BEAT YOUR LONGEST STREAK

I've been going through some rough times recently, I've been susceptible to suicidal thoughts for about 10 years and they were hitting me hard over the past week or two. Several nights I sat, a bottle of sleeping pills in front of me, wondering whether I would finally have the courage to end it all and spare everyone the ordeal of having to ever see me again. I'm a bit better now, no longer at immediate risk, trying to get my life back in order, but it's an unwelcome reminder of the chaotic spiral that I can fall into all too easily. Needless to say, NoFap was hardly a high priority for me in that state - if I was able to have sex then that would have helped me, but since it's not really feasible atm I had to satiate the urges that might otherwise have driven me over the edge. I don't even know what day it is, all that I know is that I'm alive and that's how I'm gonna stay.

Tl;dr my streak is rubbish atm and I haven't been good about abstaining, but I think I had fair reason...

 

Do you have some loved ones who you can visit? Maybe parents, siblings?

Maybe this doesn’t apply to you but I’ve been depressed too with panic attacks and what I did was completely disconnect myself from internet, live with my parents and spent the days literally making jigsaw puzzles, walking the dog in the forest and go to the gym. And in the most desperate moments I would allow myself to smoke a cigarette or two. It made me feel better eventually. Not saying that you should do this too or that it would help for you but just giving some input and thoughts.

 

19/207
Really busy days.

 

7/90

 

Thanks for your advice, I wish I could visit family but alas they live ~6 hours away. I have work colleagues and friends here though, and I've never been particularly family oriented so it's almost the same thing

I will definitely disconnect to some extent, but equally loneliness is a big part of the spiral and in the current situation I need to be able to chat with people remotely. I really need to get back to running properly - it is one of the best ways that I have to get out of my head, but sadly I've hurt my hamstring atm and can't run far. I also need to stick with the meditation, I started a programme just a few days ago to help with spiralling thoughts so that will hopefully help, but only if I stick with it.
I've been reading some research around the uses of psychedelics in the treatment of depression, and the time I tried one in the past it did wonders for me. I might look into sourcing something light and see if that helps - they are supposed to help relax the brain's inbuilt routines so they should help with spiralling thoughts. Don't worry I'll be as legal and safe as possible, I think there's some research being done locally so I could probably just sign up to that!

 

Thanks for your words brother, I really appreciate your post! I have been thinking about getting some therapy, I'll definitely look into it in a serious way. But for now I am ok, keeping myself sane and healthy, and trying to stay active are my number 1 priorities. Thanks for your concern, it genuinely means a lot to me

 

335/730 days no PMO, semen retention

 

106/136. No PMO, no alcohol.

 

We're all here for you, buddy. Keep taking it a day at a time - break it into hours, or even minutes if you have to (like I have a few times). Anyway we all know how difficult things can get sometimes, we get it - you're not alone.

 

Day 7/30

This is when it gets tough for me, but also when I start to see improvements in mood and energy

 

50/238

 

65/41

 

8/90

Had an intense dream about intense companionship. No PMO or sex related material.

This journeys gonna open doors Ive never seen before!

 

107/136. Let's keep going everyone.

 

336/730 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 0/22
Unfortunately, I have relapsed into M again. However, It gives me hope that this time around I made it 2 days more than the last attempt. I hope to do the same again.