The Lord of the Rings Challenge

254 days the stairs of Cirith Ungol
328 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 332. I hadn't realized that I had entered Mordor already, I had thought that was around day 350. But this requires some reflection I feel. Given the importance of the last leg of that journey in the story.

I've been spending less time on instagram lately, especially after a post shared by a member here and also highlighted by @RiseToGreatness titled "instagram is the new porn", but the time I do spend on instagram is usually filled with inspirational quotes from Catholic spiritual leaders.

I found two such posts to be especially helpful recently. The first hit close to home because it is from St. Anthony of Padua. I have a booklet of prayers and devotions centered around him that was given to me by the deacon leading RCIA class and naturally his name catches my attention. The quote is as follows:

How often do we find ourselves wishing to be tempted and putting ourselves in such danger of our own accord? I often find myself thinking something along the lines of "oh if I were tempted to do such and such I would fight it this way or that...." and so on and so forth. Useless! These fantasies are at "best" simply a form of spiritual pride and at worst simply a devilish way of getting tricked into putting ourselves into harm's way and needlessly tempting ourselves. So, avoid lust and avoid even the temptation of temptation. As another Saint put it, facing lust is the only time cowardice isn't a vice. We must flee from it.

The second quote is from St. Padre Pio:

A lot of us wonder how long it will be until thoughts go away and urges and the like disappear. These things may never go away, but the nature of them changes. That is why this quote was particularly impactful for me as I've been two years on this path and I've seen the nature of my own struggle change. In the beginning, it seems more a matter of overcoming habit and breaking the cycle of drug addiction. In other words, the nature of it feels much more somatic, rising from the body, than a conscious decision. Now that the trappings of habit have been loosened from me it feels like the temptation is this roaring that Padre Pio mentions in this quote. I am not bragging in saying this as it is the same whether our temptations arise from a perceived physical need or a spiritual inclination towards destruction, they are both our unfortunate inheritance from Adam.

In any case, now it feels as though I am under attack. The issue comes from without rather than within. Now I feel as though I am fighting, in my own small way, against principalities and not flesh and blood as St. Paul says. I believe that this is the case for everyone and I urge everyone, no matter where they are on their path to believe that that is the case too. What we are fighting, even if it is rooted in habit and it feels as if we will die without it, is still something that is not truly a part of us.

 

When did you have the same headaches before and how long they lasted for?
The brain fog is not painful but frustrating because of inability to understand anything above the primitive stuff. It feels like relaxed muscles when you sleep and no willful effort of yours can make them move.

 

But they do go away ....only when you yourself change into one who is pure hearted.
Matthew 5:8 8Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
...and no impurity can stand His presence.

 

I'm on my first stint in nearly... 10 years? I started to have headaches about a day and a half ago. Just constant pressure. I doesn't sound anything like brain fog then. I should read up more but I'm so busy at work right now I can barely concentrate.

 

It feels like you have become a slave to your work if even when feeling bad you continue tourture yourself with further tasks instead of showing some love to yourself, chill and slowdown ,take few days off to restore your health. For we won't get far forcing our broken bodies further without giving them time to rest and recover.
Remember one thing the real treasure is not money but health .People who lost it will give away everything to get it back-treasure it and have some courage to take few days off your work.

 

Back to day 0 after 50 days. I haven't been consistant lately and that lead to relapse.
No hard feelings. Just griding again and staying more focused!

 

Thursday check in

Today: prayer, meditation, cold shower. Need to do some reading and organize my apartment.

Something on my radar that I'm a little concerned about: I have to grade student exams, which I hate doing. If I procrastinate, that gives rise to anxiety, which is a big trigger. So I mustn't procrastinate!

 

What positive life changes have you accomplished through the 50 no PMO days?

 

...Sometimes in order to transform yourself you have to follow the butterfly path. Are you ready and can you afford it?

 

TITLE - ORC
Day 1/500
Longest streak - 18
Last streak - 2
Total PMO - 258
Total hours remaining - 11976
Days remaining - 499
Promise- 1 Jan 2020, 1 Jan 2021
Challenges completed - 1
1 DAYS - (18th Feb 2021)(26th Mar 2021)✓
3 DAYS -(31st Jan 2021)(21th Feb 2021)✓
7 DAYS -
14 DAYS -
21 DAYS -
30 DAYS -
45 DAYS -
60 DAYS -
90 DAYS -
365 DAYS -
500 DAYS -

I was trying to leave my habit of binging after a relapse. To overcome that habit it took me 2 weeks. I was able to 1 once a day right after 24 hours It worked my urges are not that strong now I believe I can go on with it. And today I made the first day I was able to keep my streak to 2 days but start again. No more relapses.

 

Well I started treaning again and working on my rutine. You now.. life is coming back to you when you are dedicated. I want that feeling more then the feeling when I down after relapse.

 

Daily checking.

Very wise words, thanks for sharing them. What a inspiration!

St. Padre Pius, pray for us!

 

Day 13,

Active day and getting ready for another online class. Had a nice run!

Keep strong Fellowship!

 

@Slider8 , I'm intrigued, but to be honest, I have no clue what you're talking about. Would you mind explaining? Or maybe provide a link to something I could read.

 

Checking in on Day 110.

 

So I started working out again after a long time. Lol, I am in so much pain. But at least I am getting started Yesterday was leg day, and wow. So funny. It hurts to walk lol, but I know the pain won't last forever. The road goes ever on and on......

 

249 days

 

Day 107. The workweek is coming to a close. I still have had a hard time getting good sleep lately. I need to be better about waking up when my alarm goes off. Laying in bed too long can lead to wet-dreams and fantasizing.