took me to page with non-nude women at the time. However, I was instantly hit with a hit of dopamine and I decided to continue looking even though I knew it was not relevant to the game. I ended up going down that rabbit hole, and after I was done playing with my friends, I logged off and looked at porn.

It made me realize that during those 22 days, I was really good at avoiding triggers, but when I came across material that I had fapped to in the past, I did not have any precautions in place to resist and I gave in. Now I know that I have to prepare for triggers that may come up accidentally because even when I willingly choose not to search, I can still stumble upon the stuff (especially as I learned last night, when the searches have been previously saved.)

I know how to move forward though. I suppose it is better to relapse after day 22 than day 90 as there is less progress lost, and I can get back up and start again.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

On a more positive note, here are some benefits I noticed from my 30+ day streak:

- deeper voice (I'm dead serious)
- more fit body, more muscle definition even though certain weeks passed in which I was unable to lift weights.
- more confident in conversation and interpersonal interactions.
- less anxiety

I know that "NoFap powers" is a controversial topic, but I consider these mine. Cheers!

 

You misunderstand. D&D is a board game. I play it online with friends due to COVID, but in general, the only nakedness involved is in the imagination, and my group does not play that way. With that said, some of the online material can be triggering as they can sometimes sexualize their female monsters, and that has been a trigger in the past when a harpy was mentioned as really horrifying so I looked one up and saw some anime versions of one. With that said, last night had more to do with a previously searched link that popped up when I was searching how torches worked in the game, and as the recommended search was at the top when I hit search for torches, my finger hit the recommended search instead. I know that is slightly different than what I said last night, but it was easier to say that it popped up when I was searching for something for D&D which technically I was, but given the confusion, I am clarifying that the image was not D&D related, but rather popped up because I was using the search feature to look something up for D&D. To be honest, I am not sure if I intentionally clicked on the link or not, all I know is that I clicked it and I am moving forward. I do think I need to take certain precautions for D&D such as potentially blocking all sites except roll20 on chrome on my iPad, however, even if I do that, there are ways around it, so it is better for me to focus on what to do when I see triggering images online again. I will continue to play D&D as that is harmless fun, it is just the sitting on my computer that late at night that is the dangerous part and if I can mitigate that, I will be much better off.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

245 days

 

Day 103. Feeling great today. Had a nice relaxing weekend and a solid run this morning. My urges have subsided substantially since my last wet-dream and bout of chaser effect. Looking forward to the week.

 

Nocturnal emissions are not a relapse.

 

Day 2 complete. There's a whole company of us orcs marching out from Gundabad right now, but by the time we fight our way through the tangles and snares of Mirkwook we'll be ready to leave this life behind and set out to destroy the Ring which drives us to needlessly, uselessly hurt ourselves.

Could you tell me a bit more of what you mean by this? Last week I got up early every other day and ran about 7.5 miles. I felt pretty drained, so it was hard to focus on my midday classes, but I think I'm going to go out again once or twice this week. Tomorrow definitely.

 

So I was kind of thrown out of the pattern I was in, so I’m back at 0. And now I start again.

Life is kind of harder now, we have an election tomorrow and people are going crazy and everybody is fighting (life in Israel is kind of the opposite of boring sometimes). And everyone around me including me are really stressed about it. my girlfriend is slowly falling into depression and I don’t feel like I can do anything except be there for her and it’s really draying my will power.

I just want some peace and quite for like a two weeks to try to have the best chance to make it to hobbit.

 

Brother, there is reason behind us carrying the ring of disempowerment - its to save us from ourselves from vices bigger then lust in our soul...

It is for two reasons -one is that the lust is the sin of the flesh and when we run we weaken flesh's power over us(it's akin to fasting) and another one is that when taking shower whilst under influence of chaser effect you are exposing yourself to your own nakedness as a very big trigger to relapse again, and again , and again...

 

Don't be stressed but remember 'Shema Yisrael '

 

Was it the one and only time you got triggered whilst playing this game?

 

Checking in on Day 106.

 

Happy Monday Fellowship!

Made it throught the weekend, no fishing, no problems. Watching my thoughts. Sometimes I just find myself daydreaming, then the usual culprit of sexual fantasy shows up. I am trying to catch myself faster and faster, observing the thought, calling it out for what it is (lust) and letting it go.
Practicing getting "honest dopamine" - dopamine from setting small goals and achieving them.

This weeks goals: small goals at work that would improve my performance. Personal goal: stick to my fitness schedule. Record food in food journal to track calories.

 

Day3 finally healing

 

Yeah, that could be something! Thanks!
I used to meet a lot of people before covid (music school, gym, work, church, friends meetings, etc.), nowadays it is thought and this amount drastically lowered. And ofc my folks don't want to hang out so often because they just scared. And texting or facetime is not the same.
But I think I have to figure it out and somehow replace these life meetings.

 

Day 207.

You are all worthy! Embrace life!

 

Awesome! I'm in a similar boat, doing great with no-fishing but still fighting the sexy-thoughts-wack-a-mole game. It's to the point that I catch it almost immediately, and they're easy to let go. My primary focus right now is also improving my ability to do deep work, focus, and be more mindful of artificial dopamine drains. I like that language of "honest dopamine". Keep it up!

 

First of all- check-in day2
My action plan? I really believe in the concept of rat park (that here is quite often mentioned), when I don't have to reach for, in my case, masturbation, because I have fun in my life and I really enjoying it without PMO. I haven't got ready answers. I got the intuition that I must have more people in my life to interact with.
What's more, this is really cool to have you guys here, because it fills the gap of people and at the same time you are motivating me when I see that you keep fighting too! And these huge streaks make me believe that freedom is available and possible. And even if you fall, you are get up once again and begin from the top. This is brave and encouraging.
Also, maybe it is silly but it works, when I remember that I have to check-in, and my decision to not masturbate has a real impact (I am achieving another day and becoming sth more the Orc here xD) it keeps me focused.